Marcus Hamilton fic for ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
guinny_hamilton's birthday.
Oct. 25th, 2006 08:17 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
toxic_cornTitle: The Softer Side of Evil
Author: Toxic Corn
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Joss Whedon owns Marcus and Harmony. I'm just playing with them, see? I'll put them back in the box when I'm done, I promise.
Summary: A really cracked out Marcus Hamilton fic forguinny_hamilton's birthday. The sequel to 5 Things Marcus Hamilton Could Say... Sorry this is so late!
“Bad boy, Isaiah,” Hamilton said, frowning at the little puppy before him. “You realize she’s going to be screaming all day when she sees this, right?”
Isaiah dropped the Gucci pump he’d been gnawing on and bowed his head, all remorse. Hamilton smiled and scratched the dog behind his ears, scooping him up to drop a kiss on his nose.
“I’ll buy you all the shoes you want, just leave hers alone.” Hamilton carried Isaiah out to the kitchen. “Flats or high heels?”
The puppy barked, high and squeaky, making Hamilton chuckle.
“Okay, high heels it is. Now, let’s see what we have for breakfast…” He opened the hotel fridge and made a face at the big bag of blood Harmony had shoved inside. She hadn’t even made much of an effort to seal it and it was leaking onto the shelf below it. How nauseating.
“Room service, then.” Hamilton set the puppy carefully on the floor where he’d spread some newspaper earlier. Once he was sure Isaiah was all right and had a full bowl of water, he went to the phone and in fluent French ordered a large breakfast and the best puppy food Paris had to offer.
Hamilton returned to the kitchen, whistling. “It’ll just be a few-” The kitchen was empty. “Isaiah?”
The puppy’s squeaky barks came from the balcony and Hamilton rushed over, throwing open the double doors. There struggling with his dog were two winged monkeys. Hamilton smirked to see that between the three of them, Isaiah seemed to be winning the fight.
“You’re trying to take what’s mine,” Hamilton said, coolly. “I’ve killed for less.”
“Eet eez only a mongrel, monsieur,” one of the monkeys said. “We will buy you anuzzer.”
“You’ll put him down and be on your way now,” Hamilton disagreed.
“But we are een a hurry!” the other monkey whined. “We need a canine for zee ritual!”
“What makes you think I’d agree to let you take my pet, knowing you're going to sacrifice him?” Hamilton folded his arms, waiting for an explanation.
“Because eet ees a great honor!” The first monkey puffed up his chest but yelped when Isaiah bit his grasping hand, spoiling the effect.
“I don’t care what demon you fools worship. You’ll leave my dog alone this instant before I have to get angry.”
“Ah, silly American man, eet ees us you would not like to see angry.”
“Give it a shot.”
In an instant, the monkeys increased to the size of gorillas and great fangs protruded over their lower lips.
Hamilton sighed. “That’s it?”
The winged gorillas who were formerly monkeys were taken aback by his response. “You do not fear these forms?”
“I’ve met drooling children more terrifying than you,” Hamilton said.
“You will pay for that insult!” One of the gorillas swooped down on him but its eyes bugged out of its head when Hamilton caught him by the throat and then ripped off one of his wings.
The gorilla howled in pain. “My wing! I cannot grow annuzzer!”
“You will not fly again, mon ami,” the other said, sadly.
“Oh, I don’t know.” Hamilton walked with the gorilla to the edge of the balcony. “You never know until you try.”
“Non!” the gorilla screamed.
Hamilton stopped, holding the gorilla over the railing. “Are you going to leave my dog alone?”
“Oui!”
The gorillas tensed, waiting for Hamilton’s response. He appeared to be thinking it over. “Do you promise?”
“I promise!”
Hamilton frowned. “Hm. I don’t believe you.” And released the gorilla.
Its comrade ran to the railing and looked over just in time to see the one-winged gorilla splatter on the concrete below. There was screaming from the street.
“But he promised!” the gorilla said, stupidly.
“He did,” Hamilton said, picking up Isaiah and tucking him into the crook of his arm. “But you never should believe anything you’re told during torture. Creatures will admit to anything to make the pain or fear of pain stop. It’s the first thing they teach us.”
“Who?” A look of realization crossed the gorilla’s face. “The wolf, ram, and hart.”
Hamilton tapped his nose. “Correct. Now, I suggest you go find another dog for your little ritual. I’d kill you now, but I have breakfast on the way and I’m very hungry. Bon jour!”
Smiling, Hamilton went back into the hotel room and shut the door behind him just as a knocking came from the main door. It was the room service cart and Hamilton and Isaiah tucked in hungrily after giving the waiter a generous tip.
“Hi, baby!” Harmony breezed in a few minutes later, wearing workout clothes and drenched in sweat. “They have such a great gym here! You should try it out.”
“Maybe later.” Hamilton shushed Isaiah, who was growling at Harmony, the hair on his neck standing up.
“I better hop in the shower. Where are we going for dinner tonight?”
“Anywhere you want.”
Harmony squealed excitedly, clapping her hands. “You’re the best non-boyfriend ever!” She ran off to the bedroom, yapping about all that she’d seen so far in Paris.
“Relax,” Hamilton told the puppy, stroking his head. “We’re not going to need her much longer. We just need to know Angel’s secret pl-”
“MY SHOES!!!!”
Hamilton winced and fed the dog a piece of bacon. “Not that much longer,” he said, more to himself than to Isaiah. “I promise.”
THE END
Author: Toxic Corn
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Joss Whedon owns Marcus and Harmony. I'm just playing with them, see? I'll put them back in the box when I'm done, I promise.
Summary: A really cracked out Marcus Hamilton fic for
guinny_hamilton's birthday. The sequel to 5 Things Marcus Hamilton Could Say... Sorry this is so late!“Bad boy, Isaiah,” Hamilton said, frowning at the little puppy before him. “You realize she’s going to be screaming all day when she sees this, right?”
Isaiah dropped the Gucci pump he’d been gnawing on and bowed his head, all remorse. Hamilton smiled and scratched the dog behind his ears, scooping him up to drop a kiss on his nose.
“I’ll buy you all the shoes you want, just leave hers alone.” Hamilton carried Isaiah out to the kitchen. “Flats or high heels?”
The puppy barked, high and squeaky, making Hamilton chuckle.
“Okay, high heels it is. Now, let’s see what we have for breakfast…” He opened the hotel fridge and made a face at the big bag of blood Harmony had shoved inside. She hadn’t even made much of an effort to seal it and it was leaking onto the shelf below it. How nauseating.
“Room service, then.” Hamilton set the puppy carefully on the floor where he’d spread some newspaper earlier. Once he was sure Isaiah was all right and had a full bowl of water, he went to the phone and in fluent French ordered a large breakfast and the best puppy food Paris had to offer.
Hamilton returned to the kitchen, whistling. “It’ll just be a few-” The kitchen was empty. “Isaiah?”
The puppy’s squeaky barks came from the balcony and Hamilton rushed over, throwing open the double doors. There struggling with his dog were two winged monkeys. Hamilton smirked to see that between the three of them, Isaiah seemed to be winning the fight.
“You’re trying to take what’s mine,” Hamilton said, coolly. “I’ve killed for less.”
“Eet eez only a mongrel, monsieur,” one of the monkeys said. “We will buy you anuzzer.”
“You’ll put him down and be on your way now,” Hamilton disagreed.
“But we are een a hurry!” the other monkey whined. “We need a canine for zee ritual!”
“What makes you think I’d agree to let you take my pet, knowing you're going to sacrifice him?” Hamilton folded his arms, waiting for an explanation.
“Because eet ees a great honor!” The first monkey puffed up his chest but yelped when Isaiah bit his grasping hand, spoiling the effect.
“I don’t care what demon you fools worship. You’ll leave my dog alone this instant before I have to get angry.”
“Ah, silly American man, eet ees us you would not like to see angry.”
“Give it a shot.”
In an instant, the monkeys increased to the size of gorillas and great fangs protruded over their lower lips.
Hamilton sighed. “That’s it?”
The winged gorillas who were formerly monkeys were taken aback by his response. “You do not fear these forms?”
“I’ve met drooling children more terrifying than you,” Hamilton said.
“You will pay for that insult!” One of the gorillas swooped down on him but its eyes bugged out of its head when Hamilton caught him by the throat and then ripped off one of his wings.
The gorilla howled in pain. “My wing! I cannot grow annuzzer!”
“You will not fly again, mon ami,” the other said, sadly.
“Oh, I don’t know.” Hamilton walked with the gorilla to the edge of the balcony. “You never know until you try.”
“Non!” the gorilla screamed.
Hamilton stopped, holding the gorilla over the railing. “Are you going to leave my dog alone?”
“Oui!”
The gorillas tensed, waiting for Hamilton’s response. He appeared to be thinking it over. “Do you promise?”
“I promise!”
Hamilton frowned. “Hm. I don’t believe you.” And released the gorilla.
Its comrade ran to the railing and looked over just in time to see the one-winged gorilla splatter on the concrete below. There was screaming from the street.
“But he promised!” the gorilla said, stupidly.
“He did,” Hamilton said, picking up Isaiah and tucking him into the crook of his arm. “But you never should believe anything you’re told during torture. Creatures will admit to anything to make the pain or fear of pain stop. It’s the first thing they teach us.”
“Who?” A look of realization crossed the gorilla’s face. “The wolf, ram, and hart.”
Hamilton tapped his nose. “Correct. Now, I suggest you go find another dog for your little ritual. I’d kill you now, but I have breakfast on the way and I’m very hungry. Bon jour!”
Smiling, Hamilton went back into the hotel room and shut the door behind him just as a knocking came from the main door. It was the room service cart and Hamilton and Isaiah tucked in hungrily after giving the waiter a generous tip.
“Hi, baby!” Harmony breezed in a few minutes later, wearing workout clothes and drenched in sweat. “They have such a great gym here! You should try it out.”
“Maybe later.” Hamilton shushed Isaiah, who was growling at Harmony, the hair on his neck standing up.
“I better hop in the shower. Where are we going for dinner tonight?”
“Anywhere you want.”
Harmony squealed excitedly, clapping her hands. “You’re the best non-boyfriend ever!” She ran off to the bedroom, yapping about all that she’d seen so far in Paris.
“Relax,” Hamilton told the puppy, stroking his head. “We’re not going to need her much longer. We just need to know Angel’s secret pl-”
“MY SHOES!!!!”
Hamilton winced and fed the dog a piece of bacon. “Not that much longer,” he said, more to himself than to Isaiah. “I promise.”
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2006-10-26 03:50 am (UTC)Also, I have a new addiction to Hamilton. It wasn't there before; I swear. It's just with guinny's birthday and everything, I'm suddenly all, "Ooh, Hamilton's kinda hot."
Which you'd think I'd have noticed before, but it's just now getting me.
Also, I hope tomorrow is a better day for you.
no subject
Date: 2006-10-26 03:52 am (UTC)!!!
*gets plot bunny repellant*
no subject
Date: 2006-10-26 10:31 am (UTC)Write it! Write it! Write it!
no subject
Date: 2006-10-26 10:31 am (UTC)*enables*
no subject
Date: 2006-10-26 10:30 am (UTC)Personal favorite so far:
“You’re trying to take what’s mine,” Hamilton said, coolly. “I’ve killed for less.”
“Eet eez only a mongrel, monsieur,” one of the monkeys said. “We will buy you anuzzer.”
“You’ll put him down and be on your way now,” Hamilton disagreed.
“But we are een a hurry!” the other monkey whined. “We need a canine for zee ritual!”
or maybe it was:
The gorilla howled in pain. “My wing! I cannot grow annuzzer!”
“You will not fly again, mon ami,” the other said, sadly.
Thank you soooo much for this!! I'm still giggling!! It was the awesomest awesome crack!fic ever!
Also, I love the subtle digs at Harmony... 'cause you *know* it should be me there with him in Paris *swoons* I love doggies and I won't mind if they kill my shoes! Come and get me, Hammy!
And with the way your promptfics turn out, you can bet I'll prompt you something fierce in the near future *chokes @ thought of flying monkeys*
no subject
Date: 2006-10-26 05:23 pm (UTC)*uses my french taunter icon because damn this story really requires it*
no subject
Date: 2006-10-27 02:32 am (UTC)***gigglesnort***
It's so cute how he's all sweet with the puppy.
***sigh***
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Date: 2006-10-27 04:14 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-10-27 10:31 am (UTC)***sigh***
Yep that boy is just too purty. Oh sorry for rambling on there for a second. DId I emntion that I loved this? Cuz I did.
no subject
Date: 2006-10-27 02:35 am (UTC)***gigglesnort***
no subject
Date: 2006-10-27 04:15 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-10-27 10:32 am (UTC)***spews coffee on screen***
No wonders it tickled me so much.
The bunny very well may have but oh what an entertaining bunny it was.
no subject
Date: 2006-10-28 12:10 pm (UTC)“You will not fly again, mon ami,” the other said, sadly.
OMFG *dies laughing and never revives*.
That was freaking brilliant. *wipes snorted coffee from her computer screen*
no subject
Date: 2006-10-28 05:52 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-10-28 05:58 pm (UTC)And I loved it! Much love for you!
no subject
Date: 2006-10-29 09:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-10-29 09:24 pm (UTC)Hee, Harmony's such an airhead. I'd write more fic with her in it if I wasn't so wrapped up in the Firefly-verse.
no subject
Date: 2006-10-30 11:12 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-10-31 12:50 am (UTC)