![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
toxic_cornSeries: Kristy and The Doctor
Title: Chapter Three - A Threat to Global Security
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
toxic_corn and nutmeg610
Rating: R because Kristy can be a bit of a foulmouth.
Disclaimer: Characters belong to Ann M. Martin, Scholastic Books, and the BBC. Sometimes ABC even. And NBC. Okay, practically no one is ours, okay? We aren't collecting any money so pretty please don't sue? We're both broke college students.
Summary: Kristy Thomas has been doing well since her days as president of the Babysitters Club. She's about to graduate from the University of Connecticut and her best friend's finacee can get her a place in the LAPD. It looks like her future is set until a strange man in a magic blue box shows up and changes everything...
Authors' Note: Yet another pairing in the crack series. We found the idea of The Doctor having to put up with the blunt, bossy Kristy to be funny and from there the story grew. If you think that now we are officially certifiable, you're most likely right. This follows the other stories in the crack series: Your Boyfriend Snorts Cocaine, Mary Anne and Wanna Get It On, Dawn?
Catch up on earlier chapters at the organizational post.
Some old friends make a cameo apperance! ;)
Chapter Three - A Danger to Global Security
Chad and I just got this gorgeous house and I really want you to see it. Do you think you and The Doctor would want to come over for dinner some night? I know that's not nearly as exciting as what you guys usually get up to, but I miss you. Write me back with a day/time/year that works for you, okay?
- email from Mary Anne Shelten to Kristy Thomas
"Don't you have any nice dress shoes? You always wear sneakers."
The Doctor blinked and looked down at his footwear. "What's wrong with my shoes? You've never complained about them before."
"Well, we've never-" Kristy started to hiss but then the front door opened, revealing Mary Anne Shelten, nee Spier.
A pleased smile lit up her face. "Kristy? Oh my, you look so nice! Like a girl!" Laughing, she enveloped Kristy in a warm hug that she returned.
"I wear dresses!" Kristy said defensively. "I look like a girl!" For the evening, she'd picked up a sparkly blue dress with cap sleeves that stopped just at her knees. It was cute, for a dress. Even after all these years, she still didn't care for them much. "The place looks great by the way," she said, changing the subject. Especially the lawn. It's very green."
"Oh thanks. Chad does... something to it, I'm not sure what." She laughed and then looked curiously at The Doctor. "Hello."
"Oh!" Kristy mentally kicked herself. "This is The Doctor. Doctor, this is my best friend, Mary Anne Sp- Shelten."
All the time they'd been talking, The Doctor had been staring up at the house. But he turned his attention to Mary Anne once Kristy had started her introductions. "Hello, do you by chance know the electricity output this house makes monthly?"
Mary Anne's smile faded and she sent a quick look Kristy's way. "Umm, no, sorry I don't."
"Ah, that's all right. Perhaps I'll just read your meter later."
Kristy stared at him. Was he always this weird? It was hard to judge; maybe in the last six months or so she'd grown so used to him that being around normal people brought his oddities into sharper contrast.
"Why don't you guys come inside?" Mary Anne said, and stepped back to let them in.
"Could you please not be a huge dork?!" Kristy hissed at him as Mary Anne shut the door, politely pretending she wasn't listening.
"What? I was curious!"
Their voices drew Chad from his office and he came out and smiled when he saw Kristy. "Thomas? The hell, who invited you here?"
Smiling, Kristy socked him in the arm. "Hey, dillweed." She and Chad hadn't exactly gotten along at first but their mutual love for sports and for Mary Anne had brought them together and she saw him as another older brother.
Chad smiled back at her. "And in a dress no less. This must be the end of the world."
"I wear dresses!" Kristy exclaimed. "I wore one to your wedding, Beavis!"
"Well I hardly noticed what with the bride looking so stunning." He sent Mary Anne a gentle smile and of course she melted and went to stand at her husband's side, wrapping her arms around his middle.
"Chad, this is Kristy's friend, The Doctor."
"Doctor Who?" Chad asked, holding his hand out for The Doctor to shake.
"Just The Doctor, thank you." The Doctor shook Chad's hand and then pointed upwards. "Does your home have central air?"
"Yes," Chad said, raising an eyebrow. It took everything Kristy had not to face palm. Going into this evening, she knew that Mary Anne would like The Doctor but she'd been worried about Chad. When he decided he didn't like someone, he usually did everything in his power to make it known that he felt that way. And judging by the look on his face, he was deciding right now that he didn't care much for The Doctor.
"Um. Would anyone like something to drink?" Mary Anne suggested, breaking the tension like a good hostess. "I have some refreshments set up on the deck if you're interested."
"Awesome!" Kristy said, entirely overenthusiastic. Once Mary Anne and Chad turned their backs, she dug her elbow into The Doctor's ribs. "I said stop it."
"What?" The Doctor asked, looking baffled. "I'm interested in cooling systems in human homes; what's the problem?"
"It's just... weird. You don't want to get on Chad's bad side." Kristy chewed on her lip a moment and then followed the Sheltens through the kitchen and the dining room, through the sliding glass door to the deck where a wine bucket had been set up. Chad popped out the cork and they all took seats and thanked him as he filled each of their glass with sparkling white wine.
"So Doctor," Chad said once they were all settled. "Are you and Kristy dating?"
The question came just as Kristy was swallowing and she choked on her drink, covering her mouth with one hand.
The Doctor patted her on the back, not really paying attention to her. "No, no. She's merely my friend and traveling companion."
Kristy recovered and said, "Merely," smiling weakly. Mary Anne gave her a sympathetic look.
Ignoring this, The Doctor asked, "So, Chad, you're a police officer?"
"Yeah, I'm a Sergeant. I work in Internal Affairs. And what do you do?"
"Oh, I travel mainly. Have adventures. Usual thing." The Doctor took a casual sip of his drink.
"And how do you pay for all that?" Chad asked, disapproval creeping into his tone and making Kristy's heart sink.
The Doctor blinked in surprise. "Sorry?"
"I thought he knew?" Kristy said quietly to Mary Anne.
Mary Anne shifted uncomfortably. "Umm, well actually, I, uh... I never got around to..."
"What?" Chad asked, his imagination no doubt coming up with a million possibilities.
"The Doctor's um..." Kristy looked over at him, wondering if maybe he should drop that bombshell himself.
"Well, I'm not from around here," The Doctor said.
"Yeah, I got that from the English accent." Chad said dryly.
Were they all going to pussyfoot around? "He's an alien," Kristy blurted out.
Chad rolled his eyes. "Right, and I'm Liberace."
"Better go put on one of your spangly jackets, then," Kristy said with a rueful smile.
"Oh sure. I got a closet full of them." Chad looked around at the serious looks on their faces. "What, is this 'play a joke on Chad day?'"
"It isn't a joke."
"It's true."
"I'm an alien!" The Doctor grinned cheerily, not seeing the problem.
"Oh yeah? Is that a disguise then?" Chad challenged him. "You got big bug eyes and green skin underneath?"
"Chad!" Mary Anne exclaimed, appalled.
"What?" Chad snorted. "If he's an alien I'd think I'd need some proof."
"He has two hearts," Kristy said.
"Well unless they're on the outside I wouldn't call that proof." Chad folded his arms.
Sighing, Kristy turned to The Doctor. "Maybe you could show him the TARDIS."
The Doctor shrugged. "Sure, I suppose that would do the trick." He jumped up, motioning for them to follow. "It's right in your front yard, if you'll follow me..."
"What the hell's a TARDIS?" Chad whispered to Mary Anne.
"It's a... you'll see."
Once out in the yard, The Doctor stood proudly in front of his ship, hands in his pockets. "Here she is!"
Chad raised his eyebrows, not impressed. "It's... a blue box."
"Yes. But you haven't seen the inside." With a flourish, The Doctor threw the doors open.
Frowning, Chad stuck his head inside and then drew it out quickly, his eyes wide. He started to circle around the TARDIS, waving his arms at the walls before going back inside and reaching out as if to make sure this wasn't an elaborate trick done with smoke and mirrors. Finally, he stumbled back out, looking a little pale. "It--It's bigger inside than outside..."
"I thought I was on PCP when I first saw it," Kristy said, sympathizing with his amazement.
Mary Anne peeked through the door, not quite having the nerve to step inside. "You told me what to expect but... wow. This is a wonderful ship, Doctor."
"Thank you, Mary Anne," The Doctor said, smiling warmly.
Chad grabbed Mary Anne's arm and pulled her behind him. "Y-You're an alien..."
"Yes, I thought we'd established that," The Doctor said. He looked to Kristy as if for confirmation and she nodded.
"What are you doing here?" Chad demanded.
"Well, your wife invited me to--"
"I don't mean that. I mean why are you here on Earth?"
Not liking Chad's tone, Kristy answered the question. "He travels all over but he likes it here best."
Nervously glancing around, Chad suggested, "Maybe we should go inside, before the neighbors start talking."
"Yes, there's a nice dinner waiting for us, right?" The Doctor smiled gently at Mary Anne, who was subtly trying to work her arm out of Chad's grip.
"Uh, yeah, Mary Anne cooked. Let's go in," Chad said.
Amused, Kristy looked at her best friend as they all walked back into the house. "Really? You cook now?"
"I had cookbooks on the wedding registry," Mary Anne confessed, blushing.
Kristy laughed and wrapped her arm around Mary Anne's shoulders. Hopefully her culinary ability had greatly improved; otherwise they were all in for an inedible dinner. As they were heading to the dining room, Chad fell back from the group.
"I just gotta hit the bathroom before we eat. Be right back." He slipped off and no one noticed him take his cellphone out of his pocket and quietly dial.
"Go ahead and take a seat," Mary Anne told her guests. "I'll bring stuff out to you."
"Oh no, I'll help," Kristy protested.
The Doctor sat down at the table. "Well, I guess I'll let you two wait on me then."
Laughing, the girls set to work piling up plates with the roast beef, veggies, potatoes, and rolls Mary Anne had made and everyone sat down, ready to dig in. It looked and smelled nice, maybe Kristy wouldn't have to stop by McDonalds at the end of the evening after all?
About five minutes later, Chad came back and sat down too. "Wow, this looks great, Sweetheart."
"Thanks, baby." Mary Anne leaned over and gave him a soft kiss and Kristy averted her gaze, choosing to focus on the roast beef she cut a piece of and cautiously placed in her mouth.
"Wow, this is actually edible," Kristy said then realized too late how blunt and bitchy that sounded. "I mean, you've come a long way, Mary Anne."
"Thanks, Kristy," Mary Anne said dryly, but smiled. She took a bite herself and then asked, "So where were you guys last?"
"Oh!" Kristy exclaimed, excited to tell travel stories. "We were on this one planet, Madawhatsamadoozie," The Doctor winced at her mispronunciation, "where they had sheep the size of horses! It was wild! There was a stampede and we had to help stop it before they trampled this nearby village."
Nodding, The Doctor added, "But they were lovable creatures, really."
"Yeah," Kristy agreed. "They were really cute and they'd eat sugar cubes right out of your hand."
Mary Anne smiled, charmed. "Awww! I wish we had giant sheep here!"
"Well, maybe we could go back and bring you along?" Kristy suggested, looking to The Doctor for permission.
Everyone jumped as Chad choked on his mouthful of roast beef.
The Doctor nodded again, ignoring Chad's hacking fit. "Sure, it's a rather safe planet, giant stampeding sheep herds notwithstanding."
"Well, it's not like that was the norm. They mainly just stand around and baaaaaaaah." She started to giggle but when no one else did, felt like a jackass. "You know."
"You okay, baby?" Mary Anne asked, patting Chad on the back.
He shook his head 'no,' still coughing a bit. "J-Just the w--" He coughed again. "Wrong way d-down."
Rubbing soothing circles into his back, Mary Anne returned her attention to Kristy. "Where else have you been?"
"Well, there was this nightclub they built on a glacier that we went to. It was so cool! To ice the drinks, they just went outside and chipped some off the ground."
"Best Banana Daiquiris I've ever had," The Doctor contributed.
Giggling, Kristy pointed at The Doctor. "You wouldn't beliiiiieve how many he had. He ended up on stage with the band playing this thing that looked like an Alpine horn."
"A hexiosnarfel," he corrected her. "Extremely rare and quite a challenge to play."
"A challenge you haven't quite met," she said, still laughing. "It sounded like an elephant trying to fart the Hawaii Five-0 theme."
Mary Anne nearly spit her food out as she joined Kristy's laughter but Chad looked rather stoic, as if he wasn't listening.
"All right, all right. At least I tried," The Doctor grumbled. "How many instruments do you play?"
"Sorry," Kristy said, not looking all that sorry. "Enough about us, though. How's married life, you two?"
"Oh, it's really great! I've never been so happy." Mary Anne looked at Chad who was staring off at nothing. "Chad? Baby?"
".... Earth to Shelten?" Kristy said, cupping her hands around her mouth.
Chad snapped back to reality. "Sorry, I was thinking."
"About me?" Mary Anne asked with a soft smile.
"Nah, it was about work stuff, but I'll switch to thinking about you now."
For a moment, Mary Anne looked hurt but then her smile came back. "Okay."
"So having a house that's all your own," Kristy said, changing the subject. "That's cool. But isn't this place kind of big for just the two of you?"
"Well..." Mary Anne smiled at Chad. "We want to have kids, so the extra room's for them."
Kristy blinked in surprise. "Really? Kids?"
Mary Anne seemed surprised by Kristy's surprise. "Yes, you know I've always wanted kids, and so has Chad." She beamed at her man.
"It's just that... I don't know.. I thought..." He's just so old. Kristy looked at Chad then quickly looked away. "That's great, you guys."
Mary Anne looked at her in puzzlement as Chad subtly glanced at his watch and The Doctor continued eating. Luckily, the doorbell rang and broke the awkward tension that had filled the room.
"Who could that be?" Mary Anne asked, getting up to answer the door. "We're not expecting anyone else."
On the front porch, she found blank-faced men in black suits. Uneasily, she shielded more of her body with the front door. "Um, yes?"
"Is this the Shelten residence, miss?" one of the men asked.
"Yes, I'm Mrs. Shelten," Mary Anne said, a little peeved that she was still being called 'miss.'
"We received a call from a Sergeant Shelten about twenty minutes ago. It's a matter of national security that you let us into your home right now." Both of the men flashed badges and three letters stood out to her: FBI.
Confused, Mary Anne turned and called to the dining room, "Chad? Did you call someone--" Before she could finish, the men pushed right by her.
"Hey!" she exclaimed, knocked back.
In the dining room, Kristy looked up in surprise as the government men came in, flashing badges. She'd watched E.T. as a kid and knew that government plus alien equaled bad news.
"Sergeant Shelten? We received reports of an extra terrestrial creature in your residence?" one of the men said.
Chad casually pointed his fork at The Doctor. "Yeah, that one. He's an alien. His spaceship's in the front yard. It's a weird blue box."
Mary Anne's jaw dropped and Kristy sputtered, "You asshole!"
"Who knows what he's planning! He could blow up the earth or assassinate the president or something," Chad said, glaring at her.
One of the agents drew his gun and pointed it at The Doctor. "Put your hands where I can see them, please. No sudden moves, we don't want anyone to get hurt."
"Well neither do I," The Doctor said. He moved as if he were slowly raising his hands from underneath the table but then a high frequency sound from his screwdriver filled the air. Everyone clutched at their ears and The Doctor grabbed Kristy's hand as they made a run for it.
They made it outside where they found another agent on the lawn, holding a gun on them. "Stop right there!!"
The Doctor pushed Kristy behind him. "Now, now, let's everyone just calm down." He turned on the screwdriver again and the high frequency sound it made dropped the agent to his knees and nearly toppled Kristy as well, but The Doctor slung his arm around her waist and practically dragged her back to the TARDIS.
"Now that was unexpected," The Doctor said once the doors were closed.
"Oh my God," Kristy said shakily, wrapping her arms around him.
He hugged her back, smoothing a hand over her hair. "It's going to be fine, but I think we should vacate this particular planet for a little while."
She nodded, reluctantly releasing him so he could go to the controls. "Yeah. Yeah, you're right."
~*~
"Kristy!" Mary Anne called as the TARDIS started to fade away with a loud whooshing sound. She stood away from the FBI agent, watching in dismay as her best friend from childhood disappeared. Angrily, she turned away and marched back to the house where Chad was giving his statement to the agents. She leaned against the wall of the entryway, seething.
"Thank you, Sergeant Shelten. You were right to call us. If you ever see the creature again, let us know." The agents filed out of the house, one of them nodding to Mary Anne. "Mrs. Shelten."
Once they were gone, Mary Anne stared at Chad stonily. He looked back at her and sighed. "He could've been dangerous, you know."
"No. I didn't know. And neither did you," Mary Anne snapped. "You just jumped to conclusions!"
Surprised, Chad said, "Umm, he could probably blow up the world or something. That requires action."
"So you think my friends are terrorists."
"No, I think your friend's alien friend is dangerous, and I didn't even want him in our house in the first place, much less on this planet!"
Mary Anne was stunned for a moment. "My friends aren't allowed in our home?? And then you go behind my back and call the FBI??"
"Yes! I knew you'd try to talk me out of it, and I didn't think we'd be safe until he was in custody."
She gaped at him. "You're unbelievable."
Chad narrowed his eyes at her. "You may think he's some kind of friendly alien like in a campy tv series from the '60s, but how do we know what he's hiding? He might have a plan for world domination."
"If you'd taken the time to talk to him, you'd know he isn't like that," Mary Anne exclaimed, frustrated.
"Like I said, he could be hiding something from all of us, even Kristy."
Mary Anne shook her head, looking disappointed. "Everyone warned me you were a bastard. I should've listened to them."
Stung, Chad followed her to the stairs as she started up them. "I did this to protect you from him!"
"You did this because you can't stand me paying attention to anyone who's not you," she said, continuing on without looking at him.
"Fine! Believe what you want to believe! I know why I did this!"
"Great! Have fun sleeping on the couch!"
"Fine! Don't come crying to me if you wake up tomorrow and it's the apocalypse because that alien got away!"
"Jerk!" The bedroom door slammed.
"Ungrateful!" Chad flopped onto the couch.
~*~
Out in space, The Doctor quietly chose the coordinates for another planet to visit. Somewhere nice, so Kristy's dress wouldn't go to waste. He worked one handed, because his other was wrapped up in both of Kristy's and he allowed it. The incident in the Shelten household had shaken them both up.
< Chapter Two - The Graxmab Came Back : Chapter Four - Back to the Eighties >
Title: Chapter Three - A Threat to Global Security
Author:
toxic_corn and nutmeg610Rating: R because Kristy can be a bit of a foulmouth.
Disclaimer: Characters belong to Ann M. Martin, Scholastic Books, and the BBC. Sometimes ABC even. And NBC. Okay, practically no one is ours, okay? We aren't collecting any money so pretty please don't sue? We're both broke college students.
Summary: Kristy Thomas has been doing well since her days as president of the Babysitters Club. She's about to graduate from the University of Connecticut and her best friend's finacee can get her a place in the LAPD. It looks like her future is set until a strange man in a magic blue box shows up and changes everything...
Authors' Note: Yet another pairing in the crack series. We found the idea of The Doctor having to put up with the blunt, bossy Kristy to be funny and from there the story grew. If you think that now we are officially certifiable, you're most likely right. This follows the other stories in the crack series: Your Boyfriend Snorts Cocaine, Mary Anne and Wanna Get It On, Dawn?
Catch up on earlier chapters at the organizational post.
Some old friends make a cameo apperance! ;)
Chad and I just got this gorgeous house and I really want you to see it. Do you think you and The Doctor would want to come over for dinner some night? I know that's not nearly as exciting as what you guys usually get up to, but I miss you. Write me back with a day/time/year that works for you, okay?
- email from Mary Anne Shelten to Kristy Thomas
"Don't you have any nice dress shoes? You always wear sneakers."
The Doctor blinked and looked down at his footwear. "What's wrong with my shoes? You've never complained about them before."
"Well, we've never-" Kristy started to hiss but then the front door opened, revealing Mary Anne Shelten, nee Spier.
A pleased smile lit up her face. "Kristy? Oh my, you look so nice! Like a girl!" Laughing, she enveloped Kristy in a warm hug that she returned.
"I wear dresses!" Kristy said defensively. "I look like a girl!" For the evening, she'd picked up a sparkly blue dress with cap sleeves that stopped just at her knees. It was cute, for a dress. Even after all these years, she still didn't care for them much. "The place looks great by the way," she said, changing the subject. Especially the lawn. It's very green."
"Oh thanks. Chad does... something to it, I'm not sure what." She laughed and then looked curiously at The Doctor. "Hello."
"Oh!" Kristy mentally kicked herself. "This is The Doctor. Doctor, this is my best friend, Mary Anne Sp- Shelten."
All the time they'd been talking, The Doctor had been staring up at the house. But he turned his attention to Mary Anne once Kristy had started her introductions. "Hello, do you by chance know the electricity output this house makes monthly?"
Mary Anne's smile faded and she sent a quick look Kristy's way. "Umm, no, sorry I don't."
"Ah, that's all right. Perhaps I'll just read your meter later."
Kristy stared at him. Was he always this weird? It was hard to judge; maybe in the last six months or so she'd grown so used to him that being around normal people brought his oddities into sharper contrast.
"Why don't you guys come inside?" Mary Anne said, and stepped back to let them in.
"Could you please not be a huge dork?!" Kristy hissed at him as Mary Anne shut the door, politely pretending she wasn't listening.
"What? I was curious!"
Their voices drew Chad from his office and he came out and smiled when he saw Kristy. "Thomas? The hell, who invited you here?"
Smiling, Kristy socked him in the arm. "Hey, dillweed." She and Chad hadn't exactly gotten along at first but their mutual love for sports and for Mary Anne had brought them together and she saw him as another older brother.
Chad smiled back at her. "And in a dress no less. This must be the end of the world."
"I wear dresses!" Kristy exclaimed. "I wore one to your wedding, Beavis!"
"Well I hardly noticed what with the bride looking so stunning." He sent Mary Anne a gentle smile and of course she melted and went to stand at her husband's side, wrapping her arms around his middle.
"Chad, this is Kristy's friend, The Doctor."
"Doctor Who?" Chad asked, holding his hand out for The Doctor to shake.
"Just The Doctor, thank you." The Doctor shook Chad's hand and then pointed upwards. "Does your home have central air?"
"Yes," Chad said, raising an eyebrow. It took everything Kristy had not to face palm. Going into this evening, she knew that Mary Anne would like The Doctor but she'd been worried about Chad. When he decided he didn't like someone, he usually did everything in his power to make it known that he felt that way. And judging by the look on his face, he was deciding right now that he didn't care much for The Doctor.
"Um. Would anyone like something to drink?" Mary Anne suggested, breaking the tension like a good hostess. "I have some refreshments set up on the deck if you're interested."
"Awesome!" Kristy said, entirely overenthusiastic. Once Mary Anne and Chad turned their backs, she dug her elbow into The Doctor's ribs. "I said stop it."
"What?" The Doctor asked, looking baffled. "I'm interested in cooling systems in human homes; what's the problem?"
"It's just... weird. You don't want to get on Chad's bad side." Kristy chewed on her lip a moment and then followed the Sheltens through the kitchen and the dining room, through the sliding glass door to the deck where a wine bucket had been set up. Chad popped out the cork and they all took seats and thanked him as he filled each of their glass with sparkling white wine.
"So Doctor," Chad said once they were all settled. "Are you and Kristy dating?"
The question came just as Kristy was swallowing and she choked on her drink, covering her mouth with one hand.
The Doctor patted her on the back, not really paying attention to her. "No, no. She's merely my friend and traveling companion."
Kristy recovered and said, "Merely," smiling weakly. Mary Anne gave her a sympathetic look.
Ignoring this, The Doctor asked, "So, Chad, you're a police officer?"
"Yeah, I'm a Sergeant. I work in Internal Affairs. And what do you do?"
"Oh, I travel mainly. Have adventures. Usual thing." The Doctor took a casual sip of his drink.
"And how do you pay for all that?" Chad asked, disapproval creeping into his tone and making Kristy's heart sink.
The Doctor blinked in surprise. "Sorry?"
"I thought he knew?" Kristy said quietly to Mary Anne.
Mary Anne shifted uncomfortably. "Umm, well actually, I, uh... I never got around to..."
"What?" Chad asked, his imagination no doubt coming up with a million possibilities.
"The Doctor's um..." Kristy looked over at him, wondering if maybe he should drop that bombshell himself.
"Well, I'm not from around here," The Doctor said.
"Yeah, I got that from the English accent." Chad said dryly.
Were they all going to pussyfoot around? "He's an alien," Kristy blurted out.
Chad rolled his eyes. "Right, and I'm Liberace."
"Better go put on one of your spangly jackets, then," Kristy said with a rueful smile.
"Oh sure. I got a closet full of them." Chad looked around at the serious looks on their faces. "What, is this 'play a joke on Chad day?'"
"It isn't a joke."
"It's true."
"I'm an alien!" The Doctor grinned cheerily, not seeing the problem.
"Oh yeah? Is that a disguise then?" Chad challenged him. "You got big bug eyes and green skin underneath?"
"Chad!" Mary Anne exclaimed, appalled.
"What?" Chad snorted. "If he's an alien I'd think I'd need some proof."
"He has two hearts," Kristy said.
"Well unless they're on the outside I wouldn't call that proof." Chad folded his arms.
Sighing, Kristy turned to The Doctor. "Maybe you could show him the TARDIS."
The Doctor shrugged. "Sure, I suppose that would do the trick." He jumped up, motioning for them to follow. "It's right in your front yard, if you'll follow me..."
"What the hell's a TARDIS?" Chad whispered to Mary Anne.
"It's a... you'll see."
Once out in the yard, The Doctor stood proudly in front of his ship, hands in his pockets. "Here she is!"
Chad raised his eyebrows, not impressed. "It's... a blue box."
"Yes. But you haven't seen the inside." With a flourish, The Doctor threw the doors open.
Frowning, Chad stuck his head inside and then drew it out quickly, his eyes wide. He started to circle around the TARDIS, waving his arms at the walls before going back inside and reaching out as if to make sure this wasn't an elaborate trick done with smoke and mirrors. Finally, he stumbled back out, looking a little pale. "It--It's bigger inside than outside..."
"I thought I was on PCP when I first saw it," Kristy said, sympathizing with his amazement.
Mary Anne peeked through the door, not quite having the nerve to step inside. "You told me what to expect but... wow. This is a wonderful ship, Doctor."
"Thank you, Mary Anne," The Doctor said, smiling warmly.
Chad grabbed Mary Anne's arm and pulled her behind him. "Y-You're an alien..."
"Yes, I thought we'd established that," The Doctor said. He looked to Kristy as if for confirmation and she nodded.
"What are you doing here?" Chad demanded.
"Well, your wife invited me to--"
"I don't mean that. I mean why are you here on Earth?"
Not liking Chad's tone, Kristy answered the question. "He travels all over but he likes it here best."
Nervously glancing around, Chad suggested, "Maybe we should go inside, before the neighbors start talking."
"Yes, there's a nice dinner waiting for us, right?" The Doctor smiled gently at Mary Anne, who was subtly trying to work her arm out of Chad's grip.
"Uh, yeah, Mary Anne cooked. Let's go in," Chad said.
Amused, Kristy looked at her best friend as they all walked back into the house. "Really? You cook now?"
"I had cookbooks on the wedding registry," Mary Anne confessed, blushing.
Kristy laughed and wrapped her arm around Mary Anne's shoulders. Hopefully her culinary ability had greatly improved; otherwise they were all in for an inedible dinner. As they were heading to the dining room, Chad fell back from the group.
"I just gotta hit the bathroom before we eat. Be right back." He slipped off and no one noticed him take his cellphone out of his pocket and quietly dial.
"Go ahead and take a seat," Mary Anne told her guests. "I'll bring stuff out to you."
"Oh no, I'll help," Kristy protested.
The Doctor sat down at the table. "Well, I guess I'll let you two wait on me then."
Laughing, the girls set to work piling up plates with the roast beef, veggies, potatoes, and rolls Mary Anne had made and everyone sat down, ready to dig in. It looked and smelled nice, maybe Kristy wouldn't have to stop by McDonalds at the end of the evening after all?
About five minutes later, Chad came back and sat down too. "Wow, this looks great, Sweetheart."
"Thanks, baby." Mary Anne leaned over and gave him a soft kiss and Kristy averted her gaze, choosing to focus on the roast beef she cut a piece of and cautiously placed in her mouth.
"Wow, this is actually edible," Kristy said then realized too late how blunt and bitchy that sounded. "I mean, you've come a long way, Mary Anne."
"Thanks, Kristy," Mary Anne said dryly, but smiled. She took a bite herself and then asked, "So where were you guys last?"
"Oh!" Kristy exclaimed, excited to tell travel stories. "We were on this one planet, Madawhatsamadoozie," The Doctor winced at her mispronunciation, "where they had sheep the size of horses! It was wild! There was a stampede and we had to help stop it before they trampled this nearby village."
Nodding, The Doctor added, "But they were lovable creatures, really."
"Yeah," Kristy agreed. "They were really cute and they'd eat sugar cubes right out of your hand."
Mary Anne smiled, charmed. "Awww! I wish we had giant sheep here!"
"Well, maybe we could go back and bring you along?" Kristy suggested, looking to The Doctor for permission.
Everyone jumped as Chad choked on his mouthful of roast beef.
The Doctor nodded again, ignoring Chad's hacking fit. "Sure, it's a rather safe planet, giant stampeding sheep herds notwithstanding."
"Well, it's not like that was the norm. They mainly just stand around and baaaaaaaah." She started to giggle but when no one else did, felt like a jackass. "You know."
"You okay, baby?" Mary Anne asked, patting Chad on the back.
He shook his head 'no,' still coughing a bit. "J-Just the w--" He coughed again. "Wrong way d-down."
Rubbing soothing circles into his back, Mary Anne returned her attention to Kristy. "Where else have you been?"
"Well, there was this nightclub they built on a glacier that we went to. It was so cool! To ice the drinks, they just went outside and chipped some off the ground."
"Best Banana Daiquiris I've ever had," The Doctor contributed.
Giggling, Kristy pointed at The Doctor. "You wouldn't beliiiiieve how many he had. He ended up on stage with the band playing this thing that looked like an Alpine horn."
"A hexiosnarfel," he corrected her. "Extremely rare and quite a challenge to play."
"A challenge you haven't quite met," she said, still laughing. "It sounded like an elephant trying to fart the Hawaii Five-0 theme."
Mary Anne nearly spit her food out as she joined Kristy's laughter but Chad looked rather stoic, as if he wasn't listening.
"All right, all right. At least I tried," The Doctor grumbled. "How many instruments do you play?"
"Sorry," Kristy said, not looking all that sorry. "Enough about us, though. How's married life, you two?"
"Oh, it's really great! I've never been so happy." Mary Anne looked at Chad who was staring off at nothing. "Chad? Baby?"
".... Earth to Shelten?" Kristy said, cupping her hands around her mouth.
Chad snapped back to reality. "Sorry, I was thinking."
"About me?" Mary Anne asked with a soft smile.
"Nah, it was about work stuff, but I'll switch to thinking about you now."
For a moment, Mary Anne looked hurt but then her smile came back. "Okay."
"So having a house that's all your own," Kristy said, changing the subject. "That's cool. But isn't this place kind of big for just the two of you?"
"Well..." Mary Anne smiled at Chad. "We want to have kids, so the extra room's for them."
Kristy blinked in surprise. "Really? Kids?"
Mary Anne seemed surprised by Kristy's surprise. "Yes, you know I've always wanted kids, and so has Chad." She beamed at her man.
"It's just that... I don't know.. I thought..." He's just so old. Kristy looked at Chad then quickly looked away. "That's great, you guys."
Mary Anne looked at her in puzzlement as Chad subtly glanced at his watch and The Doctor continued eating. Luckily, the doorbell rang and broke the awkward tension that had filled the room.
"Who could that be?" Mary Anne asked, getting up to answer the door. "We're not expecting anyone else."
On the front porch, she found blank-faced men in black suits. Uneasily, she shielded more of her body with the front door. "Um, yes?"
"Is this the Shelten residence, miss?" one of the men asked.
"Yes, I'm Mrs. Shelten," Mary Anne said, a little peeved that she was still being called 'miss.'
"We received a call from a Sergeant Shelten about twenty minutes ago. It's a matter of national security that you let us into your home right now." Both of the men flashed badges and three letters stood out to her: FBI.
Confused, Mary Anne turned and called to the dining room, "Chad? Did you call someone--" Before she could finish, the men pushed right by her.
"Hey!" she exclaimed, knocked back.
In the dining room, Kristy looked up in surprise as the government men came in, flashing badges. She'd watched E.T. as a kid and knew that government plus alien equaled bad news.
"Sergeant Shelten? We received reports of an extra terrestrial creature in your residence?" one of the men said.
Chad casually pointed his fork at The Doctor. "Yeah, that one. He's an alien. His spaceship's in the front yard. It's a weird blue box."
Mary Anne's jaw dropped and Kristy sputtered, "You asshole!"
"Who knows what he's planning! He could blow up the earth or assassinate the president or something," Chad said, glaring at her.
One of the agents drew his gun and pointed it at The Doctor. "Put your hands where I can see them, please. No sudden moves, we don't want anyone to get hurt."
"Well neither do I," The Doctor said. He moved as if he were slowly raising his hands from underneath the table but then a high frequency sound from his screwdriver filled the air. Everyone clutched at their ears and The Doctor grabbed Kristy's hand as they made a run for it.
They made it outside where they found another agent on the lawn, holding a gun on them. "Stop right there!!"
The Doctor pushed Kristy behind him. "Now, now, let's everyone just calm down." He turned on the screwdriver again and the high frequency sound it made dropped the agent to his knees and nearly toppled Kristy as well, but The Doctor slung his arm around her waist and practically dragged her back to the TARDIS.
"Now that was unexpected," The Doctor said once the doors were closed.
"Oh my God," Kristy said shakily, wrapping her arms around him.
He hugged her back, smoothing a hand over her hair. "It's going to be fine, but I think we should vacate this particular planet for a little while."
She nodded, reluctantly releasing him so he could go to the controls. "Yeah. Yeah, you're right."
"Kristy!" Mary Anne called as the TARDIS started to fade away with a loud whooshing sound. She stood away from the FBI agent, watching in dismay as her best friend from childhood disappeared. Angrily, she turned away and marched back to the house where Chad was giving his statement to the agents. She leaned against the wall of the entryway, seething.
"Thank you, Sergeant Shelten. You were right to call us. If you ever see the creature again, let us know." The agents filed out of the house, one of them nodding to Mary Anne. "Mrs. Shelten."
Once they were gone, Mary Anne stared at Chad stonily. He looked back at her and sighed. "He could've been dangerous, you know."
"No. I didn't know. And neither did you," Mary Anne snapped. "You just jumped to conclusions!"
Surprised, Chad said, "Umm, he could probably blow up the world or something. That requires action."
"So you think my friends are terrorists."
"No, I think your friend's alien friend is dangerous, and I didn't even want him in our house in the first place, much less on this planet!"
Mary Anne was stunned for a moment. "My friends aren't allowed in our home?? And then you go behind my back and call the FBI??"
"Yes! I knew you'd try to talk me out of it, and I didn't think we'd be safe until he was in custody."
She gaped at him. "You're unbelievable."
Chad narrowed his eyes at her. "You may think he's some kind of friendly alien like in a campy tv series from the '60s, but how do we know what he's hiding? He might have a plan for world domination."
"If you'd taken the time to talk to him, you'd know he isn't like that," Mary Anne exclaimed, frustrated.
"Like I said, he could be hiding something from all of us, even Kristy."
Mary Anne shook her head, looking disappointed. "Everyone warned me you were a bastard. I should've listened to them."
Stung, Chad followed her to the stairs as she started up them. "I did this to protect you from him!"
"You did this because you can't stand me paying attention to anyone who's not you," she said, continuing on without looking at him.
"Fine! Believe what you want to believe! I know why I did this!"
"Great! Have fun sleeping on the couch!"
"Fine! Don't come crying to me if you wake up tomorrow and it's the apocalypse because that alien got away!"
"Jerk!" The bedroom door slammed.
"Ungrateful!" Chad flopped onto the couch.
Out in space, The Doctor quietly chose the coordinates for another planet to visit. Somewhere nice, so Kristy's dress wouldn't go to waste. He worked one handed, because his other was wrapped up in both of Kristy's and he allowed it. The incident in the Shelten household had shaken them both up.
< Chapter Two - The Graxmab Came Back : Chapter Four - Back to the Eighties >
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2007-03-14 06:55 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-03-14 07:02 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-03-14 07:07 pm (UTC)I was surprised that Kristy just didn't start explaining just what she thought of them having children, though - that would have been all she wrote because Chad would most likely blow a gasket at someone telling him that he's too old for something XD But how sweet is it that The Doctor is making sure Kristy can still go out in her new dress? *awwwww*
no subject
Date: 2007-03-14 07:28 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-03-14 10:02 pm (UTC)Yay for the Sheltens! Also, Kristy and the Doctor are getting cuter every chapter!
....... any chance of them running into Captain Jack? *big, pleading eyes*
no subject
Date: 2007-03-14 10:17 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-03-14 11:06 pm (UTC)But I must say, I loved the little lines like this!
no subject
Date: 2007-03-14 11:21 pm (UTC)I really wish I could take credit for that line but that was all Nutmeg. She's such an awesome Chad!
no subject
Date: 2007-03-15 03:43 am (UTC)You two could ship an apple and a guitar and I'd probably be emotionally invested in the outcome of their adventures by the time you were done...
*realizes Firefly-verse significance of apples and guitars*
*facepalm*
no subject
Date: 2007-03-15 03:54 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-03-15 07:59 am (UTC)Chad, some times you are such a *extremely insulting word deleted*.
"You may think he's some kind of friendly alien like in a campy tv series from the '60s" Bwa ha ha ha ha.
no subject
Date: 2007-03-15 07:50 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-03-15 06:57 pm (UTC)Ulgh. Sometimes I forget what a dick Chad can be.
Nice chapter.
no subject
Date: 2007-03-15 07:51 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-10 06:07 pm (UTC)*hand face palm*
What a moron...
no subject
Date: 2008-01-10 08:01 pm (UTC)