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toxic_cornTitle: Maybe I'm Amazed
Author: Toxic Corn
Rating: R
Disclaimer: Firefly is Joss's, not mine. This is all in fun, no profit is made.
Notes: Here's the sequel to the crackfic I wrote this summer, Take My Hand. It took forever to write this and one scrapped opening to get the sheer crackity crack completed. Proceed with caution.
Maybe I’m Amazed
“You sensin’ anything yet?” Jayne eyed the stretch of woods Mal had set them to guard during the deal to make sure no one snuck in who didn’t belong. The sooner they got this job done, the better. Jayne had heard about this place before, some bogeyman was supposed to live here. The locals were so scared of it, it seemed the perfect place for a drop, no one with half a brain came here.
Not that he believed in bogies or was worried about ‘em. But those legends usually have some grain of truth and Jayne didn’t exactly want to meet some crazy hermit who’d crack open their skulls and feast on their brains.
“No brain eating hermits, no,” River said, sounding amused.
“You said you weren’t gonna read me.” Jayne sent her one of his looks that usually made men soil themselves, but his girl just snuggled her chin on his shoulder, smiling sweetly. That usually softened his scowl, making it impossible to stay annoyed with her.
“I’m sorry,” she said, softly. “I promise not to do it again.”
“Okay,” Jayne grumped. “If ya promise.”
She kissed him gently and pulled away to scan the trees. “The exchange is complete. Maybe we should try to look a little more professional when they come out again.”
“Why?” Jayne whined. They had sacked out on the ground, River curled up in his lap so once in awhile he could steal a kiss or a grope if the mood called for it. Though she was acting kind of weird about the groping, not allowing much. Come to think of it, he couldn’t really recall the last time he’d gotten a good grope of River.
River gave him one of her looks and he huffed, allowing her to get up and he rose to his feet himself.
“This professional enough, or do I gotta salute Mal when he-”
“Shhh.” She tensed, staring out into the woods.
Jayne grabbed his gun. “Someone crash the party?”
She didn’t respond, just kept staring out into the trees, frowning like she was trying real hard to figure something out. It gave Jayne an uneasiness and he wished she’d just tell him what she was “hearing.”
Then without warning she went dashing off into the woods.
“River!” Jayne followed, keeping his gun out. Whatever or whoever was out there, they’d barely get the chance to so much as look at his girl before he blew its damn head off.
He managed to lose her, she was going so fast and whipping around the trees with the agility of a deer.
“Great,” he muttered and started stepping cautiously. Now he couldn’t shoot first without fear of shooting her instead.
It wasn’t long before he found her in a clearing, staring into the bushes as they rustled. He went to her and pushed her behind him, cocking his weapon. All the fella had to do was come out and Jayne could…
“No!” Her hand shot out and grabbed his, little fingers gouging into nerves that made him roar and unconsciously open his hand, dropping his gun to the ground.
“Gorramn it, you crazy li’l witch, what was that-”
The bushes rustled again and up rose the biggest, shaggiest creature Jayne had ever seen. It was almost as big as he was and stank to high heaven. Jayne started to take a few cautious steps back, reaching for River.
She didn’t move, staring up at the creature with no fear. “Hello.”
~*~
“You wanna tell me what I’m lookin’ at?” Mal asked.
“Don’t ask at me, I wanted ta shoot it,” Jayne grumbled.
River glared at him before answering the captain. “Sasquatch. Big Foot. Gigantopithecus blacki.”
“Well, that cleared things right up.”
Zoe stared at the creature, thoughtfully. “Seems harmless enough, sir.”
“Do those teeth look harmless to you?” Jayne snapped. “How’s about we get the hell away from it ‘n go get paid?”
“Zoe’s right. He’s had lots of time to attack but he only seems interested in pickin’ flowers.”
The creature sat just a few feet from them, picking flowers and once in awhile munching on one. It would look up at them from time to time, then go back to its flower picking, not seeming all that concerned. That kind of attitude grated on Jayne, who was used to getting more of a reaction out of folks. Not that this thing was folks.
“We’re taking him with us,” River said, firmly.
“We’re what?” Jayne, Mal, and Zoe all exclaimed.
“He called to me,” River explained. “Wants to go home. We have to take him there.”
“Albatross,” Mal said, shaking his head. “We have to get Fanty and Mingo their share of this job if we wanna pick up another. We don’t got time to stop by Creepifying Fuzzyman World for flowers and tea.”
“He said it’s not far,” River argued, stubbornly. “We can’t just leave him.”
“Riv, come on,” Jayne growled. “This ain’t any of our concern. Just cuz we picked up baggage in the past don’t mean we gotta make a habit out of it.”
Everyone winced as River’s eyes widened.
“Baggage. Is that what Simon and I are, too? Baggage?”
“Hey now, I didn’t mean it like-”
Angrily, River turned away from him. “He’s coming with us.” She marched over to the creature and held her hand out to it. The creatures sniffed at her and then accepted her hand, hauling itself to its feet and allowing River to lead it back to the ship.
“I never said it was coming with us!” Mal protested.
River ignored him and kept walking.
“So, is the title ‘Captain’ just decoration or is anybody ever gonna listen to me?”
~*~
Kaylee had nearly had a heart attack when the creature first shuffled on board but she’d soon warmed up to it, helpless flower-eater that it was.
There’d been some initial concern over where it was going to sleep.
“It ain’t stayin’ in one of my dorms,” Mal said, sharper than he normally would’ve, just to try to establish his role as leader. “I won’t have it.”
“Why, Mal?” Inara raised her eyebrows, mockingly. “Are you afraid he’ll sully the good linen?”
Mal chose not to dignify that with a comment. “Kaylee, find some old canvas and tarps and set up a bed for it here. We’ll just have to hope the smell fades once we get it back on its own world, which is where exactly?” He turned to River questioningly and looked annoyed when she shrugged.
“You shouldn’t be callin’ him an ‘it,’ Cap’n,” Kaylee said, giving him a disapproving look. “You’re gonna make ‘im feel bad.”
Mal rolled his eyes skyward. Why me? “You’re right, that’s rude of me. River, what’s his name?”
River bristled. “He’s not the family dog, he doesn’t have a name!” Off of everyone’s stares, she admitted. “I’ve been calling him Enkidu.”
“Great. Kaylee, now can you find some old canvas and tarps so you can set up a bed for ol’ Inky the Kid here? If it’s not too much trouble.”
Kaylee left, muttering under her breath about what sarcastic captains waking up to find their eyebrows shaved off.
Mal heaved a tired sigh. “River, I need you up on the bridge to get us out of here. And be sure, we’re gonna have a long talk about this.”
~*~
River listened politely as the Captain lectured her. She wanted to roll her eyes but knew that such an action would tack on another ten minutes to his ranting. So she did her best to make it look like she was paying attention, while she tapped away at the keyboard.
“I’m the only one who gives orders on this boat. Not you. I know you’re a genius but I’m the captain here. Now where the hell are we supposed to leave that thing? We can’t drop him off on Beaumonde and wish him the best of luck, you know. The way I figure it, he was better off where he-”
“Sir,” Zoe interrupted him, staring at the screen.
“Zoe, I’m in the middle of-”
“I think River just solved our problem.” Zoe nodded at the screen.
River moved to the side so the captain could see.
“Olympus,” he said, staring at the map. “But wasn’t it-”
“Gone?” Zoe folded her arms. “It was. And from the looks of it, it’s moved.”
The captain frowned. “Huh. Maybe we had it wrong last time.”
“Maybe,” Zoe said, doubtfully.
“Well.” The captain stood up straight. “Good as place as any to leave Inky. Lots of trees for him to hang about in and plenty of flowers to gorge himself on. Until we get there, though, he’s your responsibility, little one. I don’t wanna find turds the size of my fist in my cargo bay, dong ma?”
River smiled. “Yes, Captain.”
~*~
Mal couldn’t complain about Enkidu. Despite having him on board, they were able to finish the job without any difficulty. He surprisingly didn’t eat much and had no problem using the bucket River had gotten for him to use.
It was actually a good arrangement; once he was shown how to do something, he could do it, like stowing cargo. Good thing, too, since Olympus had moved far out and the trip there was going to take the better part of a week and Inky as they’d all come to call him needed to earn his keep.
No, Mal couldn’t complain.
But Jayne could.
~*~
All of River’s free time was gettin’ eat up by that big walking carpet. When she wasn’t on the bridge, she was in the bay talking at the creature like it could understand her any. At meals, she wouldn’t stay for very long before running off to eat with “Enkidu” because he “got lonely.” She’d started sleeping in her old room again, just in case Stinky needed her for something during the night. When she’d announced the new sleeping arrangement, he’d wanted to argue with her, tell her that the best sleep he got in his life was when she was in his bed but for some reason, he kept his mouth shut.
This time he was now spending apart from River made him start to analyze the way their relationship had been going for awhile. Things had been going damn well after they’d gotten over their confusion, she was sleepin’ in his bunk every night and had even moved some of her clothes in so she could get ready there in the morning. He’d wake up and she’d be cuddled close to him, her hand over his heart. Kinda felt nice.
But then she’d started to get cold. They’d play for awhile and then she’d pull back, saying she wasn’t feelin’ too good and she’d better spend the rest of the night in her own bunk. He would’ve said something, but in the morning she’d be fine and kissin’ on him again so he figured he had nothin’ to worry about, that maybe she was just on her monthly but was too shy to say.
Now with Stinky on board, Jayne could see how he and River had been growing apart all this time and he wished he’d spoken up earlier, found out what the hell was wrong so he could fix it, instead of feelin’ jealous of an ape man.
Jayne paused in cleaning his guns and stood up. Maybe it wasn’t too late, yet. He could talk to her now and set this all straight. Maybe have her in his bunk by the end of the night.
All thoughts of a calm talk vanished when he got to the cargo bay.
River was reading out loud to Inky, some book about flowers. That wasn’t the problem. The problem was the usurping creature was twining a strand of his girl’s pretty hair around its dirty finger.
“The hell’s going on here?!” Jayne roared. He clattered down the steps and felt a moment’s satisfaction as they both jumped, startled. “You stop that, right now!”
“I was only reading,” River said, eyes wide.
“I don’t mean you,” Jayne snapped and pointed at Enkidu. “Hands off!”
River’s mouth fell open. “Jayne! Green isn’t your color!”
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?!”
“It means you’re being a jealous fool!”
Jayne glowered down at her. “I ain’t hardly seen you in days and I come in here ta find ya all cuddly with this thing here. If you’re gonna be my girl, then you’re gonna start actin’ like it!”
She looked stunned for a moment but then gathered her calm together. “Maybe I’m not your girl.”
A horrible silence fell over them. At first, Jayne thought he must’ve heard her wrong, but one look at her blank face convinced him she’d really said it. The pain of it was excruciating, but he wasn’t about to give her the satisfaction of seeing how bad she’d hurt him.
“Guess you’re not,” he replied. Before she could respond, he turned and marched back up the stairs and went to his bunk, where he sank onto his bed, head in his hands.
~*~
Jayne was dreaming. He had to be.
He was walking down the hall to his bunk but he couldn’t remember waking up and going anyplace. So this had to be a dream.
Halfway there, he heard suspicious noises coming from his room. Anger boiled in his blood when he recognized it for what it was: Sexin’. Someone was sexin’ River in his room.
He popped the door open and went down the ladder, ready to kill whoever it was until he got a good look.
It was him.
Jayne stood there a moment, staring at the scene. It took him another moment to finally get his brain working to recognize that this moment was from the week before last, when River was still sleeping in his bed at night.
River moaned softly, digging her nails into his back.
“You almost there, River girl?” the other Jayne panted.
“Yes,” she breathed. Her eyes fluttered open prettily to gaze adoringly up at him. Jayne watched his other self and frowned. He never noticed how he always had sex with his eyes shut so tight. He was missing the picture River made, her face pink and glowing and the way she was looking at him, like nothing else in the ‘verse mattered to her… it didn’t seem right to miss that.
Jayne’s other self reached between his and River’s bodies and then River was flying apart, calling his name.
“Jayne!”
The Jayne currently having the honor of sexin’ River roared out his own orgasm but only dreaming Jayne caught it as River mewed, “I love you.”
His jaw dropped. Had she said that? He didn’t remember her saying that! Well, this was just a dream right? Maybe she-
The other Jayne slumped onto River and dreaming Jayne could see she looked uncomfortable, but cuddled him just the same. He suddenly felt so much hate for this side of himself, he would’ve pummeled him if it was possible.
“Done wore me out,” the other Jayne mumbled, rolling over onto his side. He rubbed at his chest and smacked his lips.
You stupid bastard, Jayne thought as he saw the hurt in River’s pretty face. She blinked rapidly and bit her lip. Say somethin’.
“You’re gonna hafta wake me up in an hour so’s we can do it again.”
Jayne dropped his face into his palm. No wonder she’d been pulling away from him.
He looked up in time to see River gathering her clothes together. The other Jayne blinked sleepily at her.
“Where you goin’?”
“I’m not feeling well, I think it would be best if I slept in my own room.”
Don’t let her go. Tell her you-
“Okay. I don’t wanna get sick.” And he rolled over and went to sleep.
Jayne ground his teeth together. How could he have said that? He looked at River and saw her eyes filling with tears.
“Aw, Riv,” he breathed. “Don’t-”
Of course she couldn’t hear him and left the room, hand pressed to her mouth.
“You hundan,” Jayne snarled at his sleeping form. “It’s all your fault! You’re the reason we-”
Jayne woke up, alone in bed and stared upwards.
“Lost her.”
That had happened, hadn’t it? It wasn’t just a dream but some weird sleeping memory or something. Jayne sat up and stuffed his feet into his boots. He had to go check on her. A little late, yeah, but better late than never.
Passing through the bay, he saw that Enkidu was awake. The creature was looking at him and seemed to have been waiting on him. Jayne walked a little faster to get to River quicker, not because Inky was giving him the willies or anything.
At River’s door, he paused. The last time he’d been in there, he’d been helping her pick out what clothes to move to his bunk. Then they’d both decided that what she was wearing was no good so he’d helped her take it off and it had been quite some time until she’d put something on again.
Quietly, he slid the door open and peeked inside. She was curled up in a ball, hugging her pillow. Only…
He inched into the room and saw what was wrong with her pillow: It was wearing one of his t-shirts.
Despite all the crap she’d put up with, she missed him?
Jayne left the room silently, for the first time feeling something close to hope.
~*~
The next morning, bright and early, they landed on Olympus. It was just as creepifying and silent as they all remembered.
“Okay, Zoe, Jayne, ‘n River you’re comin’ with me,” Mal said. He patted his gun in its holster as if reassuring himself. “The rest of you I want to stay here. Don’t step one foot outside.”
“If it’s so dangerous, I don’t want you taking River,” Simon said, tersely.
“Doc, let’s not start on this,” Mal said. “She’s capable of taking care of herself, so it’s time to cut the apron strings, son.”
“I’ll be fine,” River told her brother. She smiled, trying to clear his cloudy expression. “Besides, I want to say goodbye to Enkidu.”
Kaylee was doing just that at the moment. “Bye, Inky,” she said, sadly and patted one of his massive paws. “Have fun and make lots of fuzzy friends!”
Enkidu nodded at her and then looked to the Captain, who was cupping Inara’s chin wishing her a wordless goodbye.
River slipped her hand into Enkidu’s much larger one. “Ready to go home?”
~*~
Enkidu led the way through the forest. They’d been walking for about an hour now and everyone was starting to get a little annoyed.
“When the hell are we gonna know he’s home?” Jayne grumbled. “Isn’t one tree same as the other?” He looked at River, wondering if she was going to start rambling about different species of tree but she was silent. Almost disappointed, he looked down at the ground.
Mal shrugged. “Guess we can just leave him.”
But they all continued to follow, almost like they were compelled to do so.
Suddenly, there was a shout from above and three figures leapt down out of the trees. A woman slammed Mal to the ground and held a knife to his throat, another woman knocked Jayne’s legs out from under him with a shiny shield, and a man slammed Zoe into a tree, winding her.
River ran at the woman holding Jayne but was put down by a kick to the solar plexus.
“What are you doing in my woods?” the lead woman snapped, holding her knife blade tighter against Mal’s throat.
“Let’s not get stabby here,” he said, nervously.
“State your business!”
“We’re just dropping off a passenger!”
The woman looked at the others, frowning. “None of these are my people.”
“The big, fuzzy fella is the one.” Mal paused. “The one without clothes.”
“Hey!” Jayne snapped, clutching his knees in pain.
The woman released Mal and made a signal to the others to do the same. She gave Mal a look. “How do you know of this world?”
“We were here about six months ago with Ditty and Eric Roman,” Mal said, touching his neck, gingerly. Just a little nicked.
The woman smiled. “They are good friends of mine. You can call me Miss Arty.” She nodded to the man and woman. “And that is Tina and my brother, Paul. We were on a hunt when you surprised us. We will take the shaggy creature from you, gladly.”
“So you can hunt him?” Mal asked, darkly.
Miss Arty shook her head, making her golden hair ripple. “No, of course not. Would you perhaps like to-”
“We’d just like to be leavin’,” Mal cut in on whatever invitation she was about to extend. He nodded at Enkidu. “So long, Inky.”
River went to the creature’s side and patted his arm. “Goodbye, Enkidu. It’s been a pleasure knowing you.”
Enkidu nodded and patted her on the arm right back, making her smile.
“Take care,” Mal said over his shoulder, leading his crew away. Once he was sure he was out of earshot, he muttered, “This planet sure as hell better disappear again.”
~*~
“Are you all right?” River walked alongside Jayne and gave him a worried look.
He winced as he limped along. “Yeah, ‘m fine. How ‘bout you? That looked like a hard hit.”
She rubbed at her stomach and smiled ruefully. “It was, but I’ll live.”
“You shouldnta gone chargin’ her like that, anyway. That ain’t normally your style.” He frowned at her disapprovingly. “Don’t ever do anything like that again.”
River ducked her head. “I know it was foolish but I wasn’t thinking. I just saw you in danger and I…”
They were quiet a few moments, listening to Mal just ahead griping to Zoe about his injury.
“’m sorry,” Jayne blurted out.
Startled, River looked up at him. “Sorry?”
“Yeah. For lots o’ things. I know I ain’t easy t’ get along with but I never meant to make ya feel bad.” He snapped a branch off of a nearby tree and started peeling the bark off of it. “I know I have.”
“Yes,” she agreed, sadly.
“I didn’t know,” he said, fiddling with the branch all the while. “What you said that time. Or maybe I did but didn’t let myself think about it or some crap.”
“We don’t need to talk about this,” River said, blushing. “It’s over and done.”
Swallowing, Jayne dropped the stick. “What if I don’t want it t’ be over and done?”
She stopped in her tracks, eyes big. “What are you saying?”
What was he saying? Jayne took a deep breath. His ma had always told him that to get what he wanted, he’d have to say something because no one was just going to hand it to him on a silver platter.
“I’m sayin’ that I love ya. If you wanna take an old hundan back and-”
“Yes!” She hugged him around his middle, tightly. “I’ve missed you.”
He hugged her back. “Missed ya more.”
“You did not.”
“I did, too!”
“We both missed each other more.”
“That don’t even make any sense.”
“Well, I am a little mentally unstable.”
Jayne burst out laughing and kissed her on the corner of her mouth. “Can’t argue with that.”
Mal and Zoe had stopped and were waiting for them to catch up. Mal rolled his eyes to see them with their arms wrapped around each other.
“Thought she was supposed to be a genius,” he said to Zoe.
Zoe smiled. “Love don’t make sense too often, sir.”
Mal snorted. “Ain’t that the truth.”
~*~
“Enkidu? You’re really simple, you know that?”
One moment the figure in the middle of their circle was a large, shaggy beast, the next he became a familiar, winged blonde man.
“What? It was a great disguise, they never recognized me!”
Miss Arty rolled her eyes. “Does your mother know what you were up to?”
“No.” He suddenly looked nervous. “You’re not going to tell her, are you?”
“Maybe. You brought strangers into my woods and you know that-”
“Awww, come on! I had to put them in danger so they could realize their petty squabbles didn’t matter in the long run. It worked.” He pointed at Tina. “And you got to put that luck on Zoe, I saw you.”
Tina looked embarrassed, lowering her grey-eyed gaze to the ground, shrugging. “I can’t let a good warrior go without giving her some luck. It’s my job.”
“And I was just doing mine,” the youth said, smugly.
The big, blonde man rolled his eyes. “Yes, you’re so clever.”
“Speaking of jobs,” the youth looked pointedly up at the sun, “shouldn’t you be off doing yours?”
“This is my day off! I got someone covering for me.”
“Uh huh.”
They all started to head toward the mountain, still arguing.
“So when do you go check in on them next like some worried mother? I think you should go as a unicorn.”
“Shut up.”
“Or maybe a pixie!”
“Shut up!”
~*~
To everyone’s relief, Olympus indeed disappeared off the map. This time, it stayed gone. But before leaving the planet, Jayne made River another daisy chain. This one never wilted and hangs on the wall above their bed to this day.
THE END
Author: Toxic Corn
Rating: R
Disclaimer: Firefly is Joss's, not mine. This is all in fun, no profit is made.
Notes: Here's the sequel to the crackfic I wrote this summer, Take My Hand. It took forever to write this and one scrapped opening to get the sheer crackity crack completed. Proceed with caution.
Maybe I’m Amazed
“You sensin’ anything yet?” Jayne eyed the stretch of woods Mal had set them to guard during the deal to make sure no one snuck in who didn’t belong. The sooner they got this job done, the better. Jayne had heard about this place before, some bogeyman was supposed to live here. The locals were so scared of it, it seemed the perfect place for a drop, no one with half a brain came here.
Not that he believed in bogies or was worried about ‘em. But those legends usually have some grain of truth and Jayne didn’t exactly want to meet some crazy hermit who’d crack open their skulls and feast on their brains.
“No brain eating hermits, no,” River said, sounding amused.
“You said you weren’t gonna read me.” Jayne sent her one of his looks that usually made men soil themselves, but his girl just snuggled her chin on his shoulder, smiling sweetly. That usually softened his scowl, making it impossible to stay annoyed with her.
“I’m sorry,” she said, softly. “I promise not to do it again.”
“Okay,” Jayne grumped. “If ya promise.”
She kissed him gently and pulled away to scan the trees. “The exchange is complete. Maybe we should try to look a little more professional when they come out again.”
“Why?” Jayne whined. They had sacked out on the ground, River curled up in his lap so once in awhile he could steal a kiss or a grope if the mood called for it. Though she was acting kind of weird about the groping, not allowing much. Come to think of it, he couldn’t really recall the last time he’d gotten a good grope of River.
River gave him one of her looks and he huffed, allowing her to get up and he rose to his feet himself.
“This professional enough, or do I gotta salute Mal when he-”
“Shhh.” She tensed, staring out into the woods.
Jayne grabbed his gun. “Someone crash the party?”
She didn’t respond, just kept staring out into the trees, frowning like she was trying real hard to figure something out. It gave Jayne an uneasiness and he wished she’d just tell him what she was “hearing.”
Then without warning she went dashing off into the woods.
“River!” Jayne followed, keeping his gun out. Whatever or whoever was out there, they’d barely get the chance to so much as look at his girl before he blew its damn head off.
He managed to lose her, she was going so fast and whipping around the trees with the agility of a deer.
“Great,” he muttered and started stepping cautiously. Now he couldn’t shoot first without fear of shooting her instead.
It wasn’t long before he found her in a clearing, staring into the bushes as they rustled. He went to her and pushed her behind him, cocking his weapon. All the fella had to do was come out and Jayne could…
“No!” Her hand shot out and grabbed his, little fingers gouging into nerves that made him roar and unconsciously open his hand, dropping his gun to the ground.
“Gorramn it, you crazy li’l witch, what was that-”
The bushes rustled again and up rose the biggest, shaggiest creature Jayne had ever seen. It was almost as big as he was and stank to high heaven. Jayne started to take a few cautious steps back, reaching for River.
She didn’t move, staring up at the creature with no fear. “Hello.”
“You wanna tell me what I’m lookin’ at?” Mal asked.
“Don’t ask at me, I wanted ta shoot it,” Jayne grumbled.
River glared at him before answering the captain. “Sasquatch. Big Foot. Gigantopithecus blacki.”
“Well, that cleared things right up.”
Zoe stared at the creature, thoughtfully. “Seems harmless enough, sir.”
“Do those teeth look harmless to you?” Jayne snapped. “How’s about we get the hell away from it ‘n go get paid?”
“Zoe’s right. He’s had lots of time to attack but he only seems interested in pickin’ flowers.”
The creature sat just a few feet from them, picking flowers and once in awhile munching on one. It would look up at them from time to time, then go back to its flower picking, not seeming all that concerned. That kind of attitude grated on Jayne, who was used to getting more of a reaction out of folks. Not that this thing was folks.
“We’re taking him with us,” River said, firmly.
“We’re what?” Jayne, Mal, and Zoe all exclaimed.
“He called to me,” River explained. “Wants to go home. We have to take him there.”
“Albatross,” Mal said, shaking his head. “We have to get Fanty and Mingo their share of this job if we wanna pick up another. We don’t got time to stop by Creepifying Fuzzyman World for flowers and tea.”
“He said it’s not far,” River argued, stubbornly. “We can’t just leave him.”
“Riv, come on,” Jayne growled. “This ain’t any of our concern. Just cuz we picked up baggage in the past don’t mean we gotta make a habit out of it.”
Everyone winced as River’s eyes widened.
“Baggage. Is that what Simon and I are, too? Baggage?”
“Hey now, I didn’t mean it like-”
Angrily, River turned away from him. “He’s coming with us.” She marched over to the creature and held her hand out to it. The creatures sniffed at her and then accepted her hand, hauling itself to its feet and allowing River to lead it back to the ship.
“I never said it was coming with us!” Mal protested.
River ignored him and kept walking.
“So, is the title ‘Captain’ just decoration or is anybody ever gonna listen to me?”
Kaylee had nearly had a heart attack when the creature first shuffled on board but she’d soon warmed up to it, helpless flower-eater that it was.
There’d been some initial concern over where it was going to sleep.
“It ain’t stayin’ in one of my dorms,” Mal said, sharper than he normally would’ve, just to try to establish his role as leader. “I won’t have it.”
“Why, Mal?” Inara raised her eyebrows, mockingly. “Are you afraid he’ll sully the good linen?”
Mal chose not to dignify that with a comment. “Kaylee, find some old canvas and tarps and set up a bed for it here. We’ll just have to hope the smell fades once we get it back on its own world, which is where exactly?” He turned to River questioningly and looked annoyed when she shrugged.
“You shouldn’t be callin’ him an ‘it,’ Cap’n,” Kaylee said, giving him a disapproving look. “You’re gonna make ‘im feel bad.”
Mal rolled his eyes skyward. Why me? “You’re right, that’s rude of me. River, what’s his name?”
River bristled. “He’s not the family dog, he doesn’t have a name!” Off of everyone’s stares, she admitted. “I’ve been calling him Enkidu.”
“Great. Kaylee, now can you find some old canvas and tarps so you can set up a bed for ol’ Inky the Kid here? If it’s not too much trouble.”
Kaylee left, muttering under her breath about what sarcastic captains waking up to find their eyebrows shaved off.
Mal heaved a tired sigh. “River, I need you up on the bridge to get us out of here. And be sure, we’re gonna have a long talk about this.”
River listened politely as the Captain lectured her. She wanted to roll her eyes but knew that such an action would tack on another ten minutes to his ranting. So she did her best to make it look like she was paying attention, while she tapped away at the keyboard.
“I’m the only one who gives orders on this boat. Not you. I know you’re a genius but I’m the captain here. Now where the hell are we supposed to leave that thing? We can’t drop him off on Beaumonde and wish him the best of luck, you know. The way I figure it, he was better off where he-”
“Sir,” Zoe interrupted him, staring at the screen.
“Zoe, I’m in the middle of-”
“I think River just solved our problem.” Zoe nodded at the screen.
River moved to the side so the captain could see.
“Olympus,” he said, staring at the map. “But wasn’t it-”
“Gone?” Zoe folded her arms. “It was. And from the looks of it, it’s moved.”
The captain frowned. “Huh. Maybe we had it wrong last time.”
“Maybe,” Zoe said, doubtfully.
“Well.” The captain stood up straight. “Good as place as any to leave Inky. Lots of trees for him to hang about in and plenty of flowers to gorge himself on. Until we get there, though, he’s your responsibility, little one. I don’t wanna find turds the size of my fist in my cargo bay, dong ma?”
River smiled. “Yes, Captain.”
Mal couldn’t complain about Enkidu. Despite having him on board, they were able to finish the job without any difficulty. He surprisingly didn’t eat much and had no problem using the bucket River had gotten for him to use.
It was actually a good arrangement; once he was shown how to do something, he could do it, like stowing cargo. Good thing, too, since Olympus had moved far out and the trip there was going to take the better part of a week and Inky as they’d all come to call him needed to earn his keep.
No, Mal couldn’t complain.
But Jayne could.
All of River’s free time was gettin’ eat up by that big walking carpet. When she wasn’t on the bridge, she was in the bay talking at the creature like it could understand her any. At meals, she wouldn’t stay for very long before running off to eat with “Enkidu” because he “got lonely.” She’d started sleeping in her old room again, just in case Stinky needed her for something during the night. When she’d announced the new sleeping arrangement, he’d wanted to argue with her, tell her that the best sleep he got in his life was when she was in his bed but for some reason, he kept his mouth shut.
This time he was now spending apart from River made him start to analyze the way their relationship had been going for awhile. Things had been going damn well after they’d gotten over their confusion, she was sleepin’ in his bunk every night and had even moved some of her clothes in so she could get ready there in the morning. He’d wake up and she’d be cuddled close to him, her hand over his heart. Kinda felt nice.
But then she’d started to get cold. They’d play for awhile and then she’d pull back, saying she wasn’t feelin’ too good and she’d better spend the rest of the night in her own bunk. He would’ve said something, but in the morning she’d be fine and kissin’ on him again so he figured he had nothin’ to worry about, that maybe she was just on her monthly but was too shy to say.
Now with Stinky on board, Jayne could see how he and River had been growing apart all this time and he wished he’d spoken up earlier, found out what the hell was wrong so he could fix it, instead of feelin’ jealous of an ape man.
Jayne paused in cleaning his guns and stood up. Maybe it wasn’t too late, yet. He could talk to her now and set this all straight. Maybe have her in his bunk by the end of the night.
All thoughts of a calm talk vanished when he got to the cargo bay.
River was reading out loud to Inky, some book about flowers. That wasn’t the problem. The problem was the usurping creature was twining a strand of his girl’s pretty hair around its dirty finger.
“The hell’s going on here?!” Jayne roared. He clattered down the steps and felt a moment’s satisfaction as they both jumped, startled. “You stop that, right now!”
“I was only reading,” River said, eyes wide.
“I don’t mean you,” Jayne snapped and pointed at Enkidu. “Hands off!”
River’s mouth fell open. “Jayne! Green isn’t your color!”
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?!”
“It means you’re being a jealous fool!”
Jayne glowered down at her. “I ain’t hardly seen you in days and I come in here ta find ya all cuddly with this thing here. If you’re gonna be my girl, then you’re gonna start actin’ like it!”
She looked stunned for a moment but then gathered her calm together. “Maybe I’m not your girl.”
A horrible silence fell over them. At first, Jayne thought he must’ve heard her wrong, but one look at her blank face convinced him she’d really said it. The pain of it was excruciating, but he wasn’t about to give her the satisfaction of seeing how bad she’d hurt him.
“Guess you’re not,” he replied. Before she could respond, he turned and marched back up the stairs and went to his bunk, where he sank onto his bed, head in his hands.
Jayne was dreaming. He had to be.
He was walking down the hall to his bunk but he couldn’t remember waking up and going anyplace. So this had to be a dream.
Halfway there, he heard suspicious noises coming from his room. Anger boiled in his blood when he recognized it for what it was: Sexin’. Someone was sexin’ River in his room.
He popped the door open and went down the ladder, ready to kill whoever it was until he got a good look.
It was him.
Jayne stood there a moment, staring at the scene. It took him another moment to finally get his brain working to recognize that this moment was from the week before last, when River was still sleeping in his bed at night.
River moaned softly, digging her nails into his back.
“You almost there, River girl?” the other Jayne panted.
“Yes,” she breathed. Her eyes fluttered open prettily to gaze adoringly up at him. Jayne watched his other self and frowned. He never noticed how he always had sex with his eyes shut so tight. He was missing the picture River made, her face pink and glowing and the way she was looking at him, like nothing else in the ‘verse mattered to her… it didn’t seem right to miss that.
Jayne’s other self reached between his and River’s bodies and then River was flying apart, calling his name.
“Jayne!”
The Jayne currently having the honor of sexin’ River roared out his own orgasm but only dreaming Jayne caught it as River mewed, “I love you.”
His jaw dropped. Had she said that? He didn’t remember her saying that! Well, this was just a dream right? Maybe she-
The other Jayne slumped onto River and dreaming Jayne could see she looked uncomfortable, but cuddled him just the same. He suddenly felt so much hate for this side of himself, he would’ve pummeled him if it was possible.
“Done wore me out,” the other Jayne mumbled, rolling over onto his side. He rubbed at his chest and smacked his lips.
You stupid bastard, Jayne thought as he saw the hurt in River’s pretty face. She blinked rapidly and bit her lip. Say somethin’.
“You’re gonna hafta wake me up in an hour so’s we can do it again.”
Jayne dropped his face into his palm. No wonder she’d been pulling away from him.
He looked up in time to see River gathering her clothes together. The other Jayne blinked sleepily at her.
“Where you goin’?”
“I’m not feeling well, I think it would be best if I slept in my own room.”
Don’t let her go. Tell her you-
“Okay. I don’t wanna get sick.” And he rolled over and went to sleep.
Jayne ground his teeth together. How could he have said that? He looked at River and saw her eyes filling with tears.
“Aw, Riv,” he breathed. “Don’t-”
Of course she couldn’t hear him and left the room, hand pressed to her mouth.
“You hundan,” Jayne snarled at his sleeping form. “It’s all your fault! You’re the reason we-”
Jayne woke up, alone in bed and stared upwards.
“Lost her.”
That had happened, hadn’t it? It wasn’t just a dream but some weird sleeping memory or something. Jayne sat up and stuffed his feet into his boots. He had to go check on her. A little late, yeah, but better late than never.
Passing through the bay, he saw that Enkidu was awake. The creature was looking at him and seemed to have been waiting on him. Jayne walked a little faster to get to River quicker, not because Inky was giving him the willies or anything.
At River’s door, he paused. The last time he’d been in there, he’d been helping her pick out what clothes to move to his bunk. Then they’d both decided that what she was wearing was no good so he’d helped her take it off and it had been quite some time until she’d put something on again.
Quietly, he slid the door open and peeked inside. She was curled up in a ball, hugging her pillow. Only…
He inched into the room and saw what was wrong with her pillow: It was wearing one of his t-shirts.
Despite all the crap she’d put up with, she missed him?
Jayne left the room silently, for the first time feeling something close to hope.
The next morning, bright and early, they landed on Olympus. It was just as creepifying and silent as they all remembered.
“Okay, Zoe, Jayne, ‘n River you’re comin’ with me,” Mal said. He patted his gun in its holster as if reassuring himself. “The rest of you I want to stay here. Don’t step one foot outside.”
“If it’s so dangerous, I don’t want you taking River,” Simon said, tersely.
“Doc, let’s not start on this,” Mal said. “She’s capable of taking care of herself, so it’s time to cut the apron strings, son.”
“I’ll be fine,” River told her brother. She smiled, trying to clear his cloudy expression. “Besides, I want to say goodbye to Enkidu.”
Kaylee was doing just that at the moment. “Bye, Inky,” she said, sadly and patted one of his massive paws. “Have fun and make lots of fuzzy friends!”
Enkidu nodded at her and then looked to the Captain, who was cupping Inara’s chin wishing her a wordless goodbye.
River slipped her hand into Enkidu’s much larger one. “Ready to go home?”
Enkidu led the way through the forest. They’d been walking for about an hour now and everyone was starting to get a little annoyed.
“When the hell are we gonna know he’s home?” Jayne grumbled. “Isn’t one tree same as the other?” He looked at River, wondering if she was going to start rambling about different species of tree but she was silent. Almost disappointed, he looked down at the ground.
Mal shrugged. “Guess we can just leave him.”
But they all continued to follow, almost like they were compelled to do so.
Suddenly, there was a shout from above and three figures leapt down out of the trees. A woman slammed Mal to the ground and held a knife to his throat, another woman knocked Jayne’s legs out from under him with a shiny shield, and a man slammed Zoe into a tree, winding her.
River ran at the woman holding Jayne but was put down by a kick to the solar plexus.
“What are you doing in my woods?” the lead woman snapped, holding her knife blade tighter against Mal’s throat.
“Let’s not get stabby here,” he said, nervously.
“State your business!”
“We’re just dropping off a passenger!”
The woman looked at the others, frowning. “None of these are my people.”
“The big, fuzzy fella is the one.” Mal paused. “The one without clothes.”
“Hey!” Jayne snapped, clutching his knees in pain.
The woman released Mal and made a signal to the others to do the same. She gave Mal a look. “How do you know of this world?”
“We were here about six months ago with Ditty and Eric Roman,” Mal said, touching his neck, gingerly. Just a little nicked.
The woman smiled. “They are good friends of mine. You can call me Miss Arty.” She nodded to the man and woman. “And that is Tina and my brother, Paul. We were on a hunt when you surprised us. We will take the shaggy creature from you, gladly.”
“So you can hunt him?” Mal asked, darkly.
Miss Arty shook her head, making her golden hair ripple. “No, of course not. Would you perhaps like to-”
“We’d just like to be leavin’,” Mal cut in on whatever invitation she was about to extend. He nodded at Enkidu. “So long, Inky.”
River went to the creature’s side and patted his arm. “Goodbye, Enkidu. It’s been a pleasure knowing you.”
Enkidu nodded and patted her on the arm right back, making her smile.
“Take care,” Mal said over his shoulder, leading his crew away. Once he was sure he was out of earshot, he muttered, “This planet sure as hell better disappear again.”
“Are you all right?” River walked alongside Jayne and gave him a worried look.
He winced as he limped along. “Yeah, ‘m fine. How ‘bout you? That looked like a hard hit.”
She rubbed at her stomach and smiled ruefully. “It was, but I’ll live.”
“You shouldnta gone chargin’ her like that, anyway. That ain’t normally your style.” He frowned at her disapprovingly. “Don’t ever do anything like that again.”
River ducked her head. “I know it was foolish but I wasn’t thinking. I just saw you in danger and I…”
They were quiet a few moments, listening to Mal just ahead griping to Zoe about his injury.
“’m sorry,” Jayne blurted out.
Startled, River looked up at him. “Sorry?”
“Yeah. For lots o’ things. I know I ain’t easy t’ get along with but I never meant to make ya feel bad.” He snapped a branch off of a nearby tree and started peeling the bark off of it. “I know I have.”
“Yes,” she agreed, sadly.
“I didn’t know,” he said, fiddling with the branch all the while. “What you said that time. Or maybe I did but didn’t let myself think about it or some crap.”
“We don’t need to talk about this,” River said, blushing. “It’s over and done.”
Swallowing, Jayne dropped the stick. “What if I don’t want it t’ be over and done?”
She stopped in her tracks, eyes big. “What are you saying?”
What was he saying? Jayne took a deep breath. His ma had always told him that to get what he wanted, he’d have to say something because no one was just going to hand it to him on a silver platter.
“I’m sayin’ that I love ya. If you wanna take an old hundan back and-”
“Yes!” She hugged him around his middle, tightly. “I’ve missed you.”
He hugged her back. “Missed ya more.”
“You did not.”
“I did, too!”
“We both missed each other more.”
“That don’t even make any sense.”
“Well, I am a little mentally unstable.”
Jayne burst out laughing and kissed her on the corner of her mouth. “Can’t argue with that.”
Mal and Zoe had stopped and were waiting for them to catch up. Mal rolled his eyes to see them with their arms wrapped around each other.
“Thought she was supposed to be a genius,” he said to Zoe.
Zoe smiled. “Love don’t make sense too often, sir.”
Mal snorted. “Ain’t that the truth.”
“Enkidu? You’re really simple, you know that?”
One moment the figure in the middle of their circle was a large, shaggy beast, the next he became a familiar, winged blonde man.
“What? It was a great disguise, they never recognized me!”
Miss Arty rolled her eyes. “Does your mother know what you were up to?”
“No.” He suddenly looked nervous. “You’re not going to tell her, are you?”
“Maybe. You brought strangers into my woods and you know that-”
“Awww, come on! I had to put them in danger so they could realize their petty squabbles didn’t matter in the long run. It worked.” He pointed at Tina. “And you got to put that luck on Zoe, I saw you.”
Tina looked embarrassed, lowering her grey-eyed gaze to the ground, shrugging. “I can’t let a good warrior go without giving her some luck. It’s my job.”
“And I was just doing mine,” the youth said, smugly.
The big, blonde man rolled his eyes. “Yes, you’re so clever.”
“Speaking of jobs,” the youth looked pointedly up at the sun, “shouldn’t you be off doing yours?”
“This is my day off! I got someone covering for me.”
“Uh huh.”
They all started to head toward the mountain, still arguing.
“So when do you go check in on them next like some worried mother? I think you should go as a unicorn.”
“Shut up.”
“Or maybe a pixie!”
“Shut up!”
To everyone’s relief, Olympus indeed disappeared off the map. This time, it stayed gone. But before leaving the planet, Jayne made River another daisy chain. This one never wilted and hangs on the wall above their bed to this day.
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Date: 2006-11-24 04:46 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-11-24 08:28 pm (UTC)