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toxic_cornTitle: Double Feature Picture Show
Author: Toxic Corn
Rating: PG-13
Notes: Written for![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
cobb_and_tam's Rayne-y Halloween challenge. Check it out and write some fun Halloween fic! Or angsty if that's your thing.
Disclaimer: Joss's characters. Not mine. Any questions?
Jayne stepped aside as a passel of trick-o-treaters took up the sidewalk. He frowned down at them, wondering what the hell they were doing out so damn early. When he was a kid, his ma would have to practically staple him and Mattie to the floor to keep them from tearing out the second the sun went down. Here, it was still practically broad daylight.
Kids these days. It was probably the over-protective parents on this moon. The over-protective parents who didn’t want a whorehouse in their town, Jayne thought glumly. What the hell was he supposed to do with his night off? Crash a Halloween party? That’d go over well. Wonder how much candy he could walk away with before he got shown the door?
He was so caught up in his own musings he almost missed the familiar wisp of a girl just across the street. River Tam was standing in front of a movie house. Just standin’ there, not in a line or anything, but just staring up at it like a big weirdo.
Better go see what she’s up to.
Jayne crossed the road and came up beside her just as a group of kids that looked her own age approached the movie house. They were laughing and shoving one another, one of the boys making crappy ghost noises that made the girls shriek and hit at him. He opened his mouth to make some comment but changed his mind when he saw her chewing her lip and watching those kids with longing.
A genius like her probably didn’t get to interact much with kids her own age. Probably never gone trick-or-treating before, either. He was surprised at how close to giving a shit he was just thinking about the poor little moonbrain all by herself.
“Didja wanna see a movie?” Jayne finally asked.
River blinked herself out of her daze and looked up at him. “You’ll have to pin me first.”
Jayne’s eyes nearly popped out of his head. “What?!”
She realized how he’d interpreted her words and quickly said, “It was an old tradition from Earth-That-Was! Before boys could go on a date with a girl, they had to give her a pin to wear on her sweater. It was a sign of…” She trailed off when he stared at her blankly. “Never mind. It was supposed to be a joke.”
“Yeah, it was a real gut-buster,” Jayne mumbled. “I don’t got no pin but I got some coin, so if ya wanna see a movie, come on.” He stepped up to the box office and stood in line just behind the group of teenagers. After a few minutes, River came to stand by his elbow and he smirked a little to himself.
“Which movie are we going to see?” she asked, eying the posters dubiously.
“Well, it looks like they’re havin’ a double creature feature.” She returned his earlier blank look and he rolled his eyes. “Means we get to see two movies about some kinda monster eatin’ people.”
“Oh.” River pointed at one of the posters, a buxom blonde whose face was contorted in horror as she was embraced by a dripping green thing. “Does the monster always eat nubile females?”
“Usually,” Jayne said. “Mostly when they’re about to get sexed.”
River nodded. “I see. Not so subtle themes against pre-marital sex meant to prevent teen pregnancy and the spread of sexually transmitted diseases.”
“Or maybe people like lookin’ at blood ‘n boobs,” Jayne said.
At the ticket booth, Jayne bought two tickets and found himself opening the door for the girl before he realized what he was doing. What the hell, why was he acting like this was a date?
“You want somethin’ ta eat?” Jayne asked. “Popcorn? Ya gotta have popcorn when ya go to the movies.”
“Do they throw you out if you don’t?” River asked, looking worried. “I don’t really care for popcorn.”
“You don’t-“ Jayne stared at her. “Haven’t you ever been to the movies before??”
“No. My parents thought it was vulgar entertainment. They took Simon and me to plays and operas.”
“Vulgar ent- Well, that tears it. We’re watchin’ this movie and you’re eatin’ popcorn and yer gonna like it!” Jayne grabbed her arm and tugged her over to the lines at the concession stand. “That’s a goddamn disgrace, not takin’ yer kids to the movies. It’s something everybody does, like climb a tree or-“ He spotted the look on River’s face. “You’ve never climbed a tree?!”
She shook her head.
“Gorramn. Fine. Next woody planet we stop on, I’m takin’ ya tree climbin’. I ain’t done it in years but it’s somethin’ you don’t forget, like ridin’ a bike.” He narrowed his eyes at her. “You’ve ridden a bike, right?”
“Yes,” River said, rolling her eyes.
“Okay.” Jayne relaxed.
A few minutes later, they found a pair of seats in the middle of the theater, while juggling a jumbo tub of popcorn and two cups of sticky cola drinks.
“Here,” Jayne said, handing her the tub. “You hold it.”
River wrinkled her nose. “I don’t like popcorn,” she reminded him.
“If you ain’t ever been to the movies, how the hell do you know you don’t like popcorn?” he demanded.
“Well, my mother always had our home professionally decorated around Christmas time and one year, the decorator strung a line of popcorn and put it on the tree.” She shrugged. “I got curious because I’d never seen popcorn before and wanted to taste it. It was bland and disgusting.”
Jayne shook the tub in her lap. “You see that? That’s butter ‘n salt. This stuff’s got taste and it ain’t some nasty decorating popcorn. Try it.”
Frowning, River took a single piece and popped it into her mouth, chewing thoughtfully.
“Well?” Jayne prompted her.
She swallowed and offered, “It isn’t entirely displeasing.”
Jayne settled back into his seat. “Well, shut up and eat some then.”
The lights dimmed and the trailers for coming attractions rolled. Jayne didn’t pay much attention to them and preferred to glance over at River. Between commercials, she looked around the room, all curious and excited over her first trip to the movies. She looked up at the projection booth a lot, whispering to herself. It was almost cute in a really bizarre kind of way.
Then the movie started and the lights went out entirely.
On screen, a group of teens were trekking through the forest. There was a lot of yakking and character development that Jayne didn’t care much about but then a boy and girl cut themselves off from the group and wandered away, kissing and giggling. Jayne grinned in expectation.
To his satisfaction, the creature didn’t leap out to kill them until after the boy had managed to get the girl’s top off. People in the theater screamed but River turned to him and said, “That stage blood is entirely inconsistent with what real blood-“
“SHHH!”
She ducked her head and continued to watch the movie through the strands of her hair. Jayne turned and glared at the asshole behind them who’d shushed her. It weren’t like she was talkin’ over anything important, just the monster rippin’ out the boy’s spine and usin’ it to pick its teeth clean.
The movie continued on with the young people on screen getting worried about their missing friends. They all got picked off one by one as they stupidly split up to search. Yeah, don’t bother to call some Alliance federals who’d be sure to worry about some Core-bred kids with parents who’d donate money for fifty new buildings if their lost child was found.
Now all who was left was the “buxom blonde” from the poster. She was sniveling and running along, tripping over her untied boot laces. Suddenly, the monster leapt down from the trees and the girl screamed, passing out cold.
Now it was getting interesting.
The next scene, they got to see that the monster had been falling in love with the girl the whole time. He had her tied to the table in his lair and had an array of torturous looking items on a tray.
“Please don’t hurt me,” the girl blubbered. “I don’t want to die!”
Jayne snorted at the girl’s pitiful acting and wondered what the monster was going to do to her. Curious over River’s reaction to this development, he glanced over at her.
He was shocked to see her covering her eyes, shaking.
“River?” he whispered. “You okay?”
“SHHH!”
Jayne spun on the guy behind them and pointed at the screen. “LOOK, you ain’t missin’ any important plot points here, okay?! So SHUT IT!”
“I’m telling the manager,” the guy said, snippily.
“Don’t bother,” Jayne growled. “We’re leavin’.” He grabbed River’s wrist and pulled her out of the room as the girl on screen started screaming in earnest. Gorramn it. He’d missed whatever the monster did.
Outside, he released River and she sank down to the sidewalk, wrapping her arms around her knees as she shook.
“Didn’t peg you for the type to get scared at fake horror movies,” Jayne said, lamely.
River shook a little longer and whispered. “He had her strapped down. Nowhere to go. Completely at his mercy.” She whimpered a little. “She screams and begs and still he won’t relent. Nothing calls him from the task at hand.”
Suddenly, Jayne remembered what they did to her at the Academy and wanted to kick himself. He sank down next to her and awkwardly started rubbing circles on her back.
“I shouldn’ta taken you to see that. ‘M sorry.”
She looked up at him and smiled through her tears. “No harm was intended and no real harm occurred. I just got a little frightened is all.” Her smile faded. “I’ve made you miss your movie, though. Both of them.”
“Awww, it’s okay.” Jayne shrugged, knowing he should be angry with her and confused over why he wasn’t. “They weren’t new movies, just the same old dogs they trot out around Halloween to make an easy buck.”
A few minutes passed and her shaking finally stopped.
“I guess Halloween is over,” River said and sighed. “We should probably go back to the ship.”
“Hell no,” Jayne said. “It ain’t even eight yet. We should do what I was thinkin’ of earlier and go crash a party.”
“Crash a party?” she frowned. “But we haven’t been invited-“
“That’s why we crash one.” He playfully knocked on her forehead. “Thought you were supposed to be a genius.”
She giggled and swatted at his hand. “Where do we know they’re having a party?”
“Churches usually have ‘em for their littluns who can’t go trick-or-treating just yet. It’s safe and well-lit and there’s lotsa grown-ups standin’ about. We can just duck in and get some free candy before we find a party that’s really hoppin.”
“Trick-or-treating?” She had that yearning look on her face again and he groaned.
“You’ve never been trick-or-treating?!” Jayne stood up and pulled her along with him. “Come on. Let’s find ya somethin’ weird to wear and let’s go.”
“Go where?” River exclaimed as he pulled her excitedly down the street.
“Trick-or-treatin’!” Jayne said. “It’s fun. I can give ya one of my hats ta wear. My cowboy hat! ‘N maybe Kaylee could give ya somethin’ that looks cow-pokey enough…”
“I thought we were going to a party!” River said, trying to keep up with his pace.
“We can do both! Why, are ya gonna turn into a pumpkin when it gets t’ be midnight?”
River giggled. “No, I’m just worried about what time the ghosts come out.”
“Ghosts! That reminds me, we gotta find a haunted house. Folks always set them up this time o’ year and they’re usually worth checkin’ out.”
“There are real hauntings?” River asked doubtfully.
“Well, no, they ain’t real, but that’s the point. It’s just fun t’ pretend. Look, you’ll see. Hurry it up, I don’t wanna miss anything cuz you’re too damn slow!”
River rolled her eyes but found herself getting swept up in Jayne’s enthusiasm. This was going to be the best Halloween ever.
The End
This won first runner-up! *snoopy dances*
Author: Toxic Corn
Rating: PG-13
Notes: Written for
cobb_and_tam's Rayne-y Halloween challenge. Check it out and write some fun Halloween fic! Or angsty if that's your thing. Disclaimer: Joss's characters. Not mine. Any questions?
Jayne stepped aside as a passel of trick-o-treaters took up the sidewalk. He frowned down at them, wondering what the hell they were doing out so damn early. When he was a kid, his ma would have to practically staple him and Mattie to the floor to keep them from tearing out the second the sun went down. Here, it was still practically broad daylight.
Kids these days. It was probably the over-protective parents on this moon. The over-protective parents who didn’t want a whorehouse in their town, Jayne thought glumly. What the hell was he supposed to do with his night off? Crash a Halloween party? That’d go over well. Wonder how much candy he could walk away with before he got shown the door?
He was so caught up in his own musings he almost missed the familiar wisp of a girl just across the street. River Tam was standing in front of a movie house. Just standin’ there, not in a line or anything, but just staring up at it like a big weirdo.
Better go see what she’s up to.
Jayne crossed the road and came up beside her just as a group of kids that looked her own age approached the movie house. They were laughing and shoving one another, one of the boys making crappy ghost noises that made the girls shriek and hit at him. He opened his mouth to make some comment but changed his mind when he saw her chewing her lip and watching those kids with longing.
A genius like her probably didn’t get to interact much with kids her own age. Probably never gone trick-or-treating before, either. He was surprised at how close to giving a shit he was just thinking about the poor little moonbrain all by herself.
“Didja wanna see a movie?” Jayne finally asked.
River blinked herself out of her daze and looked up at him. “You’ll have to pin me first.”
Jayne’s eyes nearly popped out of his head. “What?!”
She realized how he’d interpreted her words and quickly said, “It was an old tradition from Earth-That-Was! Before boys could go on a date with a girl, they had to give her a pin to wear on her sweater. It was a sign of…” She trailed off when he stared at her blankly. “Never mind. It was supposed to be a joke.”
“Yeah, it was a real gut-buster,” Jayne mumbled. “I don’t got no pin but I got some coin, so if ya wanna see a movie, come on.” He stepped up to the box office and stood in line just behind the group of teenagers. After a few minutes, River came to stand by his elbow and he smirked a little to himself.
“Which movie are we going to see?” she asked, eying the posters dubiously.
“Well, it looks like they’re havin’ a double creature feature.” She returned his earlier blank look and he rolled his eyes. “Means we get to see two movies about some kinda monster eatin’ people.”
“Oh.” River pointed at one of the posters, a buxom blonde whose face was contorted in horror as she was embraced by a dripping green thing. “Does the monster always eat nubile females?”
“Usually,” Jayne said. “Mostly when they’re about to get sexed.”
River nodded. “I see. Not so subtle themes against pre-marital sex meant to prevent teen pregnancy and the spread of sexually transmitted diseases.”
“Or maybe people like lookin’ at blood ‘n boobs,” Jayne said.
At the ticket booth, Jayne bought two tickets and found himself opening the door for the girl before he realized what he was doing. What the hell, why was he acting like this was a date?
“You want somethin’ ta eat?” Jayne asked. “Popcorn? Ya gotta have popcorn when ya go to the movies.”
“Do they throw you out if you don’t?” River asked, looking worried. “I don’t really care for popcorn.”
“You don’t-“ Jayne stared at her. “Haven’t you ever been to the movies before??”
“No. My parents thought it was vulgar entertainment. They took Simon and me to plays and operas.”
“Vulgar ent- Well, that tears it. We’re watchin’ this movie and you’re eatin’ popcorn and yer gonna like it!” Jayne grabbed her arm and tugged her over to the lines at the concession stand. “That’s a goddamn disgrace, not takin’ yer kids to the movies. It’s something everybody does, like climb a tree or-“ He spotted the look on River’s face. “You’ve never climbed a tree?!”
She shook her head.
“Gorramn. Fine. Next woody planet we stop on, I’m takin’ ya tree climbin’. I ain’t done it in years but it’s somethin’ you don’t forget, like ridin’ a bike.” He narrowed his eyes at her. “You’ve ridden a bike, right?”
“Yes,” River said, rolling her eyes.
“Okay.” Jayne relaxed.
A few minutes later, they found a pair of seats in the middle of the theater, while juggling a jumbo tub of popcorn and two cups of sticky cola drinks.
“Here,” Jayne said, handing her the tub. “You hold it.”
River wrinkled her nose. “I don’t like popcorn,” she reminded him.
“If you ain’t ever been to the movies, how the hell do you know you don’t like popcorn?” he demanded.
“Well, my mother always had our home professionally decorated around Christmas time and one year, the decorator strung a line of popcorn and put it on the tree.” She shrugged. “I got curious because I’d never seen popcorn before and wanted to taste it. It was bland and disgusting.”
Jayne shook the tub in her lap. “You see that? That’s butter ‘n salt. This stuff’s got taste and it ain’t some nasty decorating popcorn. Try it.”
Frowning, River took a single piece and popped it into her mouth, chewing thoughtfully.
“Well?” Jayne prompted her.
She swallowed and offered, “It isn’t entirely displeasing.”
Jayne settled back into his seat. “Well, shut up and eat some then.”
The lights dimmed and the trailers for coming attractions rolled. Jayne didn’t pay much attention to them and preferred to glance over at River. Between commercials, she looked around the room, all curious and excited over her first trip to the movies. She looked up at the projection booth a lot, whispering to herself. It was almost cute in a really bizarre kind of way.
Then the movie started and the lights went out entirely.
On screen, a group of teens were trekking through the forest. There was a lot of yakking and character development that Jayne didn’t care much about but then a boy and girl cut themselves off from the group and wandered away, kissing and giggling. Jayne grinned in expectation.
To his satisfaction, the creature didn’t leap out to kill them until after the boy had managed to get the girl’s top off. People in the theater screamed but River turned to him and said, “That stage blood is entirely inconsistent with what real blood-“
“SHHH!”
She ducked her head and continued to watch the movie through the strands of her hair. Jayne turned and glared at the asshole behind them who’d shushed her. It weren’t like she was talkin’ over anything important, just the monster rippin’ out the boy’s spine and usin’ it to pick its teeth clean.
The movie continued on with the young people on screen getting worried about their missing friends. They all got picked off one by one as they stupidly split up to search. Yeah, don’t bother to call some Alliance federals who’d be sure to worry about some Core-bred kids with parents who’d donate money for fifty new buildings if their lost child was found.
Now all who was left was the “buxom blonde” from the poster. She was sniveling and running along, tripping over her untied boot laces. Suddenly, the monster leapt down from the trees and the girl screamed, passing out cold.
Now it was getting interesting.
The next scene, they got to see that the monster had been falling in love with the girl the whole time. He had her tied to the table in his lair and had an array of torturous looking items on a tray.
“Please don’t hurt me,” the girl blubbered. “I don’t want to die!”
Jayne snorted at the girl’s pitiful acting and wondered what the monster was going to do to her. Curious over River’s reaction to this development, he glanced over at her.
He was shocked to see her covering her eyes, shaking.
“River?” he whispered. “You okay?”
“SHHH!”
Jayne spun on the guy behind them and pointed at the screen. “LOOK, you ain’t missin’ any important plot points here, okay?! So SHUT IT!”
“I’m telling the manager,” the guy said, snippily.
“Don’t bother,” Jayne growled. “We’re leavin’.” He grabbed River’s wrist and pulled her out of the room as the girl on screen started screaming in earnest. Gorramn it. He’d missed whatever the monster did.
Outside, he released River and she sank down to the sidewalk, wrapping her arms around her knees as she shook.
“Didn’t peg you for the type to get scared at fake horror movies,” Jayne said, lamely.
River shook a little longer and whispered. “He had her strapped down. Nowhere to go. Completely at his mercy.” She whimpered a little. “She screams and begs and still he won’t relent. Nothing calls him from the task at hand.”
Suddenly, Jayne remembered what they did to her at the Academy and wanted to kick himself. He sank down next to her and awkwardly started rubbing circles on her back.
“I shouldn’ta taken you to see that. ‘M sorry.”
She looked up at him and smiled through her tears. “No harm was intended and no real harm occurred. I just got a little frightened is all.” Her smile faded. “I’ve made you miss your movie, though. Both of them.”
“Awww, it’s okay.” Jayne shrugged, knowing he should be angry with her and confused over why he wasn’t. “They weren’t new movies, just the same old dogs they trot out around Halloween to make an easy buck.”
A few minutes passed and her shaking finally stopped.
“I guess Halloween is over,” River said and sighed. “We should probably go back to the ship.”
“Hell no,” Jayne said. “It ain’t even eight yet. We should do what I was thinkin’ of earlier and go crash a party.”
“Crash a party?” she frowned. “But we haven’t been invited-“
“That’s why we crash one.” He playfully knocked on her forehead. “Thought you were supposed to be a genius.”
She giggled and swatted at his hand. “Where do we know they’re having a party?”
“Churches usually have ‘em for their littluns who can’t go trick-or-treating just yet. It’s safe and well-lit and there’s lotsa grown-ups standin’ about. We can just duck in and get some free candy before we find a party that’s really hoppin.”
“Trick-or-treating?” She had that yearning look on her face again and he groaned.
“You’ve never been trick-or-treating?!” Jayne stood up and pulled her along with him. “Come on. Let’s find ya somethin’ weird to wear and let’s go.”
“Go where?” River exclaimed as he pulled her excitedly down the street.
“Trick-or-treatin’!” Jayne said. “It’s fun. I can give ya one of my hats ta wear. My cowboy hat! ‘N maybe Kaylee could give ya somethin’ that looks cow-pokey enough…”
“I thought we were going to a party!” River said, trying to keep up with his pace.
“We can do both! Why, are ya gonna turn into a pumpkin when it gets t’ be midnight?”
River giggled. “No, I’m just worried about what time the ghosts come out.”
“Ghosts! That reminds me, we gotta find a haunted house. Folks always set them up this time o’ year and they’re usually worth checkin’ out.”
“There are real hauntings?” River asked doubtfully.
“Well, no, they ain’t real, but that’s the point. It’s just fun t’ pretend. Look, you’ll see. Hurry it up, I don’t wanna miss anything cuz you’re too damn slow!”
River rolled her eyes but found herself getting swept up in Jayne’s enthusiasm. This was going to be the best Halloween ever.
This won first runner-up! *snoopy dances*
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Date: 2006-10-16 12:05 am (UTC)no subject
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Date: 2006-10-16 05:27 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-10-17 04:26 pm (UTC)My favorite Halloween movies (I try to watch them every every birthday) are Young Frankenstein, Hocus Pocus, and Rocky Horror Picture Show.
Tragically, I own only one of the aforementioned movies. Clearly I must get on the ball.
Also, I must get me one of them who turns around and fights with the jerk in the row behind me. Because I am all-too eager to accept responsibility when I'm pissing off a stranger. Jayne's the smart one. "You ain't missin' nothin' here, jerkwad!"
(Also, I was rereading the script for "The Train Job" and I just got so happy at all the times Joss and Tim used language that would not be allowed on non-cable television in the stage cues and directions. It made me love them all the more.)
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Date: 2006-10-17 05:47 pm (UTC)(I love all the cussy stage directions. It made me love them, too. Well, Joss. I'm still on the fence about Tim Minear.)