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toxic_cornSeries: Songs from a Firefly
Title: Track Five - Perfect
Author: Toxic Corn
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Joss is Boss but I own the kids.
Summary: Jamey's feathers get ruffled.
Author's Note: Here's some teenage angst to make everyone uncomfortable. :P Previous parts can be found here. Lyrics to the song can be found here.
Songs From a Firefly
Perfect
Jamey is 13, Nettie is 9
Not for the first time that day, Jamey envied Nettie. While he was tromping through the woods, gun in hands, she was sleeping peacefully back at Gramma Cobb’s house. Sure, she bitched about having to perform for everybody once she woke up but at least Nettie liked singing and she at least wasn’t going to be doing any of it at this hour.
Why the hell was hunting again?
“I think I hear somethin’ up ahead, Jayne!” Vee breathed excitedly.
Oh, yeah. That’s why. Jamey scowled and just barely stopped himself from grumbling.
For the past year, Pop had been taking Vee Washburne out shooting. It made sense, Pop was the one person on board Serenity who knew everything there was to know about guns (okay, except maybe for Ma but Pop was actually interested in them) and Vee thought they were just about the best damn thing ever invented. ‘Cept maybe for iced planets.
At first, this arrangement hadn’t bothered him. What did he care for guns? Just a handful of boom that caused too much trouble anyhow. Give him a toolbox and an engine any day.
But then Pop started talking about bringing Vee along on the Cobb deer hunt and he couldn’t help but feel like his place was being usurped. So here he was at the ass crack of dawn, freezing and just about bored to death. He’d gladly go through this rather than not feel good enough for his father.
“Just ahead, that’s right,” Pop whispered. “See it, Jamey?” He pointed.
Jamey squinted. All he saw was trees and shrubs. Every muscle in Pop’s body was singing in anticipation and excitement, though. Can’t disappoint. He tried to muster up a little more enthusiasm.
“There, son. See it?”
Oh, okay. The deer just about blended in with its surroundings but he could see now that it was… relieving itself.
How the hell was he supposed to kill a creature when it was pinching a loaf? He pictured a deer mercenary kicking open a door and catching Jamey unawares, hitting the head. Just wasn’t a dignified way to leave this world.
“Yeah, I see it.” Jamey tried to keep the disgust out of his tone.
From next to him, he heard Vee lift her rifle. Pop reached over and gripped the barrel, making her lower the weapon. “Let’s let Jamey get this one, Vee. This is his first time back.”
“Awwww.” But Vee didn’t push and settled on giving Jamey her patented dirty look.
“Kay, Jamey. Once it comes out from behind that tree, fire!” Pop grinned and clapped Jamey on the shoulder. “You can do it, boy.”
No pressure or anything.
Taking a deep breath, Jamey lifted the rifle and sighted the deer. It was just finishing its business and started to come out from behind the tree. Then for some inexplicable reason it paused and looked in his direction.
The last time Jamey had gone hunting, he had been eight years old. He hadn’t shot anything but he liked being out in the woods with Pop and Grandpa, and Uncle Mattie, and even Mattie’s boy Andy who was kind of a creep. It was all about the “male bonding” as Ma said. Something about being out in nature brought out the primal side.
But then that had been the year of Spots and Jamey never went hunting again. It helped that the move to Haven took away the option. Pop had to go and start talking about the hunt again and bringing Vee, Viola Washburne who wasn’t even a Cobb, on this primal male bonding ritual.
The deer continued to stare at him, unblinking.
Aw, he couldn’t do this. He shifted his gun to the right of the creature and fired.
And promptly had a heart attack when the deer dropped to the ground
Pop whooped and slapped him on the back. “Yer aim’s improved, boy!”
“Nice one, Jamey,” Vee said grudgingly.
Figured he’d h it something when he wasn’t even aiming for it. Gorrammit, someone in the ‘verse had it in for him. Feeling sick, Jamey followed Pop over to the fallen animal.
It was still alive and in great pain as it pawed at the earth and panted.
The grin on Pop’s face fell. “Jamey, you-”
Can’t do anything right. Screwed up. Aren’t a man.
Have to finish it off.
Dizzily, Jamey dropped to his knees beside the deer. His proximity made the animal panic more and he placed a soothing hand on its satiny soft nose. Tears pricked at his eyes and he glanced at its flanks, checking for spots, but his vision was too blurry to really see.
“Pistol.” Jamey held his hand up and didn’t look as Pop placed one in his hand.
“I’m sorry.” He put the barrel to the deer’s head, squeezing his eyes shut tight.
And pulled the trigger.
He’d been eight when he and Nettie found the frightened little deer with the broken leg. It had panicked at the sight of the children and had tried to run away, crying. The sight had damn near broken his heart.
So he’d left the unthreatening Nettie with the deer and ran and got Ma. She brought an old blanket with her and they’d used it as a stretcher to get the deer home. It had gone docile with Nettie singing to it and scratching behind its ears.
When they’d got it home, Ma set up a little sick room for it in the gardening shed and then set its leg. That was when she saw it was a boy and they named him Spots for the little flecks of white on his flanks.
Every day, they took turns giving Spots his bottle. They’d take him for walks around the garden, pulling him along in a wagon. He had this way of nuzzling their palms that tickled and he always seemed to nod along to whatever song they were singing at the time.
Eventually Spots’ leg had healed and Ma had a serious talk with them about how it wasn’t right to keep wild animals away from their rightful homes. It had been rough and they’d shed more than a few tears, yelled, and tried to bargain with her before agreeing with her.
Still, it hurt like a son of a bitch when Ma had fired a gun into the air and the startled, betrayed Spots fled into the woods, never to be seen again.
All of that pain came back as Jamey rose to his feet and stared at the mess he’d made of an innocent life.
“James-” Pop laid a hand on his shoulder.
“Save it,” Jamey muttered, shaking him off.
“Jamey, it’s-”
Couldn’t he just leave him alone for two seconds?! His rage nearly choked him as he spun to face his father. He barely noticed the usually unflappable Vee take a step back.
“Yeah, I screwed up. I’m not man enough for your little sport, okay? I shouldn’t even have come, right? I’m out of place on this god forsaken rock, I now it!” Jamey handed Pop the pistol. “It all works out in the end, doesn’t it? When Jamey fails you, you already got someone prepped to take my place.” He nodded at Vee and she gasped. The sound made him grind his teeth but it didn’t stop him. “Since you’re gettin’ on so well with my father, do you mind if we just trade? Maybe Wash wouldn’t mind a gutless son.”
Pop’s eyes bulged. “Jamey!”
Jamey turned and fled.
~*~
River couldn’t sleep. She missed Jayne; his mass was warm and comforting and kept the bad dreams away. So she got up and went to the kitchen expecting to find Ma Cobb but found Nettie instead.
Nettie looked up from the hot chocolate she was pouring and smiled brightly. “Morning.”
“Good morning.” River smiled back. “You’re just in time.”
“Oh!” Nettie looked from the cups to River and blushed. “This isn’t for you, it’s for-”
“I know. He’ll be in the back yard in one minute and thirty-five seconds.”
“Okay.” By the time she had the mugs in her hands, River had opened the door for her. “Thanks, Mommy.”
River patted her daughter on the head as she passed. “Good luck.”
~*~
All he wanted to do was have a minute by himself out by the shed where he could cry all he damn well pleased and maybe upchuck. Then he could figure out what he was going to say when he saw Vee and Pop again.
So of course he met Nettie out in the yard.
“Morning, Jamey! Where’s Daddy and Vee?”
“Not here,” he muttered and brushed by her, slightly knocking her smaller frame. Pop was always snapping at him to stop doing that since he was so much bigger than she was. Well, Nettie was tough. Unlike Jamey.
“Hey, watch it! I got hot chocolate here and I nearly scalded myself!” Nettie glared at him. “One of these is for you, ingrate.”
Joy, more guilt. He accepted his cup with a muttered thanks and took a sip, promptly burning his tongue. Karma.
“So why are you back before everybody else? Did the hunting go bad?”
Jamey couldn’t face her and he didn’t quite trust himself to speak quite yet.
“Jamey?” Aw hell, why did her voice have to sound so soft? It would be easier to ignore her and go hide if she was being bratty.
“Do you remember Spots?”
~*~
Jayne and Vee were quiet all the way to the house. Jayne knew he should be comforting the girl but she weren’t the only one who got her feelings hurt today.
How long had his son been feeling like he didn’t love him enough? He was afraid to even think about it.
“Want some breakfast?” Jayne asked, gruffly. “Ma ain’t up yet ‘n Pa, Mattie, ‘n Andy will be busy with that deer for awhile, but I can make ya somethin’.”
“No.” Vee shook her head. “I’m jus’ gonna go back to bed. Sleepy.”
Jayne squeezed her shoulder as they approached the house and the girl sighed. “I shouldn’t’ve come.”
“Naw, I invited ya, it’s-”
“Jayne. Don’t.” Vee walked ahead and called back, “Maybe we should do this again another time.”
Dammit, he hated when things got all awkward. He rubbed the back of his neck and followed Vee into the house. What he needed was some coffee. Figure out what he was going to say when he saw Jamey again.
His bad mood lifted slightly when he found his wife in the kitchen with an already brewed pot of coffee.
“Babydoll, you’re an angel,” he said gratefully. But she wasn’t paying attention, instead standing at the open window, eyes glazed over.
“Riv?” Concerned, he forgot all about coffee.
“Spots was their deer,” she whispered.
“Huh?”
“Shhhh.”
He joined her at the window and the sounds of their children’s voices carried over to them perfectly.
~*~
“You shot Spots?!”
“No! I don’t know! I just…” Jamey covered his eyes with his arm and gritted out, “It coulda been! Or his son or brother or cousin or…”
Nettie frowned. “Jamey, why’d you even go hunting in the first place? That’s not you.”
“But it’s supposed to be.”
“Huh?”
“It’s what he expects.”
“Who?”
“Pop, that’s who!”
For the life of her, Nettie couldn’t figure out what he was talking about. “What?”
Jamey dropped his arm and she could see the tears filling his eyes. It sort of frightened her; Jamey didn’t cry often and only when he hurt himself. But even then, he’d shake it off fast. These tears looked like they were in for the long haul.
“I look exactly like Pop, right?”
“Mm, kinda. Your eyes are brown, though.”
He rolled said brown eyes. “Yeah, but other than that.”
“Other than that,” she agreed. “Sure.”
“And I sound like him.”
“Yeah. But Mommy says it’s just a… affection?”
“An affectation. She’s right.”
“I don’t get it.” But she was trying to, honestly.
Jamey’s tears spilled. “I don’t think I do, either. He makes me feel like I’m not a Cobb, like I don’t belong. Like… like maybe if I was more like him…”
“If you had more in common he’d love you more?” Nettie guessed.
“Yeah! Well, no. I mean, I know he loves me but I disappoint him.” Jamey kicked at the dirt.
Nettie gasped. “That’s not true!”
“Then why did he invite Vee to the Cobb family hunt?!”
Oh for- Is that what this was about? Nettie had half a mind to kick her brother’s sorry ass from here to their old place, a good five miles.
“Not everything is about you, Jamey,” Nettie snapped. “Daddy invited Vee cuz she’s part of our Serenity family and she likes shootin’. That’s all. It wasn’t meant to show you up.”
His dumbfounded expression would’ve made her laugh if it hadn’t been so pathetic. “But- but I don’t-”
Nettie rolled her eyes. “Know what I think? I think all this Cobb go se is all in your own head. Cuz it sure ain’t comin’ from Daddy.” She turned to go inside but stopped. “You’re only half Cobb anyway. Keep in mind we’re Tams, too. Cobb Tams. We’re s’posed to be different. You don’t want to be exactly like Andy do you?”
Smirking, she went on ahead inside. That should give him something to chew on for awhile.
~*~
Jayne and River flew to the table just before Nettie had the door open. He tried to look as if he’d been sitting there drinking his coffee and not eavesdropping, but Nettie didn’t look too fooled as she passed through the room. Gorram girl was gettin’ to be just as smart as her ma.
After a few minutes, Jamey came in the door. The boy was blushing uncontrollably and Jayne’s heart went out to him.
Discreetly, River rose from her place. “I think I’ll go check on Nettie.” She brushed a kiss over Jayne’s brow and left the father and son alone.
There was a long silence.
“I’m, uh, I’m really sorry ‘bout what happened out there,” Jamey said, shakily. He pulled off his knit cap and started worrying it between his hands. “I got stupid and said some stuff that was outta line. ‘M sorry.” He raised his eyes to Jayne’s and the merc had a strong urge to pull the boy into his lap and hug him tight.
“You uh, you said out there that you wasn’t man enough.” Jayne struggled to find the right words. This needed to be said and he couldn’t afford to mess it up. “That ain’t true. You’ve proven lots of times that you’re a helluva man.”
Jamey dropped into River’s empty chair, lowering his head in shame. “Ma once said that a man is supposed to love his family ‘n honor ‘em ‘n do everything he can do to protect ‘em. I didn’t do such a good job with that today.”
“Well, you got a ways to go,” Jayne admitted. “But you’re tryin’. It’s just-” He got out of his chair and knelt by Jamey’s side. “You got a fight goin’ on in here,” he tapped Jamey’s chest over the heart, “between the boy you’ve been and the man you’re gonna be. It’s a real ripsnorter and it’s gonna take some time before the man wins.”
Jamey looked at him and smiled. “That was almost poetical, Pop.”
Jayne cleared his throat. “Well, don’t go tellin’ no one. Don’t want anyone thinkin’ that uncle o’ yers been an influence on me.”
“Hasn’t he?” Jamey asked innocently.
Mock growling, Jayne tugged the boy out of his chair into a rough hug, mussing his curls. “Smartass,” he said but grinned at Jamey’s laughter.
They calmed and Jayne rested his chin on Jamey’s head. “So, we okay here?”
“Yeah,” the boy said softly.
“Okay.” Jayne released him and got to his feet, knees popping painfully. “What say we get breakfast goin’ and surprise your grandma?”
Jamey grinned. “Sure.”
A sudden thought made Jayne’s eyes narrow. “One more thing. Go ‘pologize to Vee right now. She comes off as a hardass but you made her feel bad today.”
Jamey nodded, looking guilty again. “Okay.”
Nettie’s head popped around the doorframe, surprising them both. “And he pushed me again! Are you gonna punish him?!”
END
***********
Another note: While I don't personally endorse the sport of hunting, I don't think the people who do it are morally reprehensible human beings. Except maybe for the people who hang out of helicopters and shoot down at caribou.
Track Four < Tell Me What You See : Track Six > Notorious
Title: Track Five - Perfect
Author: Toxic Corn
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Joss is Boss but I own the kids.
Summary: Jamey's feathers get ruffled.
Author's Note: Here's some teenage angst to make everyone uncomfortable. :P Previous parts can be found here. Lyrics to the song can be found here.
Songs From a Firefly
Perfect
Jamey is 13, Nettie is 9
Not for the first time that day, Jamey envied Nettie. While he was tromping through the woods, gun in hands, she was sleeping peacefully back at Gramma Cobb’s house. Sure, she bitched about having to perform for everybody once she woke up but at least Nettie liked singing and she at least wasn’t going to be doing any of it at this hour.
Why the hell was hunting again?
“I think I hear somethin’ up ahead, Jayne!” Vee breathed excitedly.
Oh, yeah. That’s why. Jamey scowled and just barely stopped himself from grumbling.
For the past year, Pop had been taking Vee Washburne out shooting. It made sense, Pop was the one person on board Serenity who knew everything there was to know about guns (okay, except maybe for Ma but Pop was actually interested in them) and Vee thought they were just about the best damn thing ever invented. ‘Cept maybe for iced planets.
At first, this arrangement hadn’t bothered him. What did he care for guns? Just a handful of boom that caused too much trouble anyhow. Give him a toolbox and an engine any day.
But then Pop started talking about bringing Vee along on the Cobb deer hunt and he couldn’t help but feel like his place was being usurped. So here he was at the ass crack of dawn, freezing and just about bored to death. He’d gladly go through this rather than not feel good enough for his father.
“Just ahead, that’s right,” Pop whispered. “See it, Jamey?” He pointed.
Jamey squinted. All he saw was trees and shrubs. Every muscle in Pop’s body was singing in anticipation and excitement, though. Can’t disappoint. He tried to muster up a little more enthusiasm.
“There, son. See it?”
Oh, okay. The deer just about blended in with its surroundings but he could see now that it was… relieving itself.
How the hell was he supposed to kill a creature when it was pinching a loaf? He pictured a deer mercenary kicking open a door and catching Jamey unawares, hitting the head. Just wasn’t a dignified way to leave this world.
“Yeah, I see it.” Jamey tried to keep the disgust out of his tone.
From next to him, he heard Vee lift her rifle. Pop reached over and gripped the barrel, making her lower the weapon. “Let’s let Jamey get this one, Vee. This is his first time back.”
“Awwww.” But Vee didn’t push and settled on giving Jamey her patented dirty look.
“Kay, Jamey. Once it comes out from behind that tree, fire!” Pop grinned and clapped Jamey on the shoulder. “You can do it, boy.”
No pressure or anything.
Taking a deep breath, Jamey lifted the rifle and sighted the deer. It was just finishing its business and started to come out from behind the tree. Then for some inexplicable reason it paused and looked in his direction.
The last time Jamey had gone hunting, he had been eight years old. He hadn’t shot anything but he liked being out in the woods with Pop and Grandpa, and Uncle Mattie, and even Mattie’s boy Andy who was kind of a creep. It was all about the “male bonding” as Ma said. Something about being out in nature brought out the primal side.
But then that had been the year of Spots and Jamey never went hunting again. It helped that the move to Haven took away the option. Pop had to go and start talking about the hunt again and bringing Vee, Viola Washburne who wasn’t even a Cobb, on this primal male bonding ritual.
The deer continued to stare at him, unblinking.
Aw, he couldn’t do this. He shifted his gun to the right of the creature and fired.
And promptly had a heart attack when the deer dropped to the ground
Pop whooped and slapped him on the back. “Yer aim’s improved, boy!”
“Nice one, Jamey,” Vee said grudgingly.
Figured he’d h it something when he wasn’t even aiming for it. Gorrammit, someone in the ‘verse had it in for him. Feeling sick, Jamey followed Pop over to the fallen animal.
It was still alive and in great pain as it pawed at the earth and panted.
The grin on Pop’s face fell. “Jamey, you-”
Can’t do anything right. Screwed up. Aren’t a man.
Have to finish it off.
Dizzily, Jamey dropped to his knees beside the deer. His proximity made the animal panic more and he placed a soothing hand on its satiny soft nose. Tears pricked at his eyes and he glanced at its flanks, checking for spots, but his vision was too blurry to really see.
“Pistol.” Jamey held his hand up and didn’t look as Pop placed one in his hand.
“I’m sorry.” He put the barrel to the deer’s head, squeezing his eyes shut tight.
And pulled the trigger.
He’d been eight when he and Nettie found the frightened little deer with the broken leg. It had panicked at the sight of the children and had tried to run away, crying. The sight had damn near broken his heart.
So he’d left the unthreatening Nettie with the deer and ran and got Ma. She brought an old blanket with her and they’d used it as a stretcher to get the deer home. It had gone docile with Nettie singing to it and scratching behind its ears.
When they’d got it home, Ma set up a little sick room for it in the gardening shed and then set its leg. That was when she saw it was a boy and they named him Spots for the little flecks of white on his flanks.
Every day, they took turns giving Spots his bottle. They’d take him for walks around the garden, pulling him along in a wagon. He had this way of nuzzling their palms that tickled and he always seemed to nod along to whatever song they were singing at the time.
Eventually Spots’ leg had healed and Ma had a serious talk with them about how it wasn’t right to keep wild animals away from their rightful homes. It had been rough and they’d shed more than a few tears, yelled, and tried to bargain with her before agreeing with her.
Still, it hurt like a son of a bitch when Ma had fired a gun into the air and the startled, betrayed Spots fled into the woods, never to be seen again.
All of that pain came back as Jamey rose to his feet and stared at the mess he’d made of an innocent life.
“James-” Pop laid a hand on his shoulder.
“Save it,” Jamey muttered, shaking him off.
“Jamey, it’s-”
Couldn’t he just leave him alone for two seconds?! His rage nearly choked him as he spun to face his father. He barely noticed the usually unflappable Vee take a step back.
“Yeah, I screwed up. I’m not man enough for your little sport, okay? I shouldn’t even have come, right? I’m out of place on this god forsaken rock, I now it!” Jamey handed Pop the pistol. “It all works out in the end, doesn’t it? When Jamey fails you, you already got someone prepped to take my place.” He nodded at Vee and she gasped. The sound made him grind his teeth but it didn’t stop him. “Since you’re gettin’ on so well with my father, do you mind if we just trade? Maybe Wash wouldn’t mind a gutless son.”
Pop’s eyes bulged. “Jamey!”
Jamey turned and fled.
River couldn’t sleep. She missed Jayne; his mass was warm and comforting and kept the bad dreams away. So she got up and went to the kitchen expecting to find Ma Cobb but found Nettie instead.
Nettie looked up from the hot chocolate she was pouring and smiled brightly. “Morning.”
“Good morning.” River smiled back. “You’re just in time.”
“Oh!” Nettie looked from the cups to River and blushed. “This isn’t for you, it’s for-”
“I know. He’ll be in the back yard in one minute and thirty-five seconds.”
“Okay.” By the time she had the mugs in her hands, River had opened the door for her. “Thanks, Mommy.”
River patted her daughter on the head as she passed. “Good luck.”
All he wanted to do was have a minute by himself out by the shed where he could cry all he damn well pleased and maybe upchuck. Then he could figure out what he was going to say when he saw Vee and Pop again.
So of course he met Nettie out in the yard.
“Morning, Jamey! Where’s Daddy and Vee?”
“Not here,” he muttered and brushed by her, slightly knocking her smaller frame. Pop was always snapping at him to stop doing that since he was so much bigger than she was. Well, Nettie was tough. Unlike Jamey.
“Hey, watch it! I got hot chocolate here and I nearly scalded myself!” Nettie glared at him. “One of these is for you, ingrate.”
Joy, more guilt. He accepted his cup with a muttered thanks and took a sip, promptly burning his tongue. Karma.
“So why are you back before everybody else? Did the hunting go bad?”
Jamey couldn’t face her and he didn’t quite trust himself to speak quite yet.
“Jamey?” Aw hell, why did her voice have to sound so soft? It would be easier to ignore her and go hide if she was being bratty.
“Do you remember Spots?”
Jayne and Vee were quiet all the way to the house. Jayne knew he should be comforting the girl but she weren’t the only one who got her feelings hurt today.
How long had his son been feeling like he didn’t love him enough? He was afraid to even think about it.
“Want some breakfast?” Jayne asked, gruffly. “Ma ain’t up yet ‘n Pa, Mattie, ‘n Andy will be busy with that deer for awhile, but I can make ya somethin’.”
“No.” Vee shook her head. “I’m jus’ gonna go back to bed. Sleepy.”
Jayne squeezed her shoulder as they approached the house and the girl sighed. “I shouldn’t’ve come.”
“Naw, I invited ya, it’s-”
“Jayne. Don’t.” Vee walked ahead and called back, “Maybe we should do this again another time.”
Dammit, he hated when things got all awkward. He rubbed the back of his neck and followed Vee into the house. What he needed was some coffee. Figure out what he was going to say when he saw Jamey again.
His bad mood lifted slightly when he found his wife in the kitchen with an already brewed pot of coffee.
“Babydoll, you’re an angel,” he said gratefully. But she wasn’t paying attention, instead standing at the open window, eyes glazed over.
“Riv?” Concerned, he forgot all about coffee.
“Spots was their deer,” she whispered.
“Huh?”
“Shhhh.”
He joined her at the window and the sounds of their children’s voices carried over to them perfectly.
“You shot Spots?!”
“No! I don’t know! I just…” Jamey covered his eyes with his arm and gritted out, “It coulda been! Or his son or brother or cousin or…”
Nettie frowned. “Jamey, why’d you even go hunting in the first place? That’s not you.”
“But it’s supposed to be.”
“Huh?”
“It’s what he expects.”
“Who?”
“Pop, that’s who!”
For the life of her, Nettie couldn’t figure out what he was talking about. “What?”
Jamey dropped his arm and she could see the tears filling his eyes. It sort of frightened her; Jamey didn’t cry often and only when he hurt himself. But even then, he’d shake it off fast. These tears looked like they were in for the long haul.
“I look exactly like Pop, right?”
“Mm, kinda. Your eyes are brown, though.”
He rolled said brown eyes. “Yeah, but other than that.”
“Other than that,” she agreed. “Sure.”
“And I sound like him.”
“Yeah. But Mommy says it’s just a… affection?”
“An affectation. She’s right.”
“I don’t get it.” But she was trying to, honestly.
Jamey’s tears spilled. “I don’t think I do, either. He makes me feel like I’m not a Cobb, like I don’t belong. Like… like maybe if I was more like him…”
“If you had more in common he’d love you more?” Nettie guessed.
“Yeah! Well, no. I mean, I know he loves me but I disappoint him.” Jamey kicked at the dirt.
Nettie gasped. “That’s not true!”
“Then why did he invite Vee to the Cobb family hunt?!”
Oh for- Is that what this was about? Nettie had half a mind to kick her brother’s sorry ass from here to their old place, a good five miles.
“Not everything is about you, Jamey,” Nettie snapped. “Daddy invited Vee cuz she’s part of our Serenity family and she likes shootin’. That’s all. It wasn’t meant to show you up.”
His dumbfounded expression would’ve made her laugh if it hadn’t been so pathetic. “But- but I don’t-”
Nettie rolled her eyes. “Know what I think? I think all this Cobb go se is all in your own head. Cuz it sure ain’t comin’ from Daddy.” She turned to go inside but stopped. “You’re only half Cobb anyway. Keep in mind we’re Tams, too. Cobb Tams. We’re s’posed to be different. You don’t want to be exactly like Andy do you?”
Smirking, she went on ahead inside. That should give him something to chew on for awhile.
Jayne and River flew to the table just before Nettie had the door open. He tried to look as if he’d been sitting there drinking his coffee and not eavesdropping, but Nettie didn’t look too fooled as she passed through the room. Gorram girl was gettin’ to be just as smart as her ma.
After a few minutes, Jamey came in the door. The boy was blushing uncontrollably and Jayne’s heart went out to him.
Discreetly, River rose from her place. “I think I’ll go check on Nettie.” She brushed a kiss over Jayne’s brow and left the father and son alone.
There was a long silence.
“I’m, uh, I’m really sorry ‘bout what happened out there,” Jamey said, shakily. He pulled off his knit cap and started worrying it between his hands. “I got stupid and said some stuff that was outta line. ‘M sorry.” He raised his eyes to Jayne’s and the merc had a strong urge to pull the boy into his lap and hug him tight.
“You uh, you said out there that you wasn’t man enough.” Jayne struggled to find the right words. This needed to be said and he couldn’t afford to mess it up. “That ain’t true. You’ve proven lots of times that you’re a helluva man.”
Jamey dropped into River’s empty chair, lowering his head in shame. “Ma once said that a man is supposed to love his family ‘n honor ‘em ‘n do everything he can do to protect ‘em. I didn’t do such a good job with that today.”
“Well, you got a ways to go,” Jayne admitted. “But you’re tryin’. It’s just-” He got out of his chair and knelt by Jamey’s side. “You got a fight goin’ on in here,” he tapped Jamey’s chest over the heart, “between the boy you’ve been and the man you’re gonna be. It’s a real ripsnorter and it’s gonna take some time before the man wins.”
Jamey looked at him and smiled. “That was almost poetical, Pop.”
Jayne cleared his throat. “Well, don’t go tellin’ no one. Don’t want anyone thinkin’ that uncle o’ yers been an influence on me.”
“Hasn’t he?” Jamey asked innocently.
Mock growling, Jayne tugged the boy out of his chair into a rough hug, mussing his curls. “Smartass,” he said but grinned at Jamey’s laughter.
They calmed and Jayne rested his chin on Jamey’s head. “So, we okay here?”
“Yeah,” the boy said softly.
“Okay.” Jayne released him and got to his feet, knees popping painfully. “What say we get breakfast goin’ and surprise your grandma?”
Jamey grinned. “Sure.”
A sudden thought made Jayne’s eyes narrow. “One more thing. Go ‘pologize to Vee right now. She comes off as a hardass but you made her feel bad today.”
Jamey nodded, looking guilty again. “Okay.”
Nettie’s head popped around the doorframe, surprising them both. “And he pushed me again! Are you gonna punish him?!”
END
***********
Another note: While I don't personally endorse the sport of hunting, I don't think the people who do it are morally reprehensible human beings. Except maybe for the people who hang out of helicopters and shoot down at caribou.
Track Four < Tell Me What You See : Track Six > Notorious
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Date: 2006-06-10 10:14 pm (UTC)Good job :)
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Date: 2006-06-10 10:55 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-06-11 04:43 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-06-11 05:21 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-06-11 08:09 am (UTC)I get what you're saying about hunting as a sport, but I think out on the Rim, hunting wouldn't be so much for sport as for food, and I've never had a problem with that - it's the circle of life. Only in a non-disney way. I just don't like people hunting so they can stick tropheys up on their wall. I think it's disrespectful of life in general.
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Date: 2006-06-11 07:05 pm (UTC)Thanks for reviewing, I really appreciate it. :)
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Date: 2006-08-29 12:36 pm (UTC)Lovely homespun Cobb wisdom, it sounds like Jayne, I always think it's a tough thing to keep his voice authentic in moments like this and you hit the nail smack on the head.
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Date: 2006-08-29 08:41 pm (UTC)Jayne does that to me, I've found out... hijacking the story so he gets his say in his Jayney way. That sounds so spectacularly pretentious but I can think of no other way to explain it. Jayne's advice never would've occured to me otherwise.
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Date: 2007-06-05 08:09 pm (UTC)That was my favorite part. Man, I love the funny.
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Date: 2007-06-05 08:31 pm (UTC)