toxic_corn: Summer Glau is pretty. (pretty rayne)
[personal profile] toxic_corn
Title: In His Bunk
Author: toxic_corn
Pairing: River/Jayne
Rating: R
Disclaimer: Everything is Joss's. Not mine.
Summary: What happened after Jayne decided River was prettiest?
Notes: Follows River Gets A Gun and Drinking Night.

Jayne had been drinking the night before. Not so much drinking but practically swimming in alcohol. As he woke up, he felt like he had his head in a vise and some sadistic bastard like Niska kept tightening it. “I think you imbibed too much of the spirits, yes? Lesson times now? Now. Ah yes.”

Creepy fuck.

He must’ve still been under the influence or something because it felt like he had a girl in bed with him. Someone soft and draped over his back just the right way so’s he didn’t feel too crowded or hot. Someone whose strand of long dark hair was draped over his shoulder and smelled nice when he absently rubbed his face against it.


Long dark hair. Little hand on his belly. Long, pale, slender leg draped over his hip. It couldn’t be… Well, maybe it was Inara? Cautiously, he turned his head to see who the mystery girl was.

River Tam slept peacefully, a soft smile on her face.

And she was missing her shirt.

“The hell is goin’ on here?!” Jayne roared, the volume rising with each word.

River jolted awake and gaped up at the angry mercenary. “Good morning,” she said, expression carefully controlled.

“Don’t you ‘good morning’ me, you little crazy person! What are you doin’ in my bunk? And where the gorram hell is my pants?”

She pointed over his shoulder.

“What the hell are you pointin’ at?!”

“Your pants,” she said in a little voice.

He turned and there they were wadded up on his dresser. “Oh.” Remembering he was supposed to be angry, he worked himself up again and faced her, nostrils flaring. “So that’s one mystery solved. Now why the hell did I just wake up with you spoonin’ me?”

She took a deep breath and the motion drew his gaze to her bare chest. He felt his jaw drop and everything she said was obliterated by the thick fog of lust that drifted through his mind. When there was silence, he tore his attention almost painfully away from where he’d been staring and found her looking at him expectantly.

“Put your shirt on,” he snapped.

The girl frowned. “I can’t. I just got done telling you.”

“Well, tell me one more time.”

“You ripped it.” She reached over the side of the bed and held up shredded strips of fabric. “See?”

Wo de ma.” Jayne rubbed his face then turned back to the dresser to pull out a t-shirt and tossed it to her. “Try story-time again with clothes on.”

River quietly slid the shirt on over her head and Jayne realized a little too late that this might be even worse for his attention-span. She looked cute all tucked into his bed, wearing his shirt. She stared at him with those big brown eyes of hers like she was waiting for his permission to speak. He waved his hand impatiently for her to get on with it.

“Well, last night, you had a great deal to drink,” she began.

“Don’t I know it,” he grumbled, rubbing his head. “I got the hangover to prove- Wait. You didn’t drink anything last night.”

“I can’t; my drug regiment forbids it.”

“So I was drunk and you weren’t! You took advantage of me!!” He pointed at her accusingly.

“I did no such thing!” River exclaimed incredulously.

“Oh, you’re offended? This would be a whole other conversation entirely if we’d woken up in your bunk and you’d been the one drunk off your ass!”

River sighed. “You’re right, it would be. Do you really want to know what happened last night?”

“Uh, yeah? That’s only what I been askin’ ya to tell me the last five minutes?”

“So shut up so I can tell it.”

Pride stinging, he scowled and crossed his arms, trying to look intimidating in his gray boxer shorts. “Tell it, sister.”


River could hear Jayne stumbling along behind her and smirked to herself. Her plan was going perfectly. It was unfortunate that he had to be so drunk but hopefully he’d be able to perform and his memory wouldn’t be negatively affected.

She made it to his bunk first and after putting her new gun in the top drawer of his dresser, she settled herself in the center of the bed to wait for him. The hatch opened and she heard him coming down the ladder. Suddenly, he yelped out a long string of Chinese and he came crashing to the floor.

“Jayne!” River ran to his side where he was crumbled in a painful-looking heap. “Oh, bao bei, are you all right?”

“Gorram ladder,” he moaned, face into the floor. He rolled onto his back with her help and sulked for a moment before his expression shifted to one of wonder. “Didja just call me bao bei?”

A blush made her face heat up. “I did. Yes.”

His grin was boyish and silly. “Aww, that’s shiny. I ain’t never been anyone’s bao bei before. Ya mean it? Ya didn’t just say it cuz the ladder tripped me?”

She smoothed a hand over his hair, charmed by his unexpected insecurity. “I really mean it. I have wanted you to be mine for a very long time.”

Dreamy eyed, he reached out and awkwardly petted her hair. “That’s shiny.”

“We should put you to bed,” River said, softly. She had planned on him being drunk but not this drunk. It felt wrong to now. “You’ve had too much to drink.”

“Bed?” he said, eagerly and got shakily to his feet. He made quick work of kicking off his boots and taking off his pants, wadding them up and absently placing them on the dresser. “Bed’s good. You’ll like bed. I’ll teach ya. You’re a virgin, right?”

Another blush spread across her face and River pressed her hand to her cheek. “Jayne, that’s not what I meant.”

He made a scoffing noise as he reached the bed, sinking onto it. “That’s what everybody means. ‘Specially me. Women like bed with me cuz I- Oh, Riv, hey. I been with other women.” He looked worried. “Whores. I ain’t got any diseases though, I’ve had the Doc check me. And… and they didn’t mean nothin’ to me either. I was just with them cuz I’m lonely.”

His sad expression went to her heart and River crossed the room to sit beside him. “You’re lonely?”

“Well. Yeah.” Jayne fiddled with his hands. “I didn’t mind so much at first but now I’m gettin’ older and my ma keeps askin’ about grandbabies ‘n, well, I think maybe havin’ me a girl all the time wouldn’t be so bad.”

River gently rubbed between his shoulders. “Maybe.”

“So we should get to bed,” Jayne said quickly and spun to face her, grinning widely. “Here, lemee help you outta those clothes!”

“Jayne, don’t-!” Before she could get her sentence out, her favorite blouse was shredded.

Jayne looked at the torn fabric in his hands, blinking stupidly. “There weren’t any buttons. ’m sorry, baby girl.”

“It… it’s all right.” She mourned the pretty pink blouse for a moment and then touched his hand lightly. “You were only trying to help.”

“I was,” Jayne agreed. “And I guess I helped too hard.” He dropped the blouse and turned to face her. “Anyway, the best part of this is- Hey. Where’s your bra?”

“I wasn’t wearing one.” River shrugged.

“So… so you was walkin’ around all day with the girls all bouncin’ around free?”

River giggled. “There isn’t much to bounce!”

“Yeah, but… They… they’re nice.” He reached out and cupped one, looking into her face for permission. When she shook her head, he dropped his hand and looked sad. “No touch?”

“You can tomorrow when you’re sober and you still want to.” She started to get up. “I should go now and let you rest.”

“No!” Jayne lunged and grabbed her arm, stilling her flight. “Stay!”

River shook her head. “I told you that I’m not going to-”

“You don’t hafta sex me, just stay. Please?”

She looked down at his hand on her arm and felt a smile spread across her face. “Jayne Cobb likes cuddling?”

He gave her a stubbornly defensive look. “Jayne Cobb does. And he’s damn good at it, too!”

“That’s wonderful,” she said quickly to calm him. “I’d be happy to stay and cuddle with you, Jayne.”

“Good.” He slipped under the covers and then held his arms open for her. “C’mere.” She went to him and was folded into his embrace, his chin settling on top of her head. For a moment she felt uncomfortably trapped but then he said, “G’night, pretty girl.” He sounded so affectionately sweet that her discomfort flew away.

“Good night, Jayne.”


“Oh.” At the end of the story, Jayne scratched the back of his neck in discomfort. “So, uh. You’re not gonna tell nobody what happened here, are you?”

She shook her head. “No. This is between you and I.”

“Shiny.” He didn’t really know how to proceed from here. “So uh, thanks for lookin’ out for me last night. Even though I was probably all disappointin’ and drunk ‘n all.”

“I wasn’t disappointed in you,” River said. “I was disappointed in myself. For… for trying to…” Her face crumbled and she got up quickly. “I’ll go now. You should rest.”

As she passed him, he grabbed her arm without thinking. “Hey, wait!”

She didn’t look at him. “Yes?”

“Listen, I was drunk last night. But those things I said…”

“You don’t need to explain,” she mumbled.

Jayne groaned impatiently. “Will ya just listen?” When he felt like he had her attention, he continued, “I was drunk last night but I think I meant those things I said.”

River had been staring sadly at the floor but her head jerked up at that. “Really?” she asked, hopefully.

He gave her a half-smile. “Really. ‘Sides, you are the prettiest.” That made her giggle and he grinned at her. “So my head kinda aches. Wanna stay and keep me company?”

“Of course,” she said softly and took his hand. “I’ll stay by your side the whole time.”

“Even if we get raided?” he teased as they settled back onto the bed.

“Even then,” she chirped. She cuddled into his side and Jayne draped his arm around her waist.

“Yeah, that’s right. Ya got that big ol’ mean gun now.” He was surprised when she pressed her face shyly into his chest. “Hey now. What’s this?”

“That gun was actually for you,” she admitted. “I watched you at the store and picked out the one you liked best.”

He stared at her in disbelief and then started to laugh. “Hell, girl, you better be sure you still want me cuz now you’re never gonna be rid of me.”

Giggling, she lifted her head and smiled prettily. “Good.”

And Jayne Cobb did what he hadn’t done in years: he kissed the girl.

The End

Date: 2008-02-17 10:11 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
YES! That was ubercute. 'Specially the end!

Date: 2008-02-18 12:31 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Thanks! :D

Date: 2008-02-17 11:33 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Ahahaha drunk Jayne!! I loved it XD

Date: 2008-02-18 12:33 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Thank you! :)

Date: 2008-02-18 12:00 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
AWW! I love your Jayne. He's sooooo dreamy!

Date: 2008-02-18 12:34 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
My Jayne? I like the sound of that!

Date: 2008-02-18 04:37 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Well, I have my Jayne-clone, so no worries.

Date: 2008-02-18 12:03 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Love that he points out how different it would be if he'd shown up in her bed after a night of hard drinking. Plus that River planned to seduce him while he was drunk but she decided not to after all because he was totally shitfaced.

Liked the vulnerable side to Jayne. The lonely comment and the ma wanting him to get moving on the grandbabies.

Date: 2008-02-18 12:34 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Thank you very much.

Date: 2008-02-18 03:03 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
“So I was drunk and you weren’t! You took advantage of me!!” He pointed at her accusingly.

“Jayne Cobb likes cuddling?”
He gave her a stubbornly defensive look. “Jayne Cobb does. And he’s damn good at it, too!”

I loved the whole story, but those two bits especially. :-D

Date: 2008-02-18 04:42 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Thanks, I liked those parts too. :D

Date: 2008-02-18 03:48 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Awww, so cute =)
And Jayne is such an honest drunk! So adorable <3

Date: 2008-02-18 04:43 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Thanks! Honest/drunk!Jayne was fun to write.

Date: 2008-02-18 04:33 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
That's lovely, perfect :D

Date: 2008-02-18 07:29 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Thank you. :)


Date: 2008-02-18 09:09 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I loved this particular installment because it was sweet and gruff and full of impaired Jayne cuteness. I also thought the voices of both were just perfect! More? Maybe? Oh please? :)

Re: *squee*

Date: 2008-02-19 01:11 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Thank you very much! I'm glad you liked it but I think I'm done with this "mini series;" I answered everyone's questions in the previous installments and I think it wraps up neatly. I'll be writing more Rayne though as soon as my time frees itself up and inspiration hits.

Date: 2008-02-19 02:52 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Ahh, so sweet. All three chapters!

Date: 2008-02-19 08:58 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Thank you!

Date: 2008-02-19 08:33 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
*SQUEEE* He KISSED THE GIRL!!!! (Little Mermaid Moment).

Drunk!Jayne is so awesomely awesome and adorable!

I loved this!

Date: 2008-02-19 08:59 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I totally had that song in my head after I wrote that line, lol! Glad you liked it!

Date: 2008-09-07 11:14 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
ZOMG! How wonderful.. I have me a shiny new (to me) writer to read!
And such a nice series, too.

Date: 2008-09-07 11:39 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Aww, thanks, I'm glad you liked it. :D


toxic_corn: Summer Glau is pretty. (Default)

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