harry potter = veronica mars?
Dec. 20th, 2005 12:48 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
toxic_cornWow, everybody's day seems to have gotten off to a crappy start. I'm sorry. *throws love everybody's way*
And to think I was going to make an angsty post today... I think I'll talk about my dad another time and instead focus on something pointless and stupid.
Like some Harry Potter/Veronica Mars comparisons!
Now, as everybody who reads Harry Potter knows, the job of Defense Against the Dark Arts instructor is difficult to keep filled for longer than a year. Well, so is the position of Jounalism Teacher at Neptune High! Let's compare, shall we?
HOGWARTS SCHOOL OF WITCHCRAFT AND WIZARDRY
Defense Against the Dark Arts
*cap from hogwarts-gallery.org
Who First up is Professor Quirrell, the stuttering doofus who fainted after saying "TROLL!!! IN THE DUNGEON! Thought you should know."
What went wrong? He had Voldemort growing out of his head and was just a bad guy overall.
Where Are They Now No one really seems to miss him.
*cap from snitchseeker.com
Who Gilderoy Lockhart, Order of Merlin, Third Class, Honorary Member of the Dark Force Defense League, and five-time winner of Witch Weekly's Most-Charming Smile Award. Oh, and a big fat phony. One really must wonder what exactly the screening process is to get a job at Hogwarts. O_o
What Went Wrong Turns out the only spell Lockhart was any good at was Obliviate which he tried to do on Harry and Ron. Luckily, he was using Ron's defective wand and the spell backfired onto him.
Where Are They Now He's now perfecting his "joined-up" writing at St. Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries in the Spell Damage Ward. And he's still charming the ladies. Good for him.
*pic from hogwarts-gallery.org
Who Professor Remus J. Lupin a.k.a. Moony of the Marauders. He was a dear friend of Lily and James Potter as well as Sirius Black. No doubt the most competent teacher the Hogwarts students have ever had in DADA.
What Went Wrong Just because he forgot his werewolf potion and nearly killed a few students, some parents got their robes in a bunch and Lupin was sent packing.
Where Are They Now He's been living underground and romancing Metamorphmagi with great success.
*cap from hogwarts-gallery.org
Who Mad-Eye Moody, a former Auror for the Ministry of Magic. Kinda.
What Went Wrong The real Moody was stuffed in a chest for MONTHS while a minion of Voldemort used Polyjuice Potion to pose as him. I can't help but wonder where he went to the bathroom; was he allowed out for awhile or did he just go in the chest and the minion cleaned it out every so often?
Where Are They Now He's been working with the Order of the Phoenix and probably having a lot of fun with it, too.
*art by potterpuffs on LiveJournal
Who The cow on the right. Dolores Umbridge, the sadistic bitch-monster hand-picked by the Minister Cornelius Fudge to become the Hogwarts High Inquisitor. She has a problem with authority: She likes it WAY too much.
What Went Wrong She got the shit kicked out of her by a group of centaurs. Parents everywhere were horrified when after reading the passage little Bobby and Susie leaped up out of their beds shouting "Booyah, bitch!!"
Where Are They Now Apparently she's awesome at kissing ass because she still has a job at the Ministry. The sight of centaurs still make her a little jumpy.
*cap from hogwarts-gallery.org
WhoSnivellus Severus Snape, former Potions Master at Hogwarts. He'd been pushing Dumbledore to give him the Defense Against the Dark Arts post for years and finally Dumbledore let him have it. Then Snape let him have it. There's gratitude for you.
What Went Wrong Most of us should've seen this coming, but no, we had to think "Oh, he was teased as a child, boo hoo, no wonder he's an asshead to his students wah wah."
Where Are They Now Hiding out. Greasy git.
NEPTUNE HIGH SCHOOL
Journalism Teacher
*all caps from vm-caps.com
Who Mallory Dent. The fact that she was new to Neptune was constantly rubbed in her face but Ms. Dent was cool and took it all in stride.
What Went Wrong According to Veronica, Ms. Dent "let herself get knocked up." Our V is so charming.
Where Are They Now Uh, spending time with her kid? I don't know.
Who Come on buckaroos! We're burning daylight here! Ms. Stafford was Veronica's pep squad advisor but took over Journalism when Ms. Dent was on maternity leave. What? It's totally cool, she was on her high school yearbook staff.
What Went Wrong She let Veronica and the kids print two articles about the bomb threats and she was let go. :(
Where Are They Now Maybe she got a job elsewhere. It would probably be easy for her, unlike the statutory rapist Mr. Rooks.
Who Mr. Not Appearing In This Series, the substitute that Ms. Stafford said would "arrive shortly."
What Went Wrong He was only a substitute and stayed on until a permanent teacher could be found.
Where Are They Now Uh... he's teaching math to inner city kids.
Who Ms.Dumbass Dumas. Dick didn't show her no respect.
What Went Wrong On the way back from a field trip to Shark Field, the bus went off a cliff and crashed into the ocean.
Where Are They Now She's dead. *moment of silence*
Who Mrs. Murphy. She always lets Logan go potty.
What Went Wrong Nothing. Yet.
Where Are They Now Still Teaching at Neptune. For now.
CONCLUSION
Hogwarts' revolving door is due to a curse from Voldemort. He wanted the DADA position but Dumbledore foiled his every move. In a classic villian fit of logic, he decided that if he can't get the job, NO ONE CAN. Now, the only REAL villian in Neptune is Aaron Echolls. Maybe Principal Moorehead wouldn't let Aaron take the job of Journalism Teacher because he had a feeling Aaron would have less interest in journalism and more in a roomful of barely legal girls? Who knows? But still... the connection here is spooky.
And to think I was going to make an angsty post today... I think I'll talk about my dad another time and instead focus on something pointless and stupid.
Like some Harry Potter/Veronica Mars comparisons!
Now, as everybody who reads Harry Potter knows, the job of Defense Against the Dark Arts instructor is difficult to keep filled for longer than a year. Well, so is the position of Jounalism Teacher at Neptune High! Let's compare, shall we?
Defense Against the Dark Arts
*cap from hogwarts-gallery.org
Who First up is Professor Quirrell, the stuttering doofus who fainted after saying "TROLL!!! IN THE DUNGEON! Thought you should know."
What went wrong? He had Voldemort growing out of his head and was just a bad guy overall.
Where Are They Now No one really seems to miss him.
*cap from snitchseeker.com
Who Gilderoy Lockhart, Order of Merlin, Third Class, Honorary Member of the Dark Force Defense League, and five-time winner of Witch Weekly's Most-Charming Smile Award. Oh, and a big fat phony. One really must wonder what exactly the screening process is to get a job at Hogwarts. O_o
What Went Wrong Turns out the only spell Lockhart was any good at was Obliviate which he tried to do on Harry and Ron. Luckily, he was using Ron's defective wand and the spell backfired onto him.
Where Are They Now He's now perfecting his "joined-up" writing at St. Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries in the Spell Damage Ward. And he's still charming the ladies. Good for him.
*pic from hogwarts-gallery.org
Who Professor Remus J. Lupin a.k.a. Moony of the Marauders. He was a dear friend of Lily and James Potter as well as Sirius Black. No doubt the most competent teacher the Hogwarts students have ever had in DADA.
What Went Wrong Just because he forgot his werewolf potion and nearly killed a few students, some parents got their robes in a bunch and Lupin was sent packing.
Where Are They Now He's been living underground and romancing Metamorphmagi with great success.
*cap from hogwarts-gallery.org
Who Mad-Eye Moody, a former Auror for the Ministry of Magic. Kinda.
What Went Wrong The real Moody was stuffed in a chest for MONTHS while a minion of Voldemort used Polyjuice Potion to pose as him. I can't help but wonder where he went to the bathroom; was he allowed out for awhile or did he just go in the chest and the minion cleaned it out every so often?
Where Are They Now He's been working with the Order of the Phoenix and probably having a lot of fun with it, too.
*art by potterpuffs on LiveJournal
Who The cow on the right. Dolores Umbridge, the sadistic bitch-monster hand-picked by the Minister Cornelius Fudge to become the Hogwarts High Inquisitor. She has a problem with authority: She likes it WAY too much.
What Went Wrong She got the shit kicked out of her by a group of centaurs. Parents everywhere were horrified when after reading the passage little Bobby and Susie leaped up out of their beds shouting "Booyah, bitch!!"
Where Are They Now Apparently she's awesome at kissing ass because she still has a job at the Ministry. The sight of centaurs still make her a little jumpy.
*cap from hogwarts-gallery.org
Who
What Went Wrong Most of us should've seen this coming, but no, we had to think "Oh, he was teased as a child, boo hoo, no wonder he's an asshead to his students wah wah."
Where Are They Now Hiding out. Greasy git.
Journalism Teacher
*all caps from vm-caps.com
Who Mallory Dent. The fact that she was new to Neptune was constantly rubbed in her face but Ms. Dent was cool and took it all in stride.
What Went Wrong According to Veronica, Ms. Dent "let herself get knocked up." Our V is so charming.
Where Are They Now Uh, spending time with her kid? I don't know.
Who Come on buckaroos! We're burning daylight here! Ms. Stafford was Veronica's pep squad advisor but took over Journalism when Ms. Dent was on maternity leave. What? It's totally cool, she was on her high school yearbook staff.
What Went Wrong She let Veronica and the kids print two articles about the bomb threats and she was let go. :(
Where Are They Now Maybe she got a job elsewhere. It would probably be easy for her, unlike the statutory rapist Mr. Rooks.
Who Mr. Not Appearing In This Series, the substitute that Ms. Stafford said would "arrive shortly."
What Went Wrong He was only a substitute and stayed on until a permanent teacher could be found.
Where Are They Now Uh... he's teaching math to inner city kids.
Who Ms.
What Went Wrong On the way back from a field trip to Shark Field, the bus went off a cliff and crashed into the ocean.
Where Are They Now She's dead. *moment of silence*
Who Mrs. Murphy. She always lets Logan go potty.
What Went Wrong Nothing. Yet.
Where Are They Now Still Teaching at Neptune. For now.
Hogwarts' revolving door is due to a curse from Voldemort. He wanted the DADA position but Dumbledore foiled his every move. In a classic villian fit of logic, he decided that if he can't get the job, NO ONE CAN. Now, the only REAL villian in Neptune is Aaron Echolls. Maybe Principal Moorehead wouldn't let Aaron take the job of Journalism Teacher because he had a feeling Aaron would have less interest in journalism and more in a roomful of barely legal girls? Who knows? But still... the connection here is spooky.
