Marcus Hamilton fic for ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
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May. 1st, 2007 02:44 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
toxic_cornTitle: Five Times Marcus Hamilton Actually Liked Angel As Opposed To Hating Him With The Fiery Passion Of A Thousand Suns
Rating: PG-13
Author: toxic_corn
Disclaimer: Marcus Hamilton belongs to Joss Whedon. Not me.
Summary: Hamilton can tolerate Angel sometimes.
Notes: For the Five fic meme. Takes place in the same crack-verse as Five Things Marcus Hamilton Could Say..., The Softer Side of Evil, and Five Times Marcus Hamilton Shirked His Responsibilities.
Forguinny_hamilton
1. Cocktail Party Conversation
"How's the weather up there?"
"My, you're a big one, aren't you?"
"Is it true what they say? Big hands, big feet...?"
At social gatherings, Marcus always tried to be as polite as possible. His formidable strength and size earned him the respect of many underlings. But those of higher station usually made remarks about his height and it grated on him. Like when he'd been in junior high school and had grown faster than the other boys...
Pissed off, Marcus strode into Angel's empty office to calm down. Or at least he assumed it'd been empty.
Jumping in surprise, the CEO vampire with a soul muted the television.
"What are you doing in-" Marcus's eyes narrowed at the screen. "Is that hockey?"
"Uh, yeah. Canucks versus the Avalanche."
Marcus looked over his shoulder at the party he'd just abandoned and then at Angel. He didn't like the guy, usually. Hated him, rather. But...
"What's the score?" Marcus asked, taking a seat.
2. Now You See Him...
Marcus held the temp up against the wall by the neck. The young man's feet kicked as he struggled to breathe, hands scrabbling to break Marcus' hold.
"I'm only going to ask you one more time," Hamilton said, keeping his tone calm. "Where. Is. My. Dog."
"Nerrrgg, don't.... know!"
The kid wasn't lying. But just to prove a point, Hamilton held him a little longer and then abruptly let go. The kid fell to the ground, sobbing as he sucked in air. Uninterested, Marcus walked away on his search.
It'd been "Bring Your Child To Work Day" and because Hamilton didn't actually have children, he'd decided to bring Isaiah. He knew it was ridiculous to consider a pet as a child but he'd gotten excited at the idea of having his puppy with him all day. He'd gotten some of Isaiah's favorite treats, spread newspaper around his desk, and alerted all personnel that his puppy would be in attendance so he wouldn't end up as someone's snack.
And what had happened? He'd turned his back for two seconds and Isaiah was gone.
"Okay, little guy. We'll try a few more floors, okay? I'll bet your mommy or daddy's here someplace." This was met with an enthusiastic little yip that made Hamilton spin around.
There, heading for the elevators was Angel, carrying Isaiah. The little traitor looked happy enough, wagging his tail.
"Hey!" Hamilton called, running after them. "Wait!"
Surprised, Angel stopped. Isaiah took one look at his master and started wriggling excitedly, sneezing repeatedly.
"Is this guy yours?" Angel asked, holding the dog out.
"Yes. Isaiah, you mustn't wander off." Scooping up his puppy, Hamilton tried to be severe but then cuddled him to his chest when Isaiah looked up at him apologetically.
"Yeah, otherwise that vampire was going to have you for a snack," Angel added.
Hamilton froze. "What?"
"Not the vamp's fault," Angel said, stepping into the elevator as the doors opened. "A temp gave him to her."
"Which temp?" Hamilton asked, managing to sound curious and not at all homicidal.
"That one." Angel pointed over Hamilton's shoulder. Turning, he saw the temp he'd just left come staggering from around the corner, loosening his collar.
"Excuse me," Hamilton said, coolly polite. "Thank you for rescuing my dog, Angel."
"No problem." The doors closed.
Eyes narrowing, Hamilton stalked towards the temp. "Wasn't that nice of Uncle Angel? Saving you from the bad man? That's okay, though. Bad men must be punished..."
3. Stage Fright
Hamilton could leap tall buildings in a single bound. Or close to it at least.
He could knock a door off its hinges with one barely focused kick.
He could speak several languages fluently.
He could play Layla on the guitar.
But one thing Marcus Hamilton could not do was sing.
Sweating, he looked around the karaoke bar at his employees. He was up next and Harmony had sent him a wicked look as she finished her horrid rendition of "My Heart Will Go On."
"You're up, Hamilton!" someone in the audience shouted.
Keeping on his cool mask, Hamilton walked up to the stage and accepted the microphone, wondering what song Harmony had chosen for him.
He recognized that tune in two notes. Roxanne by The Police. Oh, shit.
But just when he had to start singing, the power abruptly cut out. Everyone raised their voice in protest but silenced when they looked around and saw Angel holding two pieces of the power cord.
"What the hell is this?" Angel snarled. "No screwing around on company time! Get to work, now!"
Hamilton practically beamed as he placed the microphone back in its stand. God bless that stick-up-his-posterior vampire and his Protestant work ethic.
4. Hammy vs Angie
The Wolfram and Hart groupies were at it again. He loathed nothing more than being referred to as "Hammy." That sounded like a spoiled pet pig, not someone important like him. Nicknames didn't get much worse than Hammy.
But on the front of the company newsletter, the headline read, "DAUGHTERS OF WOLFRAM AND HART ANNOUNCE FIRST 'ANGIE CON.'"
At least Hammy was a male name.
Chuckling, Hamilton read the article and considered attending.
5. Schadenfreude
Last night he'd hardly gotten any sleep. Harmony had kept them up asking relationship questions. "Where do you think we're headed as a couple? Do you see us as long term? When can I meet your mother? Do you have a mother? Oh my god, were you hatched? That's so gross! Was it like Jurassic Park where you're in like, a lab with robot hands turning the eggs over and- Why are you looking at me like that? Oh my god, is something wrong with my hair?!!"
Sipping his coffee, he turned to watch Angel step off the elevator and immediately spill the contents of his manila folder on the floor. When the vampire swore and knelt to pick them up, the doors shut on him.
Shouting, Angel pushed the doors opened again and got up, heading to the reception area where Harmony was reluctantly chatting with a Mucus Demon. He was there only ten seconds when the Mucus Demon sneezed all over him.
"Wet nap, boss?" Harmony asked.
Hamilton swiftly walked away, trying not to choke on his coffee. Suddenly, his day didn't seem so miserable after all.
THE END
Rating: PG-13
Author: toxic_corn
Disclaimer: Marcus Hamilton belongs to Joss Whedon. Not me.
Summary: Hamilton can tolerate Angel sometimes.
Notes: For the Five fic meme. Takes place in the same crack-verse as Five Things Marcus Hamilton Could Say..., The Softer Side of Evil, and Five Times Marcus Hamilton Shirked His Responsibilities.
For
guinny_hamilton1. Cocktail Party Conversation
"How's the weather up there?"
"My, you're a big one, aren't you?"
"Is it true what they say? Big hands, big feet...?"
At social gatherings, Marcus always tried to be as polite as possible. His formidable strength and size earned him the respect of many underlings. But those of higher station usually made remarks about his height and it grated on him. Like when he'd been in junior high school and had grown faster than the other boys...
Pissed off, Marcus strode into Angel's empty office to calm down. Or at least he assumed it'd been empty.
Jumping in surprise, the CEO vampire with a soul muted the television.
"What are you doing in-" Marcus's eyes narrowed at the screen. "Is that hockey?"
"Uh, yeah. Canucks versus the Avalanche."
Marcus looked over his shoulder at the party he'd just abandoned and then at Angel. He didn't like the guy, usually. Hated him, rather. But...
"What's the score?" Marcus asked, taking a seat.
2. Now You See Him...
Marcus held the temp up against the wall by the neck. The young man's feet kicked as he struggled to breathe, hands scrabbling to break Marcus' hold.
"I'm only going to ask you one more time," Hamilton said, keeping his tone calm. "Where. Is. My. Dog."
"Nerrrgg, don't.... know!"
The kid wasn't lying. But just to prove a point, Hamilton held him a little longer and then abruptly let go. The kid fell to the ground, sobbing as he sucked in air. Uninterested, Marcus walked away on his search.
It'd been "Bring Your Child To Work Day" and because Hamilton didn't actually have children, he'd decided to bring Isaiah. He knew it was ridiculous to consider a pet as a child but he'd gotten excited at the idea of having his puppy with him all day. He'd gotten some of Isaiah's favorite treats, spread newspaper around his desk, and alerted all personnel that his puppy would be in attendance so he wouldn't end up as someone's snack.
And what had happened? He'd turned his back for two seconds and Isaiah was gone.
"Okay, little guy. We'll try a few more floors, okay? I'll bet your mommy or daddy's here someplace." This was met with an enthusiastic little yip that made Hamilton spin around.
There, heading for the elevators was Angel, carrying Isaiah. The little traitor looked happy enough, wagging his tail.
"Hey!" Hamilton called, running after them. "Wait!"
Surprised, Angel stopped. Isaiah took one look at his master and started wriggling excitedly, sneezing repeatedly.
"Is this guy yours?" Angel asked, holding the dog out.
"Yes. Isaiah, you mustn't wander off." Scooping up his puppy, Hamilton tried to be severe but then cuddled him to his chest when Isaiah looked up at him apologetically.
"Yeah, otherwise that vampire was going to have you for a snack," Angel added.
Hamilton froze. "What?"
"Not the vamp's fault," Angel said, stepping into the elevator as the doors opened. "A temp gave him to her."
"Which temp?" Hamilton asked, managing to sound curious and not at all homicidal.
"That one." Angel pointed over Hamilton's shoulder. Turning, he saw the temp he'd just left come staggering from around the corner, loosening his collar.
"Excuse me," Hamilton said, coolly polite. "Thank you for rescuing my dog, Angel."
"No problem." The doors closed.
Eyes narrowing, Hamilton stalked towards the temp. "Wasn't that nice of Uncle Angel? Saving you from the bad man? That's okay, though. Bad men must be punished..."
3. Stage Fright
Hamilton could leap tall buildings in a single bound. Or close to it at least.
He could knock a door off its hinges with one barely focused kick.
He could speak several languages fluently.
He could play Layla on the guitar.
But one thing Marcus Hamilton could not do was sing.
Sweating, he looked around the karaoke bar at his employees. He was up next and Harmony had sent him a wicked look as she finished her horrid rendition of "My Heart Will Go On."
"You're up, Hamilton!" someone in the audience shouted.
Keeping on his cool mask, Hamilton walked up to the stage and accepted the microphone, wondering what song Harmony had chosen for him.
He recognized that tune in two notes. Roxanne by The Police. Oh, shit.
But just when he had to start singing, the power abruptly cut out. Everyone raised their voice in protest but silenced when they looked around and saw Angel holding two pieces of the power cord.
"What the hell is this?" Angel snarled. "No screwing around on company time! Get to work, now!"
Hamilton practically beamed as he placed the microphone back in its stand. God bless that stick-up-his-posterior vampire and his Protestant work ethic.
4. Hammy vs Angie
The Wolfram and Hart groupies were at it again. He loathed nothing more than being referred to as "Hammy." That sounded like a spoiled pet pig, not someone important like him. Nicknames didn't get much worse than Hammy.
But on the front of the company newsletter, the headline read, "DAUGHTERS OF WOLFRAM AND HART ANNOUNCE FIRST 'ANGIE CON.'"
At least Hammy was a male name.
Chuckling, Hamilton read the article and considered attending.
5. Schadenfreude
Last night he'd hardly gotten any sleep. Harmony had kept them up asking relationship questions. "Where do you think we're headed as a couple? Do you see us as long term? When can I meet your mother? Do you have a mother? Oh my god, were you hatched? That's so gross! Was it like Jurassic Park where you're in like, a lab with robot hands turning the eggs over and- Why are you looking at me like that? Oh my god, is something wrong with my hair?!!"
Sipping his coffee, he turned to watch Angel step off the elevator and immediately spill the contents of his manila folder on the floor. When the vampire swore and knelt to pick them up, the doors shut on him.
Shouting, Angel pushed the doors opened again and got up, heading to the reception area where Harmony was reluctantly chatting with a Mucus Demon. He was there only ten seconds when the Mucus Demon sneezed all over him.
"Wet nap, boss?" Harmony asked.
Hamilton swiftly walked away, trying not to choke on his coffee. Suddenly, his day didn't seem so miserable after all.
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no subject
Date: 2007-05-01 10:09 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-05-01 10:15 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-05-01 11:22 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-05-01 10:11 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-05-01 10:16 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-05-01 10:39 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-05-01 10:42 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-05-01 11:57 pm (UTC)"Protestant work ethic" caught me, because of that meme we all did with the thingies. You know, the thingies.
And then I had to go, "Wait. Angel wouldn't have been Protestant; he was Irish, so he'd have been Catholic. Besides, there's that whole nun thing."
(Sometimes I overthink things.)
no subject
Date: 2007-05-02 12:02 am (UTC)Well, why not? A lot can change in 200 years. :P And good Catholics don't kill nuns.
no subject
Date: 2007-05-02 12:22 am (UTC)OOOTP. It's like poot. Or top. Or poo.
no subject
Date: 2007-05-02 04:13 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-05-02 02:09 am (UTC)LOL
no subject
Date: 2007-05-02 04:14 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-05-02 09:42 am (UTC)I knew these were going to be great, but I had no way of knowing just how great they would be.
*worships you*
no subject
Date: 2007-05-02 06:38 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-05-05 01:23 pm (UTC)Love poor Angel's bad day and Harmony's relationship questions. *giggle* Isiah is so cool, I like Marcus cradling him to his chest.
no subject
Date: 2007-05-05 10:55 pm (UTC)