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toxic_cornSeries: She's a Sticky Fingered Filcher
Title: Vera (2/7)
Author: Toxic Corn
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: Post Objects in Space
Summary: “Mal’s gonna kill me.”
Disclaimer: All the characters are belong to Joss.
Author's Note: Katsqueaks is entirely to blame for this one. She requested it, she got it, and she had to beta it. NYAH! Previous part can be found here.
Jayne blinked himself awake and stretched, letting out a rumbling purr. Naps right after lunch were the best kind. ‘Cept maybe for naps right after breakfast. Or dinner. Or a light snack. Smacking his lips, he pulled down the blanket concealing his gun collection and froze.
There was a big, empty, Vera-shaped space on his wall. He only allowed the horror of the situation take over for a moment before mentally running through his small list of suspects.
Who was stealthy enough to get into his bunk, climb over him, and grab his gun without waking him up? And who had the lack of personal boundaries to do it?
“Gorram girl,” Jayne growled, stuffing his feet into his boots. “Should leave her at the next port we come to. That’ll learn ‘er not to steal folks’ guns.”
After slamming angrily out of his bunk, Jayne started checking all the places the girl usually lurked. The bridge (“AHHHHH! Don’t slam in here like- okay, bye?”), the mess (“Well, Jayne, we already served lunch and dinner isn’t for anoth- hey!”), the infirmary (“Can I help you with… something…?”), the common area, the cargo bay. Her room. No girl.
As he slid her door shut, Jayne allowed the niggling little thought that had been squashed in favor of his anger to speak up.
That itty, bitty crazy girl was running loose with Vera. A very large and very deadly gun.
“Ta ma de.” Jayne ran a hand over his face. “Mal’s gonna kill me.”
Never mind that it wasn’t his fault. Since Jayne was the one with all his marbles in his head, he’d be the one to blame when the moonbrain started gunnin’ down the crew while babblin’ about ducks or something.
Grumbling, he started to head back to the mess to tell Mal everything when he bumped into Kaylee, who was carrying a tray of cookies.
“Oops! Sorry, Jayne,” Kaylee chirped and moved on.
Mal’s killin’ him could wait a few seconds, right? Besides, once they all heard gunfire, they’d know what was goin’ on.
“I didn’t know we had cookies,” Jayne said, sniffing. He started to jog after the mechanic. “Where ya goin’?”
“Me ‘n River are havin’ a tea party in ‘Nara’s shuttle.”
Jayne’s eyes narrowed. “Really now?”
“Uh huh. I’d invite ya, but now boys allowed.”
“What?!”
“River said.” Kaylee shrugged. “You could prolly peek in and say ‘hi’ if you wanted.”
“I think I’ll do that. You know, just to be polite.”
Kaylee smiled, seeing right through him. “Uh-huh.”
They made it to Inara’s shuttle and as soon as Jayne stepped foot inside, his jaw hit the ground.
Inara had arranged some cushions around a little table and River was pouring the tea with a sweet look of concentration on her face. He noticed that she had her wild hair pulled back out of her face for once and she was all manner of shiny, but then he noticed that River wasn’t pouring tea for herself or Inara or Kaylee.
Balanced on one of the cushions was Vera. Wearing Mal’s floral bonnet.
“You like two sugars, right Vera?” River asked the gun politely.
“What!” Jayne exploded.
Everyone jumped in surprise.
“What the hell is goin’ on here? Is everyone out of their ruttin’ mind?”
Kaylee set her tray on the table and lowered herself onto a cushion. “We’re havin’ a tea party, Jayne. I told ya.” She smiled and held out her cup for River to fill.
“You didn’t say my gorram gun was the guest of honor!” He glared at Inara. “Didn’t Mal say she wasn’t s’posed to be touchin’ guns? How does lettin’ her play dress-up with one o’ mine seem like a good idea?!”
Inara gave him an icy look. “I assumed that you knew. How else could she have gotten it?”
Damn it. He wasn’t about to admit that a girl had crawled all over him and he’d managed to stay asleep. So he settled for glowering at the tea table.
“It ain’t loaded, Jayne,” Kaylee said. “And Cap’n knows Vera’s here anyway.”
Jayne jerked, looking thunderstruck. “He does?”
Kaylee nodded at the bonnet. “We had to borrow that, after all.”
“Ask first before you take,” River recited, passing Inara the cookie tray.
“You didn’t ask me before takin’ Vera!”
“She asked. There was no answer. She interpreted his silence as acquiescence.”
“I was asleep!”
River frowned at him. “No boys are allowed at my tea party. He is not invited.”
Jayne felt a little pang of hurt but covered it up with emotions more familiar to him. He folded his arms and planted his feet stubbornly. “I ain’t leavin’ without Vera.”
“She ain’t leavin’ without her fill o’ tea ‘n cookies,” River responded in kind, further rankling him.
“C’mon Jayne, you’re spoilin’ the fun,” Kaylee said in a little voice.
River’s eyes went glassy as she stared at him and she tilted her head to the side. Jayne frowned and took a step forward. “Girl?”
“River dear, are you alright?” Inara placed a hand on River’s shoulder in concern. “I can call Mal and he’ll make Jayne go away.”
“No, she wants him to stay.”
Everyone blinked in surprise.
“Vera,” River clarified. “She says that even though he has man parts, he has a girl’s name and that’s adequate enough to attend a girl’s tea party.”
“I don’t want a damn tea party, I want my gun!”
But he still took a seat between Vera and River and when offered the cookies, he eagerly grabbed four off the plate and shoved one whole into his mouth.
“His manners are deplorable,” River said, flatly.
“Wha?” Jayne sprayed crumbs through the air, making Kaylee giggle and nearly snot out her tea while Inara sighed in exasperation.
River’s eyes twinkled at him and Jayne found himself smiling back. Until she leaned across him to whisper to Vera, “It’s alright. We’ll teach him.”
END
Previous < Hat and Coat : Next > Umbrella
Title: Vera (2/7)
Author: Toxic Corn
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: Post Objects in Space
Summary: “Mal’s gonna kill me.”
Disclaimer: All the characters are belong to Joss.
Author's Note: Katsqueaks is entirely to blame for this one. She requested it, she got it, and she had to beta it. NYAH! Previous part can be found here.
Jayne blinked himself awake and stretched, letting out a rumbling purr. Naps right after lunch were the best kind. ‘Cept maybe for naps right after breakfast. Or dinner. Or a light snack. Smacking his lips, he pulled down the blanket concealing his gun collection and froze.
There was a big, empty, Vera-shaped space on his wall. He only allowed the horror of the situation take over for a moment before mentally running through his small list of suspects.
Who was stealthy enough to get into his bunk, climb over him, and grab his gun without waking him up? And who had the lack of personal boundaries to do it?
“Gorram girl,” Jayne growled, stuffing his feet into his boots. “Should leave her at the next port we come to. That’ll learn ‘er not to steal folks’ guns.”
After slamming angrily out of his bunk, Jayne started checking all the places the girl usually lurked. The bridge (“AHHHHH! Don’t slam in here like- okay, bye?”), the mess (“Well, Jayne, we already served lunch and dinner isn’t for anoth- hey!”), the infirmary (“Can I help you with… something…?”), the common area, the cargo bay. Her room. No girl.
As he slid her door shut, Jayne allowed the niggling little thought that had been squashed in favor of his anger to speak up.
That itty, bitty crazy girl was running loose with Vera. A very large and very deadly gun.
“Ta ma de.” Jayne ran a hand over his face. “Mal’s gonna kill me.”
Never mind that it wasn’t his fault. Since Jayne was the one with all his marbles in his head, he’d be the one to blame when the moonbrain started gunnin’ down the crew while babblin’ about ducks or something.
Grumbling, he started to head back to the mess to tell Mal everything when he bumped into Kaylee, who was carrying a tray of cookies.
“Oops! Sorry, Jayne,” Kaylee chirped and moved on.
Mal’s killin’ him could wait a few seconds, right? Besides, once they all heard gunfire, they’d know what was goin’ on.
“I didn’t know we had cookies,” Jayne said, sniffing. He started to jog after the mechanic. “Where ya goin’?”
“Me ‘n River are havin’ a tea party in ‘Nara’s shuttle.”
Jayne’s eyes narrowed. “Really now?”
“Uh huh. I’d invite ya, but now boys allowed.”
“What?!”
“River said.” Kaylee shrugged. “You could prolly peek in and say ‘hi’ if you wanted.”
“I think I’ll do that. You know, just to be polite.”
Kaylee smiled, seeing right through him. “Uh-huh.”
They made it to Inara’s shuttle and as soon as Jayne stepped foot inside, his jaw hit the ground.
Inara had arranged some cushions around a little table and River was pouring the tea with a sweet look of concentration on her face. He noticed that she had her wild hair pulled back out of her face for once and she was all manner of shiny, but then he noticed that River wasn’t pouring tea for herself or Inara or Kaylee.
Balanced on one of the cushions was Vera. Wearing Mal’s floral bonnet.
“You like two sugars, right Vera?” River asked the gun politely.
“What!” Jayne exploded.
Everyone jumped in surprise.
“What the hell is goin’ on here? Is everyone out of their ruttin’ mind?”
Kaylee set her tray on the table and lowered herself onto a cushion. “We’re havin’ a tea party, Jayne. I told ya.” She smiled and held out her cup for River to fill.
“You didn’t say my gorram gun was the guest of honor!” He glared at Inara. “Didn’t Mal say she wasn’t s’posed to be touchin’ guns? How does lettin’ her play dress-up with one o’ mine seem like a good idea?!”
Inara gave him an icy look. “I assumed that you knew. How else could she have gotten it?”
Damn it. He wasn’t about to admit that a girl had crawled all over him and he’d managed to stay asleep. So he settled for glowering at the tea table.
“It ain’t loaded, Jayne,” Kaylee said. “And Cap’n knows Vera’s here anyway.”
Jayne jerked, looking thunderstruck. “He does?”
Kaylee nodded at the bonnet. “We had to borrow that, after all.”
“Ask first before you take,” River recited, passing Inara the cookie tray.
“You didn’t ask me before takin’ Vera!”
“She asked. There was no answer. She interpreted his silence as acquiescence.”
“I was asleep!”
River frowned at him. “No boys are allowed at my tea party. He is not invited.”
Jayne felt a little pang of hurt but covered it up with emotions more familiar to him. He folded his arms and planted his feet stubbornly. “I ain’t leavin’ without Vera.”
“She ain’t leavin’ without her fill o’ tea ‘n cookies,” River responded in kind, further rankling him.
“C’mon Jayne, you’re spoilin’ the fun,” Kaylee said in a little voice.
River’s eyes went glassy as she stared at him and she tilted her head to the side. Jayne frowned and took a step forward. “Girl?”
“River dear, are you alright?” Inara placed a hand on River’s shoulder in concern. “I can call Mal and he’ll make Jayne go away.”
“No, she wants him to stay.”
Everyone blinked in surprise.
“Vera,” River clarified. “She says that even though he has man parts, he has a girl’s name and that’s adequate enough to attend a girl’s tea party.”
“I don’t want a damn tea party, I want my gun!”
But he still took a seat between Vera and River and when offered the cookies, he eagerly grabbed four off the plate and shoved one whole into his mouth.
“His manners are deplorable,” River said, flatly.
“Wha?” Jayne sprayed crumbs through the air, making Kaylee giggle and nearly snot out her tea while Inara sighed in exasperation.
River’s eyes twinkled at him and Jayne found himself smiling back. Until she leaned across him to whisper to Vera, “It’s alright. We’ll teach him.”
END
Previous < Hat and Coat : Next > Umbrella
