toxic_corn | Day Break/BSC Crossover fic: Your Boyfriend Snorts Cocaine: Chapter 10

Series: Your Boyfriend Snorts Cocaine, Mary Anne
Title: Chapter 10 (10/12)
Authors:

nutmeg610
Disclaimer: Chad and Mary Anne belong to ABC, Ann M. Martin, and Scholastic Books repsectively. We humbly apologize for this.
Summary: Mary Anne has left Stoneybrook behind to attend UCLA. She loves living with Dawn and Tigger, working at a local day care, and spending time with Logan. But lately Logan's been changing and not for the better. What will happen when Logan's erratic behavior gets to be too much and the older LAPD officer starts getting closer?!
Notes: Sorry for the dreadful summary; I was going for a style. This is a Day Break/Baby-Sitter's Club crossover fic we dreamed up one night because we're insane. If you're brave enough to give this a try, good on you. And if you avoid it, well, we understand. :)

Um... guys? Don't hate us, okay?

Catch up on earlier chapters at the organizational post.

CHAPTER TEN

Hey, Kristy, it’s Dawn. Could you call Mary Anne the first chance you get? She’s going to need to hear a friendly voice. Um, she’ll tell you why. Thanks, bye.

- voice mail message from Dawn Schafer to Kristy Thomas

Chad stirred awake and reached out for Mary Anne. When his hand met cold sheets, he sat up in alarm.

“Mary Anne?” He looked around the room in panic but relaxed when he saw her clothes from the night before still scattered on the floor. His girl may have been growing in confidence but she certainly wasn’t an exhibitionist willing to walk around LA naked or anything.

Climbing out of bed, he pulled on his boxer shorts and started looking for her. He drew a blank when his admittedly small apartment revealed no Mary Anne. But then movement drew his eye; the curtains to the patio had just fluttered, meaning the door was open.

He found her out there, dressed in his shirt and curled up in one of the chairs. She was wearing her reading glasses, highlighting a passage in one of her textbooks, a steaming mug of tea next to her foot on the coffee table. The scene was so sweet and domestic he took a moment to appreciate it before saying anything.

“Hey, what are you doing out here this early?”

Startled, she jumped. “Oh! I have a test next week and I haven’t finished the reading yet.” She looked around at the sun drenched city and smiled. “It was so pretty out here, I couldn’t resist.”

He dropped a kiss onto the top of her head, adoring her. “What class is the test in?”

“Nutrition.” She looked up at him with mock seriousness. “Did you know that fruits and vegetables play an important role in a well-balanced diet?”

“I had no idea,” he laughed, gazing at her lovingly. “I’m glad I have you to tell me these things.”

“I’ve seen what’s in your fridge. Honestly, it’s a wonder you’re still alive.” She gave him a teasing look and highlighted another section of her book.

Chad leaned on the back of her chair. “Now, what’s that supposed to mean? You think I’m in bad shape? I haven’t heard any complaints from you before.”

She looked up at him, quick to reassure him. “Just that you could stand to take care of yourself a little better. I didn’t mean that you were…” She frowned, then relaxed, swatting his chest. “Don’t tease me like that.”

He chuckled. “How should I tease you then?”

“Like…” She thought about it. “I was going to say ‘not at all’ but then you wouldn’t be Chad anymore.”

“And you wouldn’t be Mary Anne unless you protested being teased.” He knelt down to wrap his arms around her from behind, nuzzling her behind her ear. “I love you, Mary Anne.”

She froze.

Confused, Chad pulled away a little. “Uh, Mary Anne? Sweetheart?”

“I…” She scrambled out of the chair, looking like a deer in the headlights. “I…”

“What? I mean, I understand if you’re not there yet…” The thought stung a little but yeah, he understood. “But I, uh, am…. So I had to tell you.”

“I should be… I don’t…” She started gathering up her school supplies and headed into the apartment.

He followed after her. “Whoa, wait….” She’d moved into the bedroom, where she was gathering her clothes from the floor. “What are you doing?”

“This is… I…” She was clearly trying to pull herself together, even as she pulled up her skirt.

“What?” Chad asked again, starting to get worried. “Tell me, what’s wrong?”

“This is too much,” she said, trembling.

“It’s…” He paused, trying to figure out what to say. “I know it’s sudden, I get that, but it’s the truth. I love you. Just because it’s sudden doesn’t mean it’s too much to take, does it?”

“It kind of does, yeah. It’s…” She paused to swallow. “It’s a little overwhelming, Chad.”

“Okay, I get that. Um, why don’t we just take a breath and you can tell me what’s going on in that head of yours, because you’re looking a little sick now.”

“I feel a little….” She sat down shakily on the bed, twisting her t-shirt in her hands.

Chad sat beside her and hesitated before sliding his arm around her shoulders. “Look, I didn’t mean to put you on the spot. I don’t expect you to say the same if it’s not what you feel-”

“Please don’t,” she interrupted, her eyes wide. “I’m sorry but I can’t… I can’t think when you do that.”

“Do what? What am I doing?”

She shrugged his arm off. “That.”

Chad took a deep breath, slowly getting pissed. “Ok, fine. Arm’s off you, now talk to me.”

“Please don’t get mad,” she said, seeing his anger.

“Well, it’s just- I’m not mad, I just wanna know why it looks like you’re about to blow chunks all over my floor.”

“It’s moving too fast, I don’t want to get trapped again!” she squeaked. Her eyes widened when she realized what she said.

Shock and anger prevented him from saying anything for a moment. “Trapped? Is that what you think I’m doing? Trapping you by saying I love you?”

She looked at him guiltily. “No, I know that’s not what you’re doing, I didn’t mean that.”

“Well then how?”

Mary Anne shook her head, frustrated. “I just mean that… maybe we should slow down. See a little less of each other.”

“See less—” His eyes went wide. “Okay, what’s the problem here, really? I can’t believe that it’s just that this is too fast. I mean, I’m not pressuring you to say it back or anything.”

“Chad… can we please not do this? I need to go.”

“Oh, so that’s it? Taking off like this whole thing means nothing?” he snapped.

Mary Anne seemed shocked by that being the conclusion he’d drawn. “I think we’re both getting upset and I should leave before either of us says something we don’t mean.”

“What? Like how I’m trapping you? You didn’t mean that at all?”

“Chad,” she said warningly.

“You know, just because I said I love you doesn’t make me the same as Huckleberry Hound. I’m not like him, okay?”

“God, that’s for sure.” She got up to leave but he grabbed her arm, tugging her back.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It’s supposed to mean that you’ve made me your world! Don’t you see that? Say what you will about Logan but at least he had a life!” She trembled, eyes widening in horror over what she’d said. But she didn’t exactly go rushing to take the words back, either.

Chad stared at her, stunned. “He has a life, huh? Right. A life full of drugs. You know what I think? I think you were only with him because you pitied him. I’ve seen it before. You’re a nurturer, Mary Anne, and you wanted to save him. But you’re finding you can’t do that with me, because I don’t need to be saved, and I never will.”

Her eyes narrowed. “Don’t speak to me like that.”

“Like what?” He smiled arrogantly. “Don’t tell you what you already know but won’t admit to yourself?”

“Don’t condescend to me,” she hissed. “You know nothing about me and Logan. He wasn’t always like he is now. In a lot of ways, he was like you!”

That startled him for a moment. It was easier to just think of Huck as a druggie unworthy of Mary Anne, not the nice kid he’d no doubt been to attract a girl like her. “Oh yeah, well who he was and who he is now are two different things. And why don’t you explain to me exactly what you think I have in common with him?”

“I know who he is now and what he was are two different things,” she said quietly, looking away from him. “I don’t… I don’t want to talk about Logan anymore, I just want to go home.”

“That’s what you want. To run away from something good. Why don’t you just say it? You think this relationship will turn out like that one. Not all relationships are the same.” His anger faded to a painful melancholy. “I thought I could show you that.”

“Chad… no, I wasn’t… I don’t want to break up!” She grabbed his hand, giving it a squeeze. “I just want a little breathing room is all.”

“To do what?” he asked, exasperated. “What do you need time and ‘breathing room’ to think about?” Her eyes filled with tears and he looked away. “Don’t. I can’t- Why can’t you just tell me? Why do we have to dance around and argue?”

“I have told you,” she said, sounding frustrated. “I’m not very good at expressing myself because… I’m not used to this.”

“To what? Being with someone who actually listens to you?” He looked back at her, eyes pleading. “I know you don’t want to talk about him anymore but everything seems to lead back to him anyway. You can talk to me about anything.”

“I’m not used to baring my soul to people.” She started to shake again. “It’s just so hard to be with you sometimes, Chad! I always feel like I’m saying the wrong thing or… or doing the wrong thing and then you get so upset and I feel awful that I can’t be what you need!” She burst into anguished crying, hiding her face in her hands.

It made his chest ache to see her like that and he was reaching out to her but stopped himself before he touched her. “You’re everything I need, Mary Anne. You seem to be under the impression that you’re my world and you’re not that far off. And I’m sorry if it’s hard for you, but you can’t do anything wrong with me, okay? If I get upset over something, you just call me on it. Everyone knows I’m an ass anyways, but your opinion is the only one I care about.”

“Then why is it so awful to ask for a little room to breathe?” Mary Anne took a sobbing breath. “I’m not saying that I never want to see you again, you know.”

“It’s not that it’s awful, it’s just that you won’t tell me why and—” He paused and pictured Rita, standing in the doorway that last time. It’s just a trial separation, Chad. We’ll give it a try and… see what happens, okay? A few weeks later, he was signing divorce papers. God, the same thing was happening all over again. Maybe he should just face up to it. “You know what? Okay, you want room, you got it.”

She sniffled. “Chad?”

“What.”

“What do you mean? Are you…? Are you breaking up with me?”

“No.” You already did that, or at least you’re going to. “I’m doing what you wanted.”

“Oh.” She thought about that for a second. “We can still go out on weekends but I should probably stop staying over here so often. Dawn’s been asking when I’m going to start paying you rent.”

Chad laughed mirthlessly. “Did she now?” His smile dropped. “Let’s just see how it goes. I may not- I mean, I may be busy… with things… weekend things.”

“Please don’t do this.” She knelt down in front of him, trying to force him to look at her. “I just need the room because I’m feeling overwhelmed, that’s all! I’m not… I’m not thinking of leaving you or anything! I don’t understand why you don’t believe me!”

He stood up and moved away. “It’s not that I don’t believe you, it’s just… I’m not sure what you want me to do. Wait around for you to decide we should go out sometime but not spend the night together? How is that a relationship? Wouldn’t that just be a friendship? Christ, we may as well end it since that’s what you’re doing; you’re just wrapping a bunch of fancy words around it.”

“… I didn’t realize you valued the physical part of our relationship so highly above the rest.” She grabbed her bag and started angrily cramming her school things into it. “That’s so… that’s so…”

“Oh, don’t even!” Chad snapped. “That’s not what I meant and you should know that. Spending the night with you, holding you in my arms and listening to you breathe as you sleep, that’s what I value. When you try to tickle me awake in the mornings and I hear you giggling, that’s the stuff I value. And yeah, I value the physical part too, but you’re making it sound like all you need me for is to take you out to a movie or dinner and other things where I don’t get to see that side of you I love the most. When we’re alone; that’s when you’re the Mary Anne I love.”

“I tickle you and giggle outside of bed, too! Remember all the dates leading up to the physical stuff? You’re describing intimacy Chad, and we can still have that, even if I don’t spend the night here every night of the week!”

He shook his head. “Okay, fine. Whatever you want,” he said sarcastically. “You call the shots. I’ll just be here waiting for you to feel like calling me, then.”

“This is pointless, isn’t it?”

“What is?”

“What do you want me to do? Just…” She dropped her bag, holding her arms out in surrender. “Fine. I take it back, okay? I don’t want breathing room. I’ll keep quiet while I feel overwhelmed until finally I can’t take it anymore and leave you. Would you prefer that?” She tightened her fists in frustration. “God, I wasn’t saying that I’d never sleep with you again, just that it wouldn’t be every night of the week!”

Chad crossed his arms. “That’s not what this is about, but you seem to be focusing on it so much, maybe you think that’s all this is. I don’t want to be used, okay? I don’t want to wait like your puppy dog for you to call me. I’m not like that. And no, I don’t want you to keep quiet, which is why I said you can tell me anything, and have been trying to get you to open up to me. You’re the one who’s bottling everything up inside and leaving me in the dark. But you know what? Let’s just stop this fight right now and go our separate ways. Because I think we’ve said all there is to say.”

She’d looked ready to rebut everything he’d said but sagged a little at his final words, looking sick. “… so that’s it?”

“Yeah, I guess so,” he said quietly and looked away.

“But…” She stood in place, stunned. After several moments, she went into the bathroom, gathering up her toiletries like a sleepwalker and came back to the bedroom to stuff them in her bag. Crying quietly, she went through his dresser to get some clothes she’d left there for when she stayed over.

“You can let yourself out,” Chad said and locked himself in the bathroom.

Mary Anne finished gathering her things and stumbled to the front door. Talk to him about anything, huh? Just so long as it wasn’t a discussion about getting some time alone to gather herself together, get her feelings straight. Why couldn’t she have just told him that? Well, for the reason she gave him: He was overwhelming; everything she said always came out wrong.

It didn’t mean she wanted to let him go, though.

Outside, she shut the door and everything in her arms spilled to the ground. She sank down in the middle of the mess and sobbed into her drawn up knees.

In the bathroom, Chad lowered the toilet lid and sank down onto it. He looked at the tub, noting how empty it looked without her shower gel and shampoo bottles lined along the edge. The countertop seemed naked without her makeup stacked neatly there, next to her hairbrush.

He lowered his head into his hands.

< Interlude 3 : Chapter Eleven >