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toxic_cornBecause it won the poll, the next fic commentary is for Girl Anachronism.
Disclaimer and explanation for this story can be found here
Chapter One
Welcome to the commentary for Girl Anachronism. I got the idea for this story long before I actually wrote it. I was in the middle of writing Persephone and I thought about how that particular incarnation of Jayne was so different from the She’s A Sticky–Fingered Filcher/Where in the Verse is River Tam/Songs from a Firefly version. And I wondered what would happen if Nettie “Daddy’s Girl” Cobb got to meet mean!Jayne. And here’s what happened.
“Well if you’re comin’, come on,” Jayne growled, waving his hand impatiently at River Tam. He had better things to do with his time than wait around on a girl who thought it was more appropriate to braid her hair than come along with him on a boring ass mission to pick up supplies.
And the bickering begins! Although I have to say that I sympathize more with Jayne. Too often I’m the one ready to go and everyone else is lagging, checking their hair or whatever. Of course, I’m usually in such a hurry that I forget a million things…
“It’s only fifteen extra seconds,” the girl snapped back, securing her hair with a length of pale pink ribbon.
“That’s fifteen seconds we could be on our way,” Jayne argued, folding his arms.
River rolled her eyes. “So we’ll run the whole way back to make up the difference.” She pushed past him and led the way out to the cargo bay.
“I ain’t that fanatical about it.”
“Then stop being so grumpy.”
“Who’s grumpy?!”
“You are!”
“I ain’t no such-”
“Hey!” Mal looked up from conferring with Zoe. “You two keep that up, I’ll have someone else go get supplies.”
“Okay,” River and Jayne said.
My own attempt at the “You wanna run this ship?”/”Yes!” joke from the BDM. I’m sure these kind of statements give Mal trouble a lot.
Mal blinked. “And you can stay here and empty out the septic vac.”
“Hell, Mal, me ‘n Moonie was just playin’ anyway, right?” Jayne nudged the girl with his shoulder, knocking her back a step.
“Yes, girly man,” she said through clenched teeth.
Both of them scowled each other.
“Can you just feel the love in the air?” Mal asked no one in particular. “Kaylee!”
The mechanic was walking down the ramp, holding a folding chair. “Yeah, Cap’n?”
“Remember only to take the names of pilots who have five references. I mean it.” Mal adjusted his holster and nodded at Zoe, indicating he was ready to go. “And use your best judgment this time.”
“I always use my best judgment,” Kaylee said, stung.
Mal raised his eyebrows and watched River and Jayne walk away, still bickering.
“That’s just mean.” Kaylee frowned.
“We’ll be back in an hour. Doc! Your sister’s gone and left without you!”
Simon stumbled out, fighting to get into his jacket and dropped an absent-minded kiss onto Kaylee’s forehead. “All right, all right, I’ll- River! Will you please wait?!” He went tearing off after them, still struggling with his jacket.
Simon doesn’t seem to be all that bumbly but I couldn’t resist making him that way. Maybe all the Kaylee lovin’ he’s been getting has made him clumsy and Dick Van Dyke-esque.
“Okay. Let’s go get some work done.” Mal and Zoe took off down the street, leaving Kaylee behind to sit and fume.
Use your best judgment this time. Simon, River, and Shepherd Book had been good passengers! Just because she wasn’t automatically suspicious of folk and chose to see the good in a body didn’t mean she didn’t have good judg-
“Is he mad?”
Pssst. She’s not talking about Mal. ;)
Surprised, Kaylee looked up at the little girl who had just interrupted her inner monologue. Pretty little thing, though her face could use some washing and her long, dark braids were coming undone.
“Who? Oh!” She glanced down the street where Mal and Zoe were just specks in the distance. Way to go, Captain, scaring little girls. “No, sweetie of course not.”
The little girl looked skeptically worried. “But he said-”
“He don’t always mean what he says.” Kaylee smiled reassuringly but only got a hard stare in response. Her smile slowly faded and she glanced around the dock, hoping the girl’s mother would come along and lead her off somewhere. Those blue eyes of hers were pretty but having them focused on her for so long without so much as a blink was making her real uncomfortable.
Nettie has unknowingly inherited the Creepy Tam gene.
“Maybe I’ll just go for a walk,” the girl said, finally. She glanced up at the ship uncertainly and then back at Kaylee.
“Okay, hon,” Kaylee managed after a moment.
The little girl backed up, staring at the ship. She mouthed the name and started frowning harder, then turned and dashed off.
Kaylee shivered. That girl had almost been like River when she’d first come on board.
~*~
“We got everything, Captain,” River announced as she and Jayne walked up the ramp, each carrying two bags. Simon struggled with the one bag he had but smiled at Kaylee as he passed her.
Again with the Simon physical comedy. I really don’t know why I did that but it bugs me now.
“Good. You know where it goes.” Mal turned back to Kaylee. “These all the names you got?”
“Yes, sir. That first one on there seems like the best. Five references and I had some time to go on the cortex. Graduated first in his flight class.”
“Did he?” Mal looked down at the list she’d handed him. “Kenneth Boggs…”
Kenneth Boggs, also known as Kenny, is a character I made up who terrorized the Rayne ship in the summer of ’06 when I kept writing these Five fics. Good ol’ Kenny never made an appearance in this series but I felt like giving the interloper a shout out. A few people got the reference but then were wary of me and the story.
Zoe slapped the button that closed the doors. “We ready to get gone?”
“Just about. Albatross! Once you got that stuff put away, I need you on the bridge.”
Every time I see “Albatross!” I think of the Monty Python sketch with John Cleese holding the treat box at the theatre and bellowing “ALBATROSS!” You know, this sketch here.
“Yes, Captain!”
Mal smiled. It was nice to have things go right for once.
Don’t get used to the feeling Mal. I like using the “famous last words” thing. Anytime someone says “things are going well” they must be forced to eat crow.
~*~
Yawning, River put Serenity on autopilot. She hadn’t slept much the night before and today had been tiring in a number of ways.
She scowled. Next time they had to go for supplies, she’d request that Jayne not come along. He’d found different things to complain about the whole trip into town and had managed to pick fight after fight with Simon. Hadn’t Simon always been the one to tell her not to engage when others would tease her? Well, people seldom followed their own advice.
Ready for her nap, River slid her door open and froze when she looked at her bed.
~*~
Jayne moved one of his pieces on the board. “Go.”
Mal stared at the board.
“I said ‘go.’”
“And I heard ya, I’m just studyin’ my options.”
Jayne snorted.
“What’s got you in such a funk?” Kaylee asked. “You've been actin’ meaner than usual all day.”
“I ain’t in a funk!” Jayne protested. “Why’s everyone keep sayin’ that?”
"Because it's true?" Mal suggested, raising an eyebrow.
"It ain't-"
"Someone's been sleeping in my bed."
They all turned as one to the doorway where River stood with a stunned expression on her face.
"The hell are you on about this time, crazy?" Jayne snapped.
"See?" Kaylee pointed at him. "Funk!"
Just now I read that as “Fuck!” and was all set to exclaim “WHY THE HELL DID I MAKE KAYLEE SAY SOMETHING SO UNKAYLEE-LIKE?!” Then I actually used my reading comprehension skills. Heh. Whoops.
"I'm not-"
"Someone's been sleeping in my bed." River paused, letting this sink in. "And the someone in question is still sleeping in my bed. She's quite dirty and I think she's staining the sheets."
Mal leapt up. "You mean we got a stowaway?!"
"A she?" Jayne stood up as well, nearly toppling his chair in his eagerness. "Lead the way, Goldilocks."
I like how Jayne naturally assumes the stowaway’s going to be a pin-up model. But since ugly people don’t seem to really exist in the future, I guess he’s right to expect as such.
"River ain't blonde, Jayne," Kaylee said, following the men and River as they all went down to the passenger dorms.
"Well, I know that! It's just that she said someone was sleepin' in her bed and Goldilocks says that in the story."
"That ain't how the story goes, Jayne," Mal said. "Goldilocks is the one sleepin' in the bed and Baby Bear's the one to find her."
I’m also a fan of inane arguments. Like on Buffy when the Trio argued over who the best James Bond was. When really, at that point the question was moot since Daniel Craig hadn’t joined the franchise yet.
With a frustrated huff, Jayne threw his arms in the air. "Forget it, it was s'posed to be a joke anyhow and if none o' you wants ta laugh, fine. I'll just keep it to myself and you can just-"
"Were you going to get to the shutting up anytime soon?" Mal asked, hopefully. They'd reached the passenger dorms and River slid her door open and stepped back.
As much as I love River and Jayne, Mal is probably my favorite character. Possibly one of my most favorite characters ever. He’s got so much going on in his head and also he makes excellent remarks.
"There she is," River said, pointing.
Jayne, Mal, and Kaylee all leaned forward, peering through the doorway.
"Oh. She's a kid," Jayne said, sounding disappointed.
Sorry, Jayne. No pin-up model.
Kaylee gasped. "I know her! I saw her today when ya'll left on your errands. When did she get on board?"
"Hey!" Mal called softly to the slumbering child. "Girl! C'mon now, rise and shine."
The girl stirred and blinked awake slowly. "Hmmm?" She sat up sluggishly and looked at the grownups in the doorway a moment before her eyes locked on Jayne and she said, "Hi, Daddy. Are you still mad at me?"
"Daddy?"
"Daddy?"
"Daddy?!"
River smirked. "Papa Bear?"
River should always get the last word. I think that’s also another one of my unofficial writer rules.
Disclaimer and explanation for this story can be found here
Welcome to the commentary for Girl Anachronism. I got the idea for this story long before I actually wrote it. I was in the middle of writing Persephone and I thought about how that particular incarnation of Jayne was so different from the She’s A Sticky–Fingered Filcher/Where in the Verse is River Tam/Songs from a Firefly version. And I wondered what would happen if Nettie “Daddy’s Girl” Cobb got to meet mean!Jayne. And here’s what happened.
“Well if you’re comin’, come on,” Jayne growled, waving his hand impatiently at River Tam. He had better things to do with his time than wait around on a girl who thought it was more appropriate to braid her hair than come along with him on a boring ass mission to pick up supplies.
And the bickering begins! Although I have to say that I sympathize more with Jayne. Too often I’m the one ready to go and everyone else is lagging, checking their hair or whatever. Of course, I’m usually in such a hurry that I forget a million things…
“It’s only fifteen extra seconds,” the girl snapped back, securing her hair with a length of pale pink ribbon.
“That’s fifteen seconds we could be on our way,” Jayne argued, folding his arms.
River rolled her eyes. “So we’ll run the whole way back to make up the difference.” She pushed past him and led the way out to the cargo bay.
“I ain’t that fanatical about it.”
“Then stop being so grumpy.”
“Who’s grumpy?!”
“You are!”
“I ain’t no such-”
“Hey!” Mal looked up from conferring with Zoe. “You two keep that up, I’ll have someone else go get supplies.”
“Okay,” River and Jayne said.
My own attempt at the “You wanna run this ship?”/”Yes!” joke from the BDM. I’m sure these kind of statements give Mal trouble a lot.
Mal blinked. “And you can stay here and empty out the septic vac.”
“Hell, Mal, me ‘n Moonie was just playin’ anyway, right?” Jayne nudged the girl with his shoulder, knocking her back a step.
“Yes, girly man,” she said through clenched teeth.
Both of them scowled each other.
“Can you just feel the love in the air?” Mal asked no one in particular. “Kaylee!”
The mechanic was walking down the ramp, holding a folding chair. “Yeah, Cap’n?”
“Remember only to take the names of pilots who have five references. I mean it.” Mal adjusted his holster and nodded at Zoe, indicating he was ready to go. “And use your best judgment this time.”
“I always use my best judgment,” Kaylee said, stung.
Mal raised his eyebrows and watched River and Jayne walk away, still bickering.
“That’s just mean.” Kaylee frowned.
“We’ll be back in an hour. Doc! Your sister’s gone and left without you!”
Simon stumbled out, fighting to get into his jacket and dropped an absent-minded kiss onto Kaylee’s forehead. “All right, all right, I’ll- River! Will you please wait?!” He went tearing off after them, still struggling with his jacket.
Simon doesn’t seem to be all that bumbly but I couldn’t resist making him that way. Maybe all the Kaylee lovin’ he’s been getting has made him clumsy and Dick Van Dyke-esque.
“Okay. Let’s go get some work done.” Mal and Zoe took off down the street, leaving Kaylee behind to sit and fume.
Use your best judgment this time. Simon, River, and Shepherd Book had been good passengers! Just because she wasn’t automatically suspicious of folk and chose to see the good in a body didn’t mean she didn’t have good judg-
“Is he mad?”
Pssst. She’s not talking about Mal. ;)
Surprised, Kaylee looked up at the little girl who had just interrupted her inner monologue. Pretty little thing, though her face could use some washing and her long, dark braids were coming undone.
“Who? Oh!” She glanced down the street where Mal and Zoe were just specks in the distance. Way to go, Captain, scaring little girls. “No, sweetie of course not.”
The little girl looked skeptically worried. “But he said-”
“He don’t always mean what he says.” Kaylee smiled reassuringly but only got a hard stare in response. Her smile slowly faded and she glanced around the dock, hoping the girl’s mother would come along and lead her off somewhere. Those blue eyes of hers were pretty but having them focused on her for so long without so much as a blink was making her real uncomfortable.
Nettie has unknowingly inherited the Creepy Tam gene.
“Maybe I’ll just go for a walk,” the girl said, finally. She glanced up at the ship uncertainly and then back at Kaylee.
“Okay, hon,” Kaylee managed after a moment.
The little girl backed up, staring at the ship. She mouthed the name and started frowning harder, then turned and dashed off.
Kaylee shivered. That girl had almost been like River when she’d first come on board.
“We got everything, Captain,” River announced as she and Jayne walked up the ramp, each carrying two bags. Simon struggled with the one bag he had but smiled at Kaylee as he passed her.
Again with the Simon physical comedy. I really don’t know why I did that but it bugs me now.
“Good. You know where it goes.” Mal turned back to Kaylee. “These all the names you got?”
“Yes, sir. That first one on there seems like the best. Five references and I had some time to go on the cortex. Graduated first in his flight class.”
“Did he?” Mal looked down at the list she’d handed him. “Kenneth Boggs…”
Kenneth Boggs, also known as Kenny, is a character I made up who terrorized the Rayne ship in the summer of ’06 when I kept writing these Five fics. Good ol’ Kenny never made an appearance in this series but I felt like giving the interloper a shout out. A few people got the reference but then were wary of me and the story.
Zoe slapped the button that closed the doors. “We ready to get gone?”
“Just about. Albatross! Once you got that stuff put away, I need you on the bridge.”
Every time I see “Albatross!” I think of the Monty Python sketch with John Cleese holding the treat box at the theatre and bellowing “ALBATROSS!” You know, this sketch here.
“Yes, Captain!”
Mal smiled. It was nice to have things go right for once.
Don’t get used to the feeling Mal. I like using the “famous last words” thing. Anytime someone says “things are going well” they must be forced to eat crow.
Yawning, River put Serenity on autopilot. She hadn’t slept much the night before and today had been tiring in a number of ways.
She scowled. Next time they had to go for supplies, she’d request that Jayne not come along. He’d found different things to complain about the whole trip into town and had managed to pick fight after fight with Simon. Hadn’t Simon always been the one to tell her not to engage when others would tease her? Well, people seldom followed their own advice.
Ready for her nap, River slid her door open and froze when she looked at her bed.
Jayne moved one of his pieces on the board. “Go.”
Mal stared at the board.
“I said ‘go.’”
“And I heard ya, I’m just studyin’ my options.”
Jayne snorted.
“What’s got you in such a funk?” Kaylee asked. “You've been actin’ meaner than usual all day.”
“I ain’t in a funk!” Jayne protested. “Why’s everyone keep sayin’ that?”
"Because it's true?" Mal suggested, raising an eyebrow.
"It ain't-"
"Someone's been sleeping in my bed."
They all turned as one to the doorway where River stood with a stunned expression on her face.
"The hell are you on about this time, crazy?" Jayne snapped.
"See?" Kaylee pointed at him. "Funk!"
Just now I read that as “Fuck!” and was all set to exclaim “WHY THE HELL DID I MAKE KAYLEE SAY SOMETHING SO UNKAYLEE-LIKE?!” Then I actually used my reading comprehension skills. Heh. Whoops.
"I'm not-"
"Someone's been sleeping in my bed." River paused, letting this sink in. "And the someone in question is still sleeping in my bed. She's quite dirty and I think she's staining the sheets."
Mal leapt up. "You mean we got a stowaway?!"
"A she?" Jayne stood up as well, nearly toppling his chair in his eagerness. "Lead the way, Goldilocks."
I like how Jayne naturally assumes the stowaway’s going to be a pin-up model. But since ugly people don’t seem to really exist in the future, I guess he’s right to expect as such.
"River ain't blonde, Jayne," Kaylee said, following the men and River as they all went down to the passenger dorms.
"Well, I know that! It's just that she said someone was sleepin' in her bed and Goldilocks says that in the story."
"That ain't how the story goes, Jayne," Mal said. "Goldilocks is the one sleepin' in the bed and Baby Bear's the one to find her."
I’m also a fan of inane arguments. Like on Buffy when the Trio argued over who the best James Bond was. When really, at that point the question was moot since Daniel Craig hadn’t joined the franchise yet.
With a frustrated huff, Jayne threw his arms in the air. "Forget it, it was s'posed to be a joke anyhow and if none o' you wants ta laugh, fine. I'll just keep it to myself and you can just-"
"Were you going to get to the shutting up anytime soon?" Mal asked, hopefully. They'd reached the passenger dorms and River slid her door open and stepped back.
As much as I love River and Jayne, Mal is probably my favorite character. Possibly one of my most favorite characters ever. He’s got so much going on in his head and also he makes excellent remarks.
"There she is," River said, pointing.
Jayne, Mal, and Kaylee all leaned forward, peering through the doorway.
"Oh. She's a kid," Jayne said, sounding disappointed.
Sorry, Jayne. No pin-up model.
Kaylee gasped. "I know her! I saw her today when ya'll left on your errands. When did she get on board?"
"Hey!" Mal called softly to the slumbering child. "Girl! C'mon now, rise and shine."
The girl stirred and blinked awake slowly. "Hmmm?" She sat up sluggishly and looked at the grownups in the doorway a moment before her eyes locked on Jayne and she said, "Hi, Daddy. Are you still mad at me?"
"Daddy?"
"Daddy?"
"Daddy?!"
River smirked. "Papa Bear?"
River should always get the last word. I think that’s also another one of my unofficial writer rules.
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no subject
Date: 2007-09-19 01:59 am (UTC)*huggles poor confused Nettie*
no subject
Date: 2007-09-19 02:37 am (UTC)Oh well. The next chapter, he's more with-it.
no subject
Date: 2007-09-19 03:47 am (UTC)ugly people don’t seem to really exist in the future ... no, no they don't, everyone in that 'verse is very pretty *is envious*
Inane arguements are fun and Daniel Craig is by far the best bond...those little blue swimmers? *fans self*
and i now have images in my brain of simon doing various dick van dyke dance/song routines from mary poppins O_o it boggles the mind....
no subject
Date: 2007-09-19 09:50 am (UTC)Anyway: love the commentary! *rejoices* \0/
no subject
Date: 2007-09-19 02:44 pm (UTC)"what flavour is it?
"ALBATROSS FLAVOUR!!"
HAHAHAHA!! Everytime I hear the word albatross I think of that sketch. Not even Firefly (well, Serenity) can change that :P
no subject
Date: 2007-09-19 08:12 pm (UTC)Daniel Craig is the best Bond because his movie was the only Bond movie I was able to sit through without getting up and leaving the room in disgust.
LOL I actually just kept picturing Sean Maher walking into a living room and tripping over the ottoman like on the Dick van Dyke show, bt the flaily-ness of Dick Van Dyke in Mary Poppins will work too, I suppose.
no subject
Date: 2007-09-19 08:14 pm (UTC):P
no subject
Date: 2007-09-19 08:19 pm (UTC)"'Course you don't get bloody wafers with it! ALBATROSS!"
I kind of want to carry around my River action figure and bellow "ALBATROSS!" now but no one would get it. *sigh*