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toxic_cornSeries: Kristy and The Doctor
Title: Chapter Fourteen - In Which We're A Happy Family
Author: toxic_corn and nutmeg610
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Characters belong to Ann M. Martin, Scholastic Books, and the BBC. Sometimes ABC even. And NBC. Okay, practically no one is ours, okay? We aren't collecting any money so pretty please don't sue? We're both broke college students.
Summary: Kristy Thomas has been doing well since her days as president of the Babysitters Club. She's about to graduate from the University of Connecticut and her best friend's finacee can get her a place in the LAPD. It looks like her future is set until a strange man in a magic blue box shows up and changes everything...
Authors' Note: Yet another pairing in the crack series. We found the idea of The Doctor having to put up with the blunt, bossy Kristy to be funny and from there the story grew. If you think that now we are officially certifiable, you're most likely right. This follows the other stories in the crack series: Your Boyfriend Snorts Cocaine, Mary Anne and Wanna Get It On, Dawn?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, NUTMEG!!!
Catch up on earlier chapters at the organizational post.
Chapter Fourteen - In Which We're A Happy Family
"Mary Anne? Pick up! Oh, fine. So Frey's speaking now and I was going to put him on the phone with you so you could hear but nooooo you have to be all with the not picking up the phone malarkey. I guess we'll have to wait until our visit next week for you to hear him.
- voice mail for Mary Anne Shelten from an ecstatic Kristy Thomas
"Now, be very, very careful with that," The Doctor said firmly, nodding to the gadget in Kristy's hands. "It took me a great deal of time to build."
Kristy held the object in her hands and tried not to sweat. "Um, okay. S-so the blue light means...?"
The Doctor opened his mouth to respond but was cut off by a high, sweetly childish voice saying, "The blue light signifies that the atmosphere is breathable."
They stopped and stared at each other a moment before turning simultaneously to Frey in his playpen. The boy had just turned a year old and was smiling at them, hugging his teddy bear to his chest.
"His first sentence!" The Doctor beamed with pride.
"But he just bypassed his first word!" Kristy, still looking stunned, quizzed her son. "Who am I?"
"Mummy," he said with a sunny smile.
"And me?" The Doctor prompted.
"Daddy pretty Time Lord Boy."
Chuckling, The Doctor said, "Just Daddy will do."
After pondering a moment, Kristy decided to test more of the child's knowledge. "How many is five plus two?"
"Seven." Frey held out his teddy bear to her for sharing. She gently took it from him.
"And the square root of 16?" The Doctor asked.
Frey held up four pudgy fingers and giggled when Kristy clapped for him.
"A bit harder now..." The Doctor thought about it a moment and asked, "The square root of 4,896,523?"
The baby cocked his head to the side a moment and then rattled off, "2,212.8088485... shall I keep going Daddy?"
"No, that's alright." The Doctor bounced on the balls of his feet. "That's my boy."
While Kristy was proud of her son's advanced abilities (well, considering his human heritage), seeing a small child speaking in clear, concise sentences was a little alarming; kind of like the baby from Family Guy. Only her son didn't want to kill her, thankfully.
"Wow. You're a little genius," she said, keeping her tone light. "Mommy's not as smart as you and Daddy, jelly bean."
She could picture it now: The Doctor and Frey bonding over their superior intellect, leaving her in the dust. She wouldn't be able to stand it if her son looked at her in disdain for not knowing something that came so easily to him and his father.
"I love you," Frey said, and pointed at the teddy bear she was still holding.
Kristy relaxed a little. No. Her child was devoted to her; he wasn't going to treat her that way. The Doctor was just as smart and he certainly didn't behave like that. So she made the little teddy bear dance along the edge of the playpen while Frey giggled and clapped delightedly, looking over at The Doctor now and then to see him smiling at her with sparkling eyes.
~*~
Humming to herself, Kristy tied the bonnet under Frey's chin and took a step back to admire the whole effect.
Frey glared at her balefully, dressed in Victorian infant garb.
"Sorry," Kristy said.
The glare turned into a pout.
"You have to fit in, jellybean. Mommy's not happy with her clothes either." She shifted a little, trying to find a position in which her uncomfortable underwear wouldn't poke at her and just couldn't find one.
"Are we ready?" The Doctor entered the room and Frey sat up straight and pointed accusingly at him.
"NOT HISTORICALLY ACURAAAAAAAATE!"
"No biscuits for snack time if you keep it up," The Doctor reprimanded him.
Frey gave him big, sad Kristy eyes.
The Doctor shook his head. "Nope, not gonna work."
The little boy sniffled, looking utterly pathetic.
"Noooo," The Doctor said warningly, trying not to waver.
But then his son held his arms out to him and his little tears started to fall.
The Doctor sighed and picked Frey up, giving him a hug. "Alright, one biscuit."
"Still not historically accurate."
"Still not getting more than one biscuit."
"I'm in a dress! And a bonnet! And Mummy has uncomfortable under things on!"
Kristy squirmed uncomfortably. "Mummy sure does."
"Well that's hardly my fault," The Doctor said. "That's what children and women wore."
"But your clothing is incorrect."
"Not by much."
Frey pointed at The Doctor's Converses accusingly.
"Well that's the bit that's not."
"And I'm not to speak either while we're there, I suppose?" Frey asked, sulkily.
"You have the right of it."
Frey pouted even more. "There! Now you look like any Victorian boy." The Doctor grinned.
"You're lucky I love you, Daddy."
"Indeed I am," The Doctor agreed and smiled when Frey rested his head on his shoulder. The Doctor fumbled into one of his pockets and held out a simple gold ring to Kristy. He felt incredibly awkward and suddenly had no idea what to say.
"Oh! Yeah, these Victorians won't like the idea of us living in sin." Kristy attempted nonchalance as she slid the ring on the second finger of her left hand.
Frey lifted his head and took a good look at the ring. "Mummy deserves better than that."
The Doctor glared at him. "You're losing your biscuit..."
"When I marry Mummy, I'll get her a better ring!" Frey glared right back at him, making Kristy cover her mouth to hold in her giggles.
"Well I'll be waiting to see it then!"
"Fine!" Frey held his arms out for Kristy and she took him, cuddling him to her chest. He looked up at her with his big, brown eyes. "Will you marry me, Mummy?"
Kristy lightly kissed the tip of his nose. "I love your daddy too much, jellybean."
The boy looked crestfallen. "Oh... even if I get you a better ring?"
"Even then. Save the ring for someone special, okay?"
"More special than you? No such person exists."
Kristy beamed at The Doctor, glowing, and he smiled back and held the door open for his family.
"Let's go on then," he said. "Dickens awaits us!"
~*~
Kristy was sure that at some point in her life, she'd come close to dying of boredom. But for the life of her, she couldn't remember any such instance as excruciating as this one.
If only it'd been anyone but Dickens. Especially Great Expectations, which she'd been forced to read in eighth grade. It hadn't improved over time. She felt her eyes glaze over and refrained from complaining because The Doctor was absolutely enraptured and Frey was enjoying himself, too.
The baby was sitting perfectly still in Kristy's lap and was drawing notice from the people around them. Too late she remembered that not all babies knew social etiquette the way Frey did.
The Doctor came to that realization as well and subtly leaned close to her to whisper, "He's being too quiet; someone might get suspicious."
"Um. Jellybean, could you maybe squirm a little?" Kristy whispered in the child's ear.
Frey waved his arms a little, uncertainly.
"That's my boy!" The Doctor said proudly.
"And uh... say things," Kristy suggested.
"But I'm not supposed to speak," Frey said out of the corner of his mouth.
Good point. "Uhhh... just... say baby talk," Kristy said.
Frey took a deep breath and at the top of his lungs shouted "GOO GOOOOOOOOOOO!"
Dickens fell silent and everyone turned around to stare at them.
The Doctor dropped his face into his palm. "That was overacting."
Frey broke into uncontrollable baby laughter and Kristy giggled along with him, amused by all the Victorians looking so scandalized. These people wouldn't last five minutes in a Wal-Mart.
Smiling at his family, The Doctor raised a finger to his mouth. "Fingers on lips," he whispered.
Kristy stifled her giggles and pressed a finger to her lips and Frey did the same. Thus silenced, Dickens continued reading and Kristy lapsed back into boredom, wishing she could talk to The Doctor but he was completely enthralled with the piece they were hearing. Frey cuddled up against her and fell asleep, so there was no fun distraction there, either. Not knowing what else to do, Kristy did her best to pay attention and rested her head on The Doctor's shoulder.
A series of sharp gasps behind her made her sit up straight once more. She looked back over her shoulder and saw a gaggle of women glaring daggers at her.
"Problem?" The Doctor murmured.
"Maybe?" Kristy glanced back at the women.
The Doctor looked back at them and shrugged. "Don't mind them. Just act like you own the place; that's what I do."
Taking his advice to heart, Kristy lay her head back on his shoulder and kept it there until Dickens was finally finished. Everyone applauded politely and the sound woke Frey, who scrunched his face up and fussed a little.
Reaching over, The Doctor tickled Frey under his chin and got a watery giggle and an apologetic look for his efforts. "I'm fine, Daddy. I was just startled."
"All better?" The Doctor asked and Frey nodded.
Kristy shifted Frey onto her hip as she stood up, eager to go but not wanting to look eager to go. "What now? Are we going someplace else?"
"Ohhhh, but I've just got to talk to good old Charlie first!" The Doctor exclaimed.
Gritting her teeth as the corset continued to squeeze the life out of her, she asked, "Won't that screw things up? Is this before or after you saw him last?"
"Last time I saw him I had a daft old face. Plus this is several years before I met him the last time. No worries."
"Mummy, I'm feeling antsy," Frey announced in a quiet but urgent tone.
Kristy kissed his head and faced The Doctor. "I'm going to take him outside so he can walk around a little."
"Alright, darling." The Doctor bent to kiss her hand and then ruffled Frey's hair before excitedly joining the throng around Charles Dickens.
With a soft sigh, Kristy took Frey out into the hall. As soon as he was on the ground, he took off, toddling at an alarming clip.
"Careful, jellybean!" Kristy called.
"I am, Mummy!" Frey went up and down the hall, investigating plants and pictures on the walls. Seeing that the boy was going to take his cue from his father and take his damn time, Kristy settled down on the floor. She was watching Frey inspect the little rocks in a potted plant when she heard a polite throat clearing behind her.
Quickly, she scrambled to her feet. "Oh! Hello."
Two women who looked they started each day by sucking on lemons stood there, looking at her distastefully. Yeaaaaah, this wasn't going to go well.
"Admiring the parquet floor, are we?" one of them asked, snottily of course.
"No, I was playing with my son." Frey chose to come back to her then and she scooped him up and held him on her hip.
"Oh, it's quite unusual for a young child to attend such an esteemed author's private reading, charming though your son is."
Kristy could feel her hackles rising but was determined not to knock the cow on her ass. She couldn't embarrass The Doctor in front of Charles Dickens after all, could she? "I thought he was a little young for it too, but my husband insisted that it would be good for him." She bounced Frey a little and he smiled and kissed the tip of her nose.
"I see," the woman said icily. "And your husband is...?"
"Dr. John Smith." She kissed Frey back and he giggled and kissed her again.
"And where do you and your husband reside this time of year?"
"Oh, nowhere in particular. We travel often." She tickled Frey's sides, making him laugh hysterically.
"Oh, they you simply must relate some of the places you've visited!" the woman said in a fake excited tone.
Continuing to ignore the woman as much as she felt she could get away with, Kristy continued to play with Frey as she answered. "Before our son was born, we went to Venice. And I've been in France many times. Hungary once. Hmmmm. Germany..." With every country she named, the woman's expression got darker and darker as she seethed with jealousy, but Kristy didn't notice.
Finally, she looked up at the women. "Do I get to know your names?"
"I am Lady Harper-Allen. My companion is Lady Rutherford-Smythe. And you?"
"Kristin Thomas-Smith." She ran a finger down the baby's cheek. "And this is my son, Gallifrey."
"Would you like to join us for tea?" Lady Harper-Allen asked through clenched teeth.
Not sure how long The Doctor would be, Kristy reluctantly accepted and was led away.
~*~
A real-life tea party was every bit as boring as Kristy had suspected it would be. She could remember playing tea party with Mary Anne when they'd been younger and she was pretty sure that their four year old selves were much better conversationalists than these ladies. They mainly talked about what plays they'd been to see recently and gossip about other ladies they knew.
Kristy gingerly sipped her tea, not being much of a tea drinker but not wanting to offend anyone. Frey had taken a curious sip but hadn't seemed to care for it much, either.
"Wouldn't your child be more comfortable in a nursery?" Lady Rutherford-Smythe said with a hideous fake smile.
"He's fine with me, thank you." Kristy held Frey a little tighter and picked him up to walk him around the room. He was getting a bit fussy, advanced Time Lord intelligence or no, and Kristy wanted to join him. Hadn't The Doctor had enough yet?
"But why are you carrying him in such a manner? Only washerwomen carry their grubby children that way!" Lady Harper-Allen snarked and then tittered along with Lady Rutherford-Smythe.
Finally, Kristy snapped. "Because I actually love my child and like having him close."
The implication about their own children was not lost on the ladies and they stared at Kristy in shock before Lady Harper-Allen sputtered, "How dare you speak to me in such a manner! Do you have any idea who I am?"
"Lady Smartass-Hobag?" Kristy answered, innocently.
The woman's face turned bright red and she gasped for breath as she ground out, "Y-You insolent-- you, how dare--" and promptly passed out.
"Oh Heavens! Look what you did!" Lady Rutherford-Smythe exclaimed.
Kristy rolled her eyes. "She's faking it. She just couldn't think up a better comeback."
Lady Rutherford-Smythe knelt by her friend's side and waved her hankie in her face trying to revive her. "Are you daft? Do you not know the dangers of corsets? How they steal our breaths if we laugh or become upset?"
"Oh! Right. They suck, yeah. Here, let me..." Kristy picked up her cold cup of tea and tossed it in Lady Harper-Allen's face.
The woman gasped and immediately came to. "Whatever happened?"
"I was outrageous and offended you. But only because you were abominably rude first let the record show." Kristy planted a hand on her hip, glaring down at Lady Harper-Allen.
Lady Harper-Allen struggled to get up but was much like a tortoise on its back. "Rude?! I was merely--" she struggled "making an--" and wriggled "observation. For Heaven's sakes, Margaret, help me up!"
"My word, Winifred, perhaps if you ate a few less biscuits at tea time!" Lady Rutherford-Smythe knelt down and helped her friend's carcass up off the floor.
"Well, I didn't appreciate your sneering tone," Kristy said firmly.
"Well I don't appreciate associating with someone who is so obviously 'new money.'"
Again, Kristy rolled her eyes. "Well, hold it together another few minutes, sister, and then we'll be out of here. Honestly. You English pretend to be all upper crust and proper but you're no better than the rest of us."
The two women gasped in unison.
"You Americans are the ones who think you are so superior!" Lady Harper-Allen snapped.
Kristy's jaw dropped. "When did I act superior?! I've been nothing but polite to you since I walked through that door! I even looked at your amatureish water colors and didn't tell you how crappy they were! Until now. Um, sorry. One of my best friends is an artist and I tend to compare everyone else to her..."
"When you said we pretend! You Americans think you know all about us but you know nothing!" Lady Harper-Allen whirled around and stalked away.
Lady Rutherford-Smythe wrinkled her nose. "Good day to you," she said and flounced off after her friend.
"Well... you do! Look at you two, abandoning a guest! A washerwoman wouldn't do that!" Predictably, they ignored her and Kristy looked glumly down at Frey. "That went well."
Frey kissed her cheek in commiseration.
~*~
The Doctor found Kristy and Frey out in the garden. Kristy was seated on an old blanket, chatting with the Irish gardener who was trimming the hedges and Frey was running about chasing a butterfly.
"Hello!" he called to his family.
Frey looked disappointed at the sight of him. "Awww, Daddy, I wanted to play some more!"
"One more lap around the garden and we'll go," The Doctor said, which Frey found agreeable.
Kristy smiled up at him as he approached her. "You're so good at this Daddy thing."
"It's not like I've never done it before," he said without thinking.
"You've been a father before?" Kristy asked, surprised.
The Doctor winced at having blurted that out, but when he saw she wasn't upset or jealous, he nodded.
"And where are they at now?" she asked.
"Where are any of my people at now, Kristy?" he asked, sadly.
She blushed. "I'm sorry, that was stupid."
"Don't worry about it. Did you miss me?" He helped Kristy to her feet and she threw her arms around his neck, hugging him tight.
"Yes! Don't ever leave me with mean, bitchy ladies again. It was like high school only worse."
"Oh, I'm sure you didn't let them walk all over you."
"No, but... one of them implied Frey was grubby and I was a washerwoman."
The Doctor made a face. "Honestly, some people..."
"Did the boys call you 'new money' too?"
"Mmm, no... they called me a 'sporting fellow,' and an 'odd sort.'"
"You are odd." She gave him an affectionate smile and then leaned in for a nuzzling kiss that was cut short when the ladies came outside and saw them, gasping and then immediately whispering amongst themselves. Kristy let out an exasperated sigh and sent The Doctor a look.
"Shall we vacate this land of gasping ladies and strange looks?" he suggested.
"Yeah. Because what I have planned to do to you next will probably make Lady Hobag faint again." Kristy gave him a wicked look and then went to retrieve Frey.
Pulling at his collar, The Doctor murmured to himself, "I'll bet."
< Chapter Thirteen - Gallifrey : Chapter Fifteen - The Memory Machine >
Title: Chapter Fourteen - In Which We're A Happy Family
Author: toxic_corn and nutmeg610
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Characters belong to Ann M. Martin, Scholastic Books, and the BBC. Sometimes ABC even. And NBC. Okay, practically no one is ours, okay? We aren't collecting any money so pretty please don't sue? We're both broke college students.
Summary: Kristy Thomas has been doing well since her days as president of the Babysitters Club. She's about to graduate from the University of Connecticut and her best friend's finacee can get her a place in the LAPD. It looks like her future is set until a strange man in a magic blue box shows up and changes everything...
Authors' Note: Yet another pairing in the crack series. We found the idea of The Doctor having to put up with the blunt, bossy Kristy to be funny and from there the story grew. If you think that now we are officially certifiable, you're most likely right. This follows the other stories in the crack series: Your Boyfriend Snorts Cocaine, Mary Anne and Wanna Get It On, Dawn?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, NUTMEG!!!
Catch up on earlier chapters at the organizational post.
"Mary Anne? Pick up! Oh, fine. So Frey's speaking now and I was going to put him on the phone with you so you could hear but nooooo you have to be all with the not picking up the phone malarkey. I guess we'll have to wait until our visit next week for you to hear him.
- voice mail for Mary Anne Shelten from an ecstatic Kristy Thomas
"Now, be very, very careful with that," The Doctor said firmly, nodding to the gadget in Kristy's hands. "It took me a great deal of time to build."
Kristy held the object in her hands and tried not to sweat. "Um, okay. S-so the blue light means...?"
The Doctor opened his mouth to respond but was cut off by a high, sweetly childish voice saying, "The blue light signifies that the atmosphere is breathable."
They stopped and stared at each other a moment before turning simultaneously to Frey in his playpen. The boy had just turned a year old and was smiling at them, hugging his teddy bear to his chest.
"His first sentence!" The Doctor beamed with pride.
"But he just bypassed his first word!" Kristy, still looking stunned, quizzed her son. "Who am I?"
"Mummy," he said with a sunny smile.
"And me?" The Doctor prompted.
"Daddy pretty Time Lord Boy."
Chuckling, The Doctor said, "Just Daddy will do."
After pondering a moment, Kristy decided to test more of the child's knowledge. "How many is five plus two?"
"Seven." Frey held out his teddy bear to her for sharing. She gently took it from him.
"And the square root of 16?" The Doctor asked.
Frey held up four pudgy fingers and giggled when Kristy clapped for him.
"A bit harder now..." The Doctor thought about it a moment and asked, "The square root of 4,896,523?"
The baby cocked his head to the side a moment and then rattled off, "2,212.8088485... shall I keep going Daddy?"
"No, that's alright." The Doctor bounced on the balls of his feet. "That's my boy."
While Kristy was proud of her son's advanced abilities (well, considering his human heritage), seeing a small child speaking in clear, concise sentences was a little alarming; kind of like the baby from Family Guy. Only her son didn't want to kill her, thankfully.
"Wow. You're a little genius," she said, keeping her tone light. "Mommy's not as smart as you and Daddy, jelly bean."
She could picture it now: The Doctor and Frey bonding over their superior intellect, leaving her in the dust. She wouldn't be able to stand it if her son looked at her in disdain for not knowing something that came so easily to him and his father.
"I love you," Frey said, and pointed at the teddy bear she was still holding.
Kristy relaxed a little. No. Her child was devoted to her; he wasn't going to treat her that way. The Doctor was just as smart and he certainly didn't behave like that. So she made the little teddy bear dance along the edge of the playpen while Frey giggled and clapped delightedly, looking over at The Doctor now and then to see him smiling at her with sparkling eyes.
Humming to herself, Kristy tied the bonnet under Frey's chin and took a step back to admire the whole effect.
Frey glared at her balefully, dressed in Victorian infant garb.
"Sorry," Kristy said.
The glare turned into a pout.
"You have to fit in, jellybean. Mommy's not happy with her clothes either." She shifted a little, trying to find a position in which her uncomfortable underwear wouldn't poke at her and just couldn't find one.
"Are we ready?" The Doctor entered the room and Frey sat up straight and pointed accusingly at him.
"NOT HISTORICALLY ACURAAAAAAAATE!"
"No biscuits for snack time if you keep it up," The Doctor reprimanded him.
Frey gave him big, sad Kristy eyes.
The Doctor shook his head. "Nope, not gonna work."
The little boy sniffled, looking utterly pathetic.
"Noooo," The Doctor said warningly, trying not to waver.
But then his son held his arms out to him and his little tears started to fall.
The Doctor sighed and picked Frey up, giving him a hug. "Alright, one biscuit."
"Still not historically accurate."
"Still not getting more than one biscuit."
"I'm in a dress! And a bonnet! And Mummy has uncomfortable under things on!"
Kristy squirmed uncomfortably. "Mummy sure does."
"Well that's hardly my fault," The Doctor said. "That's what children and women wore."
"But your clothing is incorrect."
"Not by much."
Frey pointed at The Doctor's Converses accusingly.
"Well that's the bit that's not."
"And I'm not to speak either while we're there, I suppose?" Frey asked, sulkily.
"You have the right of it."
Frey pouted even more. "There! Now you look like any Victorian boy." The Doctor grinned.
"You're lucky I love you, Daddy."
"Indeed I am," The Doctor agreed and smiled when Frey rested his head on his shoulder. The Doctor fumbled into one of his pockets and held out a simple gold ring to Kristy. He felt incredibly awkward and suddenly had no idea what to say.
"Oh! Yeah, these Victorians won't like the idea of us living in sin." Kristy attempted nonchalance as she slid the ring on the second finger of her left hand.
Frey lifted his head and took a good look at the ring. "Mummy deserves better than that."
The Doctor glared at him. "You're losing your biscuit..."
"When I marry Mummy, I'll get her a better ring!" Frey glared right back at him, making Kristy cover her mouth to hold in her giggles.
"Well I'll be waiting to see it then!"
"Fine!" Frey held his arms out for Kristy and she took him, cuddling him to her chest. He looked up at her with his big, brown eyes. "Will you marry me, Mummy?"
Kristy lightly kissed the tip of his nose. "I love your daddy too much, jellybean."
The boy looked crestfallen. "Oh... even if I get you a better ring?"
"Even then. Save the ring for someone special, okay?"
"More special than you? No such person exists."
Kristy beamed at The Doctor, glowing, and he smiled back and held the door open for his family.
"Let's go on then," he said. "Dickens awaits us!"
Kristy was sure that at some point in her life, she'd come close to dying of boredom. But for the life of her, she couldn't remember any such instance as excruciating as this one.
If only it'd been anyone but Dickens. Especially Great Expectations, which she'd been forced to read in eighth grade. It hadn't improved over time. She felt her eyes glaze over and refrained from complaining because The Doctor was absolutely enraptured and Frey was enjoying himself, too.
The baby was sitting perfectly still in Kristy's lap and was drawing notice from the people around them. Too late she remembered that not all babies knew social etiquette the way Frey did.
The Doctor came to that realization as well and subtly leaned close to her to whisper, "He's being too quiet; someone might get suspicious."
"Um. Jellybean, could you maybe squirm a little?" Kristy whispered in the child's ear.
Frey waved his arms a little, uncertainly.
"That's my boy!" The Doctor said proudly.
"And uh... say things," Kristy suggested.
"But I'm not supposed to speak," Frey said out of the corner of his mouth.
Good point. "Uhhh... just... say baby talk," Kristy said.
Frey took a deep breath and at the top of his lungs shouted "GOO GOOOOOOOOOOO!"
Dickens fell silent and everyone turned around to stare at them.
The Doctor dropped his face into his palm. "That was overacting."
Frey broke into uncontrollable baby laughter and Kristy giggled along with him, amused by all the Victorians looking so scandalized. These people wouldn't last five minutes in a Wal-Mart.
Smiling at his family, The Doctor raised a finger to his mouth. "Fingers on lips," he whispered.
Kristy stifled her giggles and pressed a finger to her lips and Frey did the same. Thus silenced, Dickens continued reading and Kristy lapsed back into boredom, wishing she could talk to The Doctor but he was completely enthralled with the piece they were hearing. Frey cuddled up against her and fell asleep, so there was no fun distraction there, either. Not knowing what else to do, Kristy did her best to pay attention and rested her head on The Doctor's shoulder.
A series of sharp gasps behind her made her sit up straight once more. She looked back over her shoulder and saw a gaggle of women glaring daggers at her.
"Problem?" The Doctor murmured.
"Maybe?" Kristy glanced back at the women.
The Doctor looked back at them and shrugged. "Don't mind them. Just act like you own the place; that's what I do."
Taking his advice to heart, Kristy lay her head back on his shoulder and kept it there until Dickens was finally finished. Everyone applauded politely and the sound woke Frey, who scrunched his face up and fussed a little.
Reaching over, The Doctor tickled Frey under his chin and got a watery giggle and an apologetic look for his efforts. "I'm fine, Daddy. I was just startled."
"All better?" The Doctor asked and Frey nodded.
Kristy shifted Frey onto her hip as she stood up, eager to go but not wanting to look eager to go. "What now? Are we going someplace else?"
"Ohhhh, but I've just got to talk to good old Charlie first!" The Doctor exclaimed.
Gritting her teeth as the corset continued to squeeze the life out of her, she asked, "Won't that screw things up? Is this before or after you saw him last?"
"Last time I saw him I had a daft old face. Plus this is several years before I met him the last time. No worries."
"Mummy, I'm feeling antsy," Frey announced in a quiet but urgent tone.
Kristy kissed his head and faced The Doctor. "I'm going to take him outside so he can walk around a little."
"Alright, darling." The Doctor bent to kiss her hand and then ruffled Frey's hair before excitedly joining the throng around Charles Dickens.
With a soft sigh, Kristy took Frey out into the hall. As soon as he was on the ground, he took off, toddling at an alarming clip.
"Careful, jellybean!" Kristy called.
"I am, Mummy!" Frey went up and down the hall, investigating plants and pictures on the walls. Seeing that the boy was going to take his cue from his father and take his damn time, Kristy settled down on the floor. She was watching Frey inspect the little rocks in a potted plant when she heard a polite throat clearing behind her.
Quickly, she scrambled to her feet. "Oh! Hello."
Two women who looked they started each day by sucking on lemons stood there, looking at her distastefully. Yeaaaaah, this wasn't going to go well.
"Admiring the parquet floor, are we?" one of them asked, snottily of course.
"No, I was playing with my son." Frey chose to come back to her then and she scooped him up and held him on her hip.
"Oh, it's quite unusual for a young child to attend such an esteemed author's private reading, charming though your son is."
Kristy could feel her hackles rising but was determined not to knock the cow on her ass. She couldn't embarrass The Doctor in front of Charles Dickens after all, could she? "I thought he was a little young for it too, but my husband insisted that it would be good for him." She bounced Frey a little and he smiled and kissed the tip of her nose.
"I see," the woman said icily. "And your husband is...?"
"Dr. John Smith." She kissed Frey back and he giggled and kissed her again.
"And where do you and your husband reside this time of year?"
"Oh, nowhere in particular. We travel often." She tickled Frey's sides, making him laugh hysterically.
"Oh, they you simply must relate some of the places you've visited!" the woman said in a fake excited tone.
Continuing to ignore the woman as much as she felt she could get away with, Kristy continued to play with Frey as she answered. "Before our son was born, we went to Venice. And I've been in France many times. Hungary once. Hmmmm. Germany..." With every country she named, the woman's expression got darker and darker as she seethed with jealousy, but Kristy didn't notice.
Finally, she looked up at the women. "Do I get to know your names?"
"I am Lady Harper-Allen. My companion is Lady Rutherford-Smythe. And you?"
"Kristin Thomas-Smith." She ran a finger down the baby's cheek. "And this is my son, Gallifrey."
"Would you like to join us for tea?" Lady Harper-Allen asked through clenched teeth.
Not sure how long The Doctor would be, Kristy reluctantly accepted and was led away.
A real-life tea party was every bit as boring as Kristy had suspected it would be. She could remember playing tea party with Mary Anne when they'd been younger and she was pretty sure that their four year old selves were much better conversationalists than these ladies. They mainly talked about what plays they'd been to see recently and gossip about other ladies they knew.
Kristy gingerly sipped her tea, not being much of a tea drinker but not wanting to offend anyone. Frey had taken a curious sip but hadn't seemed to care for it much, either.
"Wouldn't your child be more comfortable in a nursery?" Lady Rutherford-Smythe said with a hideous fake smile.
"He's fine with me, thank you." Kristy held Frey a little tighter and picked him up to walk him around the room. He was getting a bit fussy, advanced Time Lord intelligence or no, and Kristy wanted to join him. Hadn't The Doctor had enough yet?
"But why are you carrying him in such a manner? Only washerwomen carry their grubby children that way!" Lady Harper-Allen snarked and then tittered along with Lady Rutherford-Smythe.
Finally, Kristy snapped. "Because I actually love my child and like having him close."
The implication about their own children was not lost on the ladies and they stared at Kristy in shock before Lady Harper-Allen sputtered, "How dare you speak to me in such a manner! Do you have any idea who I am?"
"Lady Smartass-Hobag?" Kristy answered, innocently.
The woman's face turned bright red and she gasped for breath as she ground out, "Y-You insolent-- you, how dare--" and promptly passed out.
"Oh Heavens! Look what you did!" Lady Rutherford-Smythe exclaimed.
Kristy rolled her eyes. "She's faking it. She just couldn't think up a better comeback."
Lady Rutherford-Smythe knelt by her friend's side and waved her hankie in her face trying to revive her. "Are you daft? Do you not know the dangers of corsets? How they steal our breaths if we laugh or become upset?"
"Oh! Right. They suck, yeah. Here, let me..." Kristy picked up her cold cup of tea and tossed it in Lady Harper-Allen's face.
The woman gasped and immediately came to. "Whatever happened?"
"I was outrageous and offended you. But only because you were abominably rude first let the record show." Kristy planted a hand on her hip, glaring down at Lady Harper-Allen.
Lady Harper-Allen struggled to get up but was much like a tortoise on its back. "Rude?! I was merely--" she struggled "making an--" and wriggled "observation. For Heaven's sakes, Margaret, help me up!"
"My word, Winifred, perhaps if you ate a few less biscuits at tea time!" Lady Rutherford-Smythe knelt down and helped her friend's carcass up off the floor.
"Well, I didn't appreciate your sneering tone," Kristy said firmly.
"Well I don't appreciate associating with someone who is so obviously 'new money.'"
Again, Kristy rolled her eyes. "Well, hold it together another few minutes, sister, and then we'll be out of here. Honestly. You English pretend to be all upper crust and proper but you're no better than the rest of us."
The two women gasped in unison.
"You Americans are the ones who think you are so superior!" Lady Harper-Allen snapped.
Kristy's jaw dropped. "When did I act superior?! I've been nothing but polite to you since I walked through that door! I even looked at your amatureish water colors and didn't tell you how crappy they were! Until now. Um, sorry. One of my best friends is an artist and I tend to compare everyone else to her..."
"When you said we pretend! You Americans think you know all about us but you know nothing!" Lady Harper-Allen whirled around and stalked away.
Lady Rutherford-Smythe wrinkled her nose. "Good day to you," she said and flounced off after her friend.
"Well... you do! Look at you two, abandoning a guest! A washerwoman wouldn't do that!" Predictably, they ignored her and Kristy looked glumly down at Frey. "That went well."
Frey kissed her cheek in commiseration.
The Doctor found Kristy and Frey out in the garden. Kristy was seated on an old blanket, chatting with the Irish gardener who was trimming the hedges and Frey was running about chasing a butterfly.
"Hello!" he called to his family.
Frey looked disappointed at the sight of him. "Awww, Daddy, I wanted to play some more!"
"One more lap around the garden and we'll go," The Doctor said, which Frey found agreeable.
Kristy smiled up at him as he approached her. "You're so good at this Daddy thing."
"It's not like I've never done it before," he said without thinking.
"You've been a father before?" Kristy asked, surprised.
The Doctor winced at having blurted that out, but when he saw she wasn't upset or jealous, he nodded.
"And where are they at now?" she asked.
"Where are any of my people at now, Kristy?" he asked, sadly.
She blushed. "I'm sorry, that was stupid."
"Don't worry about it. Did you miss me?" He helped Kristy to her feet and she threw her arms around his neck, hugging him tight.
"Yes! Don't ever leave me with mean, bitchy ladies again. It was like high school only worse."
"Oh, I'm sure you didn't let them walk all over you."
"No, but... one of them implied Frey was grubby and I was a washerwoman."
The Doctor made a face. "Honestly, some people..."
"Did the boys call you 'new money' too?"
"Mmm, no... they called me a 'sporting fellow,' and an 'odd sort.'"
"You are odd." She gave him an affectionate smile and then leaned in for a nuzzling kiss that was cut short when the ladies came outside and saw them, gasping and then immediately whispering amongst themselves. Kristy let out an exasperated sigh and sent The Doctor a look.
"Shall we vacate this land of gasping ladies and strange looks?" he suggested.
"Yeah. Because what I have planned to do to you next will probably make Lady Hobag faint again." Kristy gave him a wicked look and then went to retrieve Frey.
Pulling at his collar, The Doctor murmured to himself, "I'll bet."
< Chapter Thirteen - Gallifrey : Chapter Fifteen - The Memory Machine >
