toxic_corn: Summer Glau is pretty. (Default)
toxic_corn ([personal profile] toxic_corn) wrote2006-04-14 05:41 pm
Entry tags:

FIREFLY FIC: She's a Sticky-Fingered Filcher: Handbook (PG-13)

Series: She's a Sticky-Fingered Filcher
Title: Handbook (6/7)
Author: Toxic Corn
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: Post Objects in Space
Summary:
Disclaimer: All the characters are belong to Joss.
Author's Note: Yeah, I have this out sooner than expected. What's the point of letting it sit around on the harddrive when I can just post? Thanks to [livejournal.com profile] katsqueaks as always. Previous parts can be found here.


Handbook


For the last week or so, Jayne made sure to avoid the crazy girl. The only places he went were the mess and his bunk and if there was a job he waited for Mal to call impatiently for him before coming out. He got the job done and then retreated back to his bunk.


Yeah, it was boring. But it was safe.


So he was shocked one day, when coming back from a drop, to find River in his bunk.


She looked all cute lying there on his bed with a big book. Kind of like she belonged there, despite the wall of guns and all the nudie pics on the walls.


He didn't know how long he stood there gawping, but he snapped out of his River-induced spell when she looked up at him. She was smiling, that familiar sparkle in her eye.


He pointed up the ladder. "Out."


She stuck out her lower lip. "She's just reading."


"That's fine," Jayne said, bending over to unlace his boots. Can't look at her when she's poutin' like that… "Just do it someplace else."


He hazarded a glance at her and she was simply looking at him, blankly.


"Someplace not here," he stressed.


Infuriatingly, the girl went back to her book.


"C'mon, get out," Jayne said in what he knew was a whining tone, but he didn't care. "I've had a hard day and I wanna lay down!"


"You can lay down," River said, shuffling over.


Tempting. So tempting that it hurt and he growled in frustration.


"Fine." River sighed, heavily. "But she wants his opinion on something first."


Anything, so long as she left. "What?"


She held out the book. "Which do you find more pleasurable, figure one or figure two?"


Frowning suspiciously, Jayne took the book out of her hands and sputtered at the extremely graphic illustrations of a man and woman pleasuring one another. Normally something that he'd save for a special occasion, but this sure as hell wasn't it. He tossed the book across the room as if it burned him, letting loose a long string of curses.


"Does 'Nara know you got one o' her training books?" Jayne demanded.



"You didn't answer her question," River said, sternly.


"And I ain't gonna! Now take that," he pointed at the book, "and get out!"



River's face flushed red. "Why?"



"Because!" Jayne barked. "It ain't gonna be that way with you 'n me! We're not gonna be figure one-in' or figure two-in' so you can just get that outta your crazy head!"



"She thought you liked the girl," River said, quietly.



Her sad, little voice gouged at his already overloaded conscience. Hell, he knew he was being unfair; he'd been the one who started this… whatever it was. And now he had to finish it.


"Yeah, well, you thought wrong. Go fall in puppy love with someone else."


She gave him a look. "Like who?"


"Like…" Oh, hell, she had a point. Married man, man of God, her brother, Mal… "Mal!"


Off of her frown, he continued, "Big damn hero cap'n in tight pants always doing the stupid noble thing. Girls are spo'sed to like men like that, not dried up old mercenaries. Now git!"


River rose from the bed and collected the book with more dignity than Jayne had ever seen a person display before, including Inara.


Before she left, she looked him dead in the eye. He tried to look away but found that he couldn't.


"She'll do as he asks," she said, voice low. "She won't bother him again."



"Good," he grumbled and lay down, punching at his pillow. "Maybe then I can get some gorram sleep!"



But when the bunk door shut after her, he remained wide awake for hours.



END


Previous < Reflex Hammer : Next > My Spot

[identity profile] mik109.livejournal.com 2006-04-14 11:28 pm (UTC)(link)
Aw, no, Jayne, no! So stupid.

We'll get a happy ending soon though? *blinks* Right?!

[identity profile] toxic-corn.livejournal.com 2006-04-14 11:33 pm (UTC)(link)
Yeah, he's impossible.

*lips are sealed*

[identity profile] calijirl5150.livejournal.com 2006-04-14 11:40 pm (UTC)(link)
I want to throw that book at Jayne's head, he's being a boob !!

[identity profile] toxic-corn.livejournal.com 2006-04-15 12:02 am (UTC)(link)
Owwie, poor Jayne!

[identity profile] kumagorou1983.livejournal.com 2006-04-15 12:03 am (UTC)(link)
Arg. Stupid boy-head Jayne. I agree with little...he's being a boob and needs a book thrown at him.

Although seeing Jayne's reaction to River flirting with Mal, while Mal is clueless would be very amusing! ~_^

[identity profile] toxic-corn.livejournal.com 2006-04-15 12:04 am (UTC)(link)
LOL Stupid boy-head! I have to remember that one...

[identity profile] kumagorou1983.livejournal.com 2006-04-15 12:48 am (UTC)(link)
its the perfect adjective for when boys act like Jayne... Glad you liked it! LOL

[identity profile] toxic-corn.livejournal.com 2006-04-15 02:19 am (UTC)(link)
And now your icon is giving me the giggles. XD

[identity profile] kumagorou1983.livejournal.com 2006-04-15 04:31 am (UTC)(link)
I like it alot...It gives everyone the giggles. heehee

[identity profile] karanina.livejournal.com 2006-04-15 12:14 am (UTC)(link)
Jayne is a fool! Of course now she's gonna get him jealous by fawning over Mal... right?

[identity profile] toxic-corn.livejournal.com 2006-04-15 02:04 am (UTC)(link)
*lips are sealed*

;)

[identity profile] frickineddie.livejournal.com 2006-04-15 12:20 am (UTC)(link)
Ack. Jayne is not handling things well. But does he ever?

[identity profile] toxic-corn.livejournal.com 2006-04-15 02:04 am (UTC)(link)
He prefers things to be uncomplicated. And River = complicated.

[identity profile] crazywriterchic.livejournal.com 2006-04-15 01:06 am (UTC)(link)
Oh. Sadness. "Figure one or figure two." Nice. >D Evil. Silly stupid Jayne.

[identity profile] toxic-corn.livejournal.com 2006-04-15 02:09 am (UTC)(link)
Hee, thanks. Poor Jayne, everyone's being so mean to him...

[identity profile] taramonk.livejournal.com 2006-04-15 01:34 am (UTC)(link)
I'm actually feeling a bit for Jayne -- yeah, he's being a dumb boy, but this situation is SO beyond him, and he has a hell of a survival instinct. And, since he equates "sexin up the crazy girl" to "flying out the airlock," he's gonna take what he thinks is the safe route.

But, I have no worries. River will make sure he gets it right in the end.

Right?

[identity profile] toxic-corn.livejournal.com 2006-04-15 02:13 am (UTC)(link)
Yeah, this is all pretty new to him so we can't be TOO rough on him.

River will make sure he gets it right in the end.

Right?


*zips lip*
(deleted comment)

[identity profile] toxic-corn.livejournal.com 2006-04-15 02:16 am (UTC)(link)
LOL Wow. *didn't cover her ears and now they're ringing* I'm sensing some frustration from you... ;)

[identity profile] vasha-remy.livejournal.com 2006-04-15 02:51 am (UTC)(link)
So is she like gonna flirt with Mal to piss Jayne off? Cuz he has it coming.

[identity profile] toxic-corn.livejournal.com 2006-04-15 03:01 am (UTC)(link)
LOL Now I have the chorus of the Cellblock Tango from Chicago in my head...

He had it comin', He had it comin', he only had himself to blame, if you'da been there, if you'da seen it, I betcha you woulda done the same!

[identity profile] vasha-remy.livejournal.com 2006-04-15 03:57 am (UTC)(link)
Now it's stuck in my head, but that's ok cuz i like that song.

[identity profile] neroli66.livejournal.com 2006-04-15 09:54 pm (UTC)(link)
Oh Jayne, you big boob...

[identity profile] neroli66.livejournal.com 2006-04-15 10:13 pm (UTC)(link)
He makes me sad...he made RIVER sad...*sniffles*...he best be making it up to her next chappie, not much time left.

Of course, I might be sad mostly cuz I know this series is almost over. *sobs*

[identity profile] toxic-corn.livejournal.com 2006-04-15 10:15 pm (UTC)(link)
*whispers* There's a sequel planned.

I played two mean pranks on my beta and she said she'd only forgive me if I write more.

[identity profile] neroli66.livejournal.com 2006-04-15 10:25 pm (UTC)(link)
SQUEE!!!!

[identity profile] lattelady6.livejournal.com 2006-10-05 10:13 am (UTC)(link)
Ohhhhhh Jayne you're being stupid in this story too. I seem to have read him like that, and maybe written him like that, somewhere along the line....do you think maybe is?????

'Sides River can't have Mal, he belongs to 'Nara.

Heartbreaking and heartwarming addition to you series. Sorry for the above sas

[identity profile] toxic-corn.livejournal.com 2006-10-05 05:46 pm (UTC)(link)
Yeah, he was being stupid but it would've been too easy if he'd gone along with River's plan of testing Figure One and Figure Two. (That and at this time I was SO not ready to attempt smut yet.)