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toxic_corn) wrote2007-01-29 03:05 pm
toxic_corn) wrote2007-01-29 03:05 pm
Entry tags:
Marcus Hamilton fic for ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
guinny_hamilton's request
Title: Five Times Marcus Hamilton Shirked His Responsibilities
Rating: R for implied sex (het) and some adult language
Author:toxic_corn
Disclaimer: Marcus Hamilton belongs to Joss Whedon. Not me.
Summary: Hamilton isn't always the model employee...
Notes: For the Five fic meme. Takes place in the same crack-verse as Five Things Marcus Hamilton Could Say... and The Softer Side of Evil.
forguinny_hamilton
1. You Need to Start Someplace
Mark had only been working at Wolfram & Hart for about a year or so. His job wasn't too difficult. File this, highlight that. Take out the recycling bin.
"RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWRRRRRRR!!!" The cyclops tore through the department, knocking people through walls. Through them. Once in awhile, it picked someone up and tore their head off. Screaming and carnage made Mark's head spin.
"You were supposed to empty the recycling bin!" Mark's supervisor shouted at him.
"Wh- what difference does that make?!" Mark huddled under someone's desk and peeked out at the monster.
"He's hungry because you didn't feed him!"
Mark's jaw dropped. "Jesus Christ, that little chute led to that?! How is that even possible??"
"It just is. Consider your ass fired if you live through this, Hamilton." The manager stood up while the cyclops was distracted and started to tiptoe away.
"If it was that fucking important, why did you leave it to me?" Mark demanded. To hell with this. He reached above him and searched the desk for a weapon of some kind.
The cyclops was getting closer and Mark popped up, holding up his weapon.
"Hey, I got some great cardboard over here!" Mark called.
The creature looked at him, furious. And when it did, he pulled back his rubber band slingshot and let the paperclip fly.
CHUNK. Right on target. The cyclops roared and fell to its knees, grabbing at its eye.
Security chose that instant to swarm in with their nets to take the creature down. Once it had been led out Mark went to his desk, gathered his stuff, and walked out the door.
~*~
Riiiiiing.
Groaning, Mark rolled over and grabbed the phone. "H'lo?"
"Is this Marcus Hamilton?"
"Yes, speaking." Maybe it was someone finally responding to all the resumes he'd sent out.
"This is Holland Manners. I'm just calling to tell you how impressed I was at your quick thinking at the office last week."
Mark sat up. "Well, thank you. I don't work for Wolfram & Hart anymore, sir. My manager-"
"Your manager has been let go." That sounded a little sinister but since Mark had never liked the guy much, it didn't bother him. "The Senior Partners have a little proposition for you, however. If you're interested."
Smiling, Mark sat back. "I'm listening."
END
2. Bad Owner, No Biscuit
"I'm home!" Marcus called, tossing his keys on the table near the door. "Isaiah?"
He went to the kitchen and found a large puddle of pee in the middle of the floor. His puppy sat a few feet away from it, head hanging in shame. Isaiah raised his eyes when Marcus walked in and whined in apology.
"Ohhh, c'mere boy." Marcus held his hand out but the puppy just whimpered. "This isn't your fault; it's mine. I forgot to leave paper out for you before I left. I'm a bad owner. Do you forgive me?"
Isaiah padded over to him and wagged his tail, allowing Marcus to pat his head.
"Good boy. How about I clean this up and we go for a walk, okay? And then you can have a Milkbone."
The puppy yipped happily and jumped up on his hind legs.
Chuckling, Marcus went to get a mop.
END
3. Non-boyfriend
Gasping, Marcus rolled over onto his back and closed his eyes.
"You didn't make me come," Harmony whined.
Marcus grit his teeth. "Yes, I did."
"Yeah, just once with your mouth. You didn't do it right." Harmony kicked his shin. "Spike could make me come."
"Then go sleep with Spike." Marcus pulled the blankets up over him and turned over onto his side.
"But you're supposed to be my boyfriend. Boyfriends make their girlfriends come during sex."
"I thought I was your non-boyfriend."
"Wh- You are! But you're still supposed to make me come!"
"I guess I'm a bad sometimes boyfriend then."
Harmony huffed and got out of bed, gathering up her clothes and being as loud as she possibly could. "Fine. I guess I'll go find Spike then."
"All right." Once the front door slammed, Marcus sighed in satisfaction. "Maybe now I can get some sleep."
END
4. Con
"He's not going to be here, is he?"
"He'll be here, just wait."
"... He's still not here."
"Oh my God, could you just shut up?"
"Well, I'm disappointed is all! And once the natives find out he's not coming, they're going to get more than a little restless."
"Let's give it ten more minutes and then we'll slip out the backdoor."
The girls looked up at the banner reading Second Annual HammyCon! and sighed.
Twenty minutes away, Marcus Hamilton slid on his gym shorts, prepared to kick Angel's ass at squash. He paused a moment, wondering if he had something else to do today but shrugged.
It couldn't have been that important.
END
5. Hooky
Marcus had never blown off a day of work before. Of course, a strange woman hadn't run up to him in a restaurant and kissed him, mistaking him for her husband, either so there was a first time for everything. Apparently all these firsts were destined to occur on the same day.
After the mortified woman had run away, Marcus had followed her. She sat at a corner table and he stayed close but not too close as to make her realize she was being watched. Then the husband had shown up.
He had Marcus's face. Looked exactly like him, sounded like him (though not nearly as refined and that suit was a knockoff and not Armani) and it was blowing his mind. Had he been at Wolfram & Hart long enough for them to clone him without his knowledge? Marcus frowned, trying to count the years.
When the couple left, Marcus paid his bill and followed them to a nearby park. The man and woman walked along hand in hand, once in awhile laughing at something the other had said. Marcus had seen this sort of thing before and it had never created this feeling of longing.
Maybe it was because he was seeing it as himself. And he looked happy.
As the couple moved on, Marcus stayed on the park bench and really thought about the decisions he'd made in his life.
THE END
Rating: R for implied sex (het) and some adult language
Author:
toxic_cornDisclaimer: Marcus Hamilton belongs to Joss Whedon. Not me.
Summary: Hamilton isn't always the model employee...
Notes: For the Five fic meme. Takes place in the same crack-verse as Five Things Marcus Hamilton Could Say... and The Softer Side of Evil.
for
guinny_hamilton1. You Need to Start Someplace
Mark had only been working at Wolfram & Hart for about a year or so. His job wasn't too difficult. File this, highlight that. Take out the recycling bin.
"RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWRRRRRRR!!!" The cyclops tore through the department, knocking people through walls. Through them. Once in awhile, it picked someone up and tore their head off. Screaming and carnage made Mark's head spin.
"You were supposed to empty the recycling bin!" Mark's supervisor shouted at him.
"Wh- what difference does that make?!" Mark huddled under someone's desk and peeked out at the monster.
"He's hungry because you didn't feed him!"
Mark's jaw dropped. "Jesus Christ, that little chute led to that?! How is that even possible??"
"It just is. Consider your ass fired if you live through this, Hamilton." The manager stood up while the cyclops was distracted and started to tiptoe away.
"If it was that fucking important, why did you leave it to me?" Mark demanded. To hell with this. He reached above him and searched the desk for a weapon of some kind.
The cyclops was getting closer and Mark popped up, holding up his weapon.
"Hey, I got some great cardboard over here!" Mark called.
The creature looked at him, furious. And when it did, he pulled back his rubber band slingshot and let the paperclip fly.
CHUNK. Right on target. The cyclops roared and fell to its knees, grabbing at its eye.
Security chose that instant to swarm in with their nets to take the creature down. Once it had been led out Mark went to his desk, gathered his stuff, and walked out the door.
Riiiiiing.
Groaning, Mark rolled over and grabbed the phone. "H'lo?"
"Is this Marcus Hamilton?"
"Yes, speaking." Maybe it was someone finally responding to all the resumes he'd sent out.
"This is Holland Manners. I'm just calling to tell you how impressed I was at your quick thinking at the office last week."
Mark sat up. "Well, thank you. I don't work for Wolfram & Hart anymore, sir. My manager-"
"Your manager has been let go." That sounded a little sinister but since Mark had never liked the guy much, it didn't bother him. "The Senior Partners have a little proposition for you, however. If you're interested."
Smiling, Mark sat back. "I'm listening."
END
2. Bad Owner, No Biscuit
"I'm home!" Marcus called, tossing his keys on the table near the door. "Isaiah?"
He went to the kitchen and found a large puddle of pee in the middle of the floor. His puppy sat a few feet away from it, head hanging in shame. Isaiah raised his eyes when Marcus walked in and whined in apology.
"Ohhh, c'mere boy." Marcus held his hand out but the puppy just whimpered. "This isn't your fault; it's mine. I forgot to leave paper out for you before I left. I'm a bad owner. Do you forgive me?"
Isaiah padded over to him and wagged his tail, allowing Marcus to pat his head.
"Good boy. How about I clean this up and we go for a walk, okay? And then you can have a Milkbone."
The puppy yipped happily and jumped up on his hind legs.
Chuckling, Marcus went to get a mop.
END
3. Non-boyfriend
Gasping, Marcus rolled over onto his back and closed his eyes.
"You didn't make me come," Harmony whined.
Marcus grit his teeth. "Yes, I did."
"Yeah, just once with your mouth. You didn't do it right." Harmony kicked his shin. "Spike could make me come."
"Then go sleep with Spike." Marcus pulled the blankets up over him and turned over onto his side.
"But you're supposed to be my boyfriend. Boyfriends make their girlfriends come during sex."
"I thought I was your non-boyfriend."
"Wh- You are! But you're still supposed to make me come!"
"I guess I'm a bad sometimes boyfriend then."
Harmony huffed and got out of bed, gathering up her clothes and being as loud as she possibly could. "Fine. I guess I'll go find Spike then."
"All right." Once the front door slammed, Marcus sighed in satisfaction. "Maybe now I can get some sleep."
END
4. Con
"He's not going to be here, is he?"
"He'll be here, just wait."
"... He's still not here."
"Oh my God, could you just shut up?"
"Well, I'm disappointed is all! And once the natives find out he's not coming, they're going to get more than a little restless."
"Let's give it ten more minutes and then we'll slip out the backdoor."
The girls looked up at the banner reading Second Annual HammyCon! and sighed.
Twenty minutes away, Marcus Hamilton slid on his gym shorts, prepared to kick Angel's ass at squash. He paused a moment, wondering if he had something else to do today but shrugged.
It couldn't have been that important.
END
5. Hooky
Marcus had never blown off a day of work before. Of course, a strange woman hadn't run up to him in a restaurant and kissed him, mistaking him for her husband, either so there was a first time for everything. Apparently all these firsts were destined to occur on the same day.
After the mortified woman had run away, Marcus had followed her. She sat at a corner table and he stayed close but not too close as to make her realize she was being watched. Then the husband had shown up.
He had Marcus's face. Looked exactly like him, sounded like him (though not nearly as refined and that suit was a knockoff and not Armani) and it was blowing his mind. Had he been at Wolfram & Hart long enough for them to clone him without his knowledge? Marcus frowned, trying to count the years.
When the couple left, Marcus paid his bill and followed them to a nearby park. The man and woman walked along hand in hand, once in awhile laughing at something the other had said. Marcus had seen this sort of thing before and it had never created this feeling of longing.
Maybe it was because he was seeing it as himself. And he looked happy.
As the couple moved on, Marcus stayed on the park bench and really thought about the decisions he'd made in his life.
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All so funny.
And Marcus is a natural candidate for crack, Guinny has to keep slapping me to stop the crack shining through.
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oh and don't be sad. Marcus smut is good but i really love your Marcus Crack....in fact i love all your crack...especially when it turns into meth. lol
great work as always :)
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I especially loved the first one -- someone should really write a Marcus!prequel like that.
And hee, the HammyCon made me giggle! *goes off to organize one*
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*sighs blissfully*
Oh Marcus. You can be my bad sometimes boyfriend any time.
Also awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww he's so sweet! Evil men who love puppies... *swoons* And can I just suggest he meet a lovely OC named Guinny who makes him happy and they can walk through the park hand in hand?
Next! *toothy grin*
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Those are way to cute... great job! :O)
Have to feel a bit sad for Marcus in the last one, though.
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